Part Fifty-Nine
Angel stared in awe at the green eyes fixed on him. After a month in a coma, Buffy finally regained consciousness. He couldn't believe it, it was almost too good to be true. His Christmas wish had really come true. "Buffy?" he said, flabbergasted.
"Is it really you, Angel?" she asked.
"Of course it is. God, this is so amazing, Buffy. You finally woke up. I have to get the doctor."
Buffy gently shook her head. "No."
He planted a soft kiss on the back of her hand. "I'll be right back, love. I promise."
Angel practically ran out of the room. He was so happy and relieved Buffy had woken up that he narrowly avoided colliding with an elderly couple walking down the hall. When he reached the Nurses' Stations, he slammed his fist on the flat surface to gain the nurse's attention.
"Can I help you, sir?" she asked. It was one of the two nurses who had been talking about him a few days earlier.
"My girlfriend just woke up," he said, out of breath.
"What room is she in?" She was somewhat disappointed. She'd had her sights set on the comatose girl's boyfriend.
Angel sighed. "Room 424. Buffy Summers."
"I'll call the doctor in a minute."
"Call him now!"
"Sir, he's with a patient," the nurse remarked shortly.
His blood boiled. "I don't care if he's with the Pope or President Clinton. I want him in her room now."
"Fine," she relented, picking up the telephone to make an announcement. "Doctor Thomas to the Nurses' Station. Doctor Thomas to the Nurses' Station." The nurse replaced the phone on its receiver. "Are you happy now?"
"Ecstatic," Angel replied through his teeth. First opportunity he had, he would report her bad attitude to her superior.
When he returned to her room, he found Buffy's eyes closed once again. Angel feared she'd slipped back into her coma. "Buffy, wake up," he ordered in a desperate voice.
Her eyes opened into slits. "Awake."
"Look at me. Keep looking at me."
"Always. I always want to look at you."
His heart soared that she was offering him forever with her through her semi-consciousness. "How do you feel?" Angel wanted to know.
"Achy. My head hurts."
"You'll feel better soon."
"Love you," Buffy said.
He smiled, tears filling his eyes. "Love you, too."
The doctor entered the room at that moment. "I see someone has finally woken up."
"Who're you?" she asked.
"I'm Doctor Thomas, I've been taking care of you since you got here." He turned to Angel. "I'll have to ask you to leave while I examine Buffy."
Angel nodded, understanding. "Okay. I'll go call her family."
Buffy lifted her arm off the bed. It felt as heavy as a stone in her weakened state, but she tried to reach out to her boyfriend. "Angel, don't go," she pleaded in a small voice.
He bit his lip, wanting so badly to do as she requested. "I have to, the doctor said. I'm going to call your parents and Giles and the whole gang." She whimpered. "Buffy, I'll be right outside the whole time."
"Kiss?"
Angel could never deny Buffy that. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips before leaving the room. In the hallway, he watched through the window as Doctor Thomas checked her vitals. Her eyes opened a little bit more. A good sign indeed, she was back for good. When he reached the pay phones, the first person Angel called was Mrs. Summers. He didn't know the direct number to her office, so he had to be connected through the Information Desk at the gallery.
"Joyce Summers, proprietor," she answered the phone.
"Joyce, it's Angel."
Fear ran through her veins. She knew he wouldn't call unless something had changed regarding Buffy's condition. "What's going on? Is Buffy alright?"
"She's awake."
She sighed with joy. "When?"
"Ten minutes ago. I was talking to her and she said my name," Angel told her.
"I'll be right there."
"Would you like me to call her father?"
Mrs. Summers laughed shortly. "Good luck. Hank is away on business and unreachable at the moment. It figures he'd be gone when Buffy woke up."
"I didn't know."
"That's okay. I will be there in about fifteen minutes." She hung up.
Angel pulled out another quarter, dialed Giles' number and waited a minute before he picked up. "Hello?" the Englishman asked.
"It's Angel. Buffy just woke up."
"That's terrific news. How long ago?"
