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| Hello! My name is Denise, and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I do not intend to go into details here, suffice to say that it has had a significant effect on my life, my lifestyle, my mental health and my relationships. But I had made a start on my healing journey, I had tried one lot of counselling, and self-help books, with varying degrees of success. I was in desperate need of help to find the next step forward, and then I got invited to visit the Angels of the Round Table.. I have found this to be a safe place in which to explore my own feelings, not just about the after effects of my abuse, but also to increase my self-esteem, and feelings of self-worth. I am a survivor.. I have survived for 30 odd years, but now I want to be able to enjoy my life, not live from day to day, dreading the next �flashback�.. fighting the fear of rejection.. trying to hide the guilt and shame.. putting on the �front� .. not letting people in.. not letting them see the �real� me.. I am on my way to being able to do this � I am about to start counselling again, but this time I am doing it because I want to, not because it seems like the right thing to do � just in the short time that I have been here, I have learned that it is OK to trust people again � I have started �prodding� at the things that trigger me.. but I also know it is alright to put them aside when I need to, I have lived with this for 30 years.. taking things slowly, or at least at my pace, is what is right for me.. Yes I still have desperate times, when the hurt and the pain threaten to take me over again � I still cry, sometimes a lot, and for no apparent reason.. but I know now, I have somewhere to go, to be open and honest about how I am feeling.. and there is always someone there, in spirit if not in body, to listen to me, to share my anguish, to guide me in the right direction, but still allowing me to make my own decisions about how and when I do this.. I am not an expert on sexual abuse and the healing journey.. I am an expert on MY abuse and MY journey.. but I will help you, to help yourself, in any way I can.. you have to have �been there� to know what people are going through. I welcome you to OUR forum.. may you find the peace of mind and body that I have found.. With love.. Denise |
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| A friend, who is also on the healing journey from sexual violation, wrote this for me. I figure it just about says what there is to say, about the journey on which we are embarking.. One step at a time Our journey may be long be dark, frightening or like a maze but no matter how long they are is it not the same for us all? However far we need to go we are all the same underneath we can only get there one step at a time some of us may be small, or frightened, or blind at this time we will need help, sometimes, to make a step so we reach out a hand and hope our friends are there to help us- to help us to make that one step that is needed, to hold our hand whilst we do, so we don't fall back to where we started from. This journey we all take, can be done alone but its not the best way if we are brave enough to reach out we can but hope there is someone there to help someone who has taken the step we are about to who will encourage, praise or just be there they can be anywhere on our journey for we journey one step at a time ooOoo Helen - July 2001 |
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