"Ten minutes or so. I think she might want to see you when the doctor's finished examining her."
"I'm so glad she's awake. I shall be there as soon as possible." After hanging up yet again, he called the rest of her friends.
********
For three hours, everyone waited in the Sunnydale Hospital waiting room for the doctor to finish examining Buffy. None of them, excluding Angel, had yet to see the now-conscious Slayer. Mrs. Summers and Geoffrey sat on either side of Angel. Willow and Oz held hands, as did Xander and Cordelia. Directly across from Angel sat Giles and Nicole. Everyone prayed for good news, except the new Slayer. She was aware that Buffy's presence would put a serious crimp in her plans for winning Angel.
"I hope my baby's okay," Mrs. Summers said. "She's all I have in the world."
"Buffy will be fine, Joyce," Geoffrey reassured.
"She woke up and she's talking. I'd say she's well on her way to a full recovery."
The waiting room doors opened and Doctor Thomas walked in. "Mrs. Summers?"
She took hold of Angel's hand and they made their way over to the doctor. "How is she, Doctor Thomas?" she asked.
He smiled. "Buffy's doing fine. She's coherent, knows who she is and where she is. No signs of any amnesia, except for the fact that she doesn't know what today's date is; she still thinks it's November 19th. I explained to her that she was in a coma and told her what injuries she suffered, although I didn't feel it was my place to tell her about the miscarriage."
"Thank you, Doctor. I want to be the one to tell her," Angel said.
"Are there any permanent injuries?" Mrs. Summers wanted to know.
"Buffy has a cut on her cheek, which I believe may leave a scar, but it's nothing a small amount of plastic surgery can't fix. Her ribs and her jaw are healing nicely, and the majority of her cuts and bruises have already healed. I took her for an MRI of her abdominal area, which is why the examination took so long. Buffy complained of some pain and discomfort there. I just got the results back."
"And?"
"She has a tear in her uterine wall, a very large tear."
"What does that mean?" Angel asked.
"There's a chance Buffy may never be able to have children."
********
Angel stepped into the room, seeing Buffy lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. He knocked on the door, announcing his presence.
"Hey, you," she greeted.
"Hi. How do you feel?"
"Like I was run over by a truck. Angel, what happened to me? I don't remember why I'm here."
He sat down in the chair next to her bed, taking her hand in his. "We were patrolling and you got into a fight with my mother. She threw you against the wall of the mausoleum."
"And I've been in here for a month?"
Angel nodded. "Yes."
"What happened to her?"
"Don't worry about it."
"I wanna know."
"She's dead. I killed her that night. She more than deserved it for what she did to us."
"What did she do?"
He couldn't tell her about the baby. Not until she was emotionally stronger. "I'll tell you another time."
"Promise?"
"Promise. I've missed you so much, Buffy. It's been hell without you. I didn't know if I could make it."
"You didn't?"
"No. And it was all my fault. You are here because of me."
She shook her head slowly, still somewhat weak. "Don't say that. It's not your fault. I shouldn't have gone out that night, I didn't feel good. I wasn't at full strength, I remember that. But apparently I fought your mom anyway."
"I couldn't protect you," he said, avoiding her eyes.
"Angel, it's not your job to protect me. But you're not hurt, so I obviously protected you. It was all worth it, then."
"There's a price for everything, Buffy. I couldn't keep you safe and I paid that price."
"Stop blaming yourself. None of this is your fault. I don't blame you; I couldn't blame you. Angel, I love you."
He reached over to kiss her cheek. "I love you, too." Despite her words, he still believed deep down that he was to blame. They lost their baby, he almost lost Buffy, and the chance of ever raising a family with the woman he loved.
Part Sixty
"Mom, can I ask you a question?" Buffy asked five days later, on New Year's Eve.
She'd recovered almost fully from her brush with death. Buffy was still quite sore from her broken ribs, and still complained of abdominal pain. When Mrs. Summers told her what the doctor said about her uterine tear and the possibility of never being able to have children, Buffy took it hard. She cried for an hour, and Angel said that he didn't care if she couldn't have children; all that mattered to him was that she was okay.
"That's not important to me. You are," Angel told her.
Buffy sniffled. "If someone had said this to me a year ago, it wouldn't have made a difference. I didn't think I had a future, much less the chance to have children. But now? I want it, so badly. I have a future and I want children. *Your* children."
It nearly broke his heart. Buffy wanted to raise a family with him, but now, it seemed they'd lost that chance. She was distraught enough; finding out that their child didn't survive her battle with Carolyn might send her over the edge. So, he told her that there were doctors who specialize in infertility, or they could always adopt a child. Then Angel reminded Buffy that Doctor Thomas said it was only a possibility; it wasn't one hundred percent positive that she couldn't have children.
"What is it, honey?" Mrs. Summers asked.
"While I was unconscious, what was it like? How did everyone react?"
She could see what Buffy was getting at. "You mean, did we miss you? Of course we did. You're important to all of us, you know that."
Buffy shook her head. "Like, did you guys continue on with your everyday lives?"
"We were upset, to say the least. Your father stayed in town for a week before he had to go back to work. But he came to visit every weekend. Willow and Cordelia visited as often as they could. I was here everyday after work and Angel was here all day long."
"Oh."
"It was hard for us to concentrate on anything while you were in the coma. You were always first in my thoughts. I spent many sleepless nights worrying about you."
"Were you sad?"
"What do you think? We all were sad, Buffy. You can't possibly think we weren't concerned or worried?"
Buffy shrugged. "I don't know what to think. I just don't if I was always alone or if somebody was here with me the entire time."
"You were never alone. If I wasn't here, Angel was. He never once left you alone when he could be with you. I think he was most upset by your being here. He hardly got any sleep," Mrs. Summers told her.
"I had to tell him to shave. I didn't like his little beard thingy. It tickled me. Was he really here all the time?"
"Yes. The only time he left was to go home and sleep. He felt so guilty for your injuries." "Why? He didn't do it."
"I know it, you know it, everyone knows it but him. I think a lot of it has to do with your father."
Buffy raised an eyebrow with curiosity. "What happened with Dad?"
Her mother waited a moment before beginning. "He blamed everything on Angel. Said that he pushed you against that building because of an argument you two were having."
"He'd never do that."
"Your father doesn't know how close you and Angel are. He only knows what he believes to be true. And when he found out how badly you were hurt, Hank took his anger out on Angel. I think Angel believed him."
"I'm going to kill Dad next time I see him. Angel's insecure enough as it is, he doesn't need Dad putting things in his head."
Mrs. Summers agreed. "It was wrong of him to do that. He even told me that he doesn't want you seeing Angel anymore."
"What?" Buffy screeched. "Dad can't do that. Doesn't he know how much I love Angel? I would, and will never, break up with him!"
Putting her fingers on her lips, Mrs. Summers said, "Calm down, Buffy. I don't want you to get overexcited. Angel is not going to leave you. Trust me on this."
Buffy nodded. "I guess you're right. He's had plenty of opportunities to leave and he's still around."
"Does that answer all of your questions?"
She smiled. "Almost. But I think Angel's keeping something from me."
That baby. "When you are ready, I am sure he will tell you everything."
********
The gang sat around Giles' living room, helping the Watcher reorganize his Watcher Diaries, which had fallen from the bookshelf two days earlier during an earthquake.
"Angel," Willow began. "Are you coming to the Bronze tonight?"
He shook his head. "No, sorry."
"Spending New Year's Eve all by yourself?" Nicole whispered in his ear. She sat next to him on the floor, facing away from the rest of the group. "Because I can always come over and we can start the new millennium with a bang, if you know what I mean."
"No, thank you." He tried hard to be civil to her, but her constant mechanisms to get him into bed with her were beginning to piss him off. How much would it take for her to understand that he was committed to Buffy?
Nicole ran her had across his leg. "I'm sure I could teach you a few things you could pass on to Princess."
"Leave me alone," he hissed under his breath.
Cordelia stood up. "Hey, Nicole, can you help me grab some more books from Giles' office?"
"Sure."
They walked to the back room of the apartment. When they'd entered, Cordelia closed the door behind them. "We need to have a little chat, Nicole."
"Really? About what?" She wasn't intimidated by Cordelia's tone of voice.
"The ethics of boyfriend stealing. Especially when it's one of my best friends' boyfriend."
Nicole shot her a look. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Give it up. I've seen how you look at Angel, how you leer at him. The way you always find a reason to sit next to him or touch him. I heard what you just said to him, about wanting to ring in the New Year with him. I'm telling you to forget it, girlfriend. Angel's devoted to Buffy and in no way is he going to jeopardize her love for him by having a one-night stand with you."
"Whatever." She made a move to leave.
Cordelia grabbed her by the upper arm. "Consider this a warning. Stay away from Buffy and Angel. Things are hard enough for them without you complicating it."
"Sure," Nicole sneered.
"But, then again, why would he even bother with a ho like you? Buffy's everything you're not. She's beautiful, smart, funny, nice, sweet… and do you know what else she has that you don't?" She didn't wait for a reply. "Angel's love. You'll never get that, no matter what little tricks you pull."
Nicole placed her hands on her hips. "Are you done?"
"Yes."
"Good. Thanks for the warning. But we'll see who wins."
********
Angel knocked lightly on Buffy's door. She looked up from the TV and grinned. "Hi! What are you doing here?"
"I got permission from Doctor Thomas to spend New Year's Eve with you. Is that okay?"
"I was hoping you'd come by. It would have been awful sitting here alone in this bed, ringing in the New Year by myself."
He gave her a soft, loving kiss. "Would never happen. I'll be right here all night."
"Do I get to kiss you at midnight?" she asked hopefully.
"If you want. I wouldn't say no."
They snuggled next to each other in Buffy's bed. He put his arm around her shoulders, holding her as close as he could without disturbing the machines she was connected to. For three hours, they sat in the bed watching the festivities on the television.
At five to midnight, Angel stood up. "Where are you going?" Buffy wanted to know.
"I-I don't know how to start this. I had a whole speech prepared, but now it's gone."
Buffy was confused. "Speech? What?"
He took a deep, nervous breath, trying to think of the right words to say. "I love you so much, Buffy. Before you, I never felt like that. You make me feel like a man, something I never thought I was. And I'm amazed by it, by the fact you love me and you're still with me after all the heartache I've caused you. You could never know who much it means to me.
"Buffy, you are the reason I wake up every morning and go to sleep every night. You're always in my dreams. You're my whole world and everything in it. Nobody can ever make me feel the way you do - loved, complete and worthy. When you're not around, it's like a piece of me is missing. I know that sometimes I do stupid things, but you've always looked past my faults. You see the real me.
"At first, when I met you, what I wanted from you, I thought I could never have. I'm the luckiest man in the world because I have that; I have everything I wanted out of life. Only one more thing will make my lifelong dream come true.
"I was going to do this on Christmas, but circumstances beyond my control kept it from happening. This isn't the way I wanted to do this, or the place. It's not exactly romantic, but tonight is, I think, is the perfect night to do it." Angel took the velvet box out of his pocket and opened it. Down on one knee, he held the box out for Buffy to see. "Buffy Anne Summers, will you marry me?"
She couldn't breathe. His proposal came out of the blue, she didn't know what to say. "Y-you want to marry me?" she choked out.
"Yes. More than anything else. I want to wake up next to you every morning for the rest of my life. I want to raise a family with you and grow old with you. What do you say, will you make me the happiest and luckiest man alive by marrying me?"
Tears ran down her cheeks. She was so happy, words couldn't describe it. "Yes! Of course, yes!"
Angel put the two carat diamond ring on her finger, kissed it, then looked her in the eye. "I never thought you'd say yes."
"How could I not?" She wrapped her arms gingerly around his neck, kissing him with all the love she felt for him. In the background, the crowd on the television cheered as the ball dropped, marking the first minute of the new millennium.
Part Sixty-One
Three days after she got engaged to Angel, Buffy went home. Her accelerated healing abilities left Doctor Thomas amazed. Never in his twenty-five years of being a medical professional had he seen a patient recover so quickly from such serious injuries. On January 3rd, he signed her release papers.
"Good luck," he told her. "If you feel any discomfort, don't hesitate to call."
Buffy smiled. "I won't. Thank you so much, Doctor."
"It was my pleasure. I'll be waiting for my invitation to your wedding."
"You're on the list of guests, I guarantee it."
After shaking his hand, the nurse wheeled Buffy out to the front entrance, where Mrs. Summers was waiting with the Jeep. Carefully, she helped her into the vehicle, and before long, the two women were on their way home.
"I want you to rest, Buffy," Mrs. Summers said.
She sighed. "I've been resting for the past week. Mom, I'm fine."
"No, you're not. You just woke up from a coma over a week ago. You're still weak and need to take it easy. Please don't argue with me, honey. Don't rush to get back to slaying."
"When I'm better, I have to," Buffy informed her mother. "I am the Slayer, it's my job."
"Let Nicole do it. She obviously likes doing her job. You can finally put an end to this madness and live a normal life."
Buffy scoffed. "Is there any such thing as a normal life? There's not."
"Then you'll have as close to a normal life as you can have without the slaying. You can be a normal girl."
"I'm not normal. I'll never be normal."
"Try, at least. None of us want you to get hurt again. You've got a bright future ahead of you. A family that loves you, friends that care about you, and a young man who wants to spend his life with you. Don't you owe it to all those people to stay safe?"
"Fine. I'll try, but I won't promise anything."
Mrs. Summers gave her daughter a smile. "That's all I'm asking."
Angel's convertible, Oz's van and Cordelia's Dodge Stratus were parked out front when Mrs. Summers and Buffy pulled into their driveway. Buffy beamed. "Everyone's here."
"I hope you don't mind; I invited them over. They were all so excited about you coming home that I thought they should be here for your homecoming."
"Thanks."
The front door opened and everyone came out onto the front porch. Willow held up a sign that read WELCOME HOME BUFFY! Angel made his way down the walk, helping Buffy step out of the car when he reached her. As she stepped out, he slipped her engagement ring back on her finger. She hadn't felt safe wearing it at the hospital for fear of someone stealing it while she slept. So she made Angel keep it until she came home, and then they would tell everyone the good news.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Better, now that I'm home. And even better than better because you're here and your ring is back on my finger."
He returned her smile and wrapped his arm around her waist, helping her walk to the porch. The gang, practically everyone she cared about -Giles, Willow, Oz, Geoffrey, Xander, Cordelia and Nicole - broke out in smiles as they climbed up the steps. Willow was the first to embrace her. In putting her arms around her best friend, Buffy's ring became noticeable to the others.
"Oh my god!" Cordelia exclaimed. "Where on earth did you get that rock?"
Buffy couldn't help but grin as she looked at her diamond ring. "Angel gave it to me."
"That's one heck of a welcome home present," commented Oz.
Buffy and Angel exchanged glances. "Should we tell them?" she asked.
"If you'd like to."
"Okay." She turned to her friends. "Angel asked me to marry him and I said yes."
The stared in surprise for a couple moments before breaking out in congratulations. Willow gave her another hug, Cordelia joined in, sandwiching the engaged Slayer, but they were careful not to put too much pressure on her. Oz, Xander, Geoffrey and Giles congratulated Angel, patting him on the back. With Mrs. Summers already inside preparing for the party, Nicole hung back, watching with disdain.
I'd better make my move. And fast, she decided.
********
"Have you guys set a date yet?" Willow wanted to know, once they were all situated inside the house.
Buffy shook her head. "No, not yet. It probably won't be for a few years. We're going to wait until I finish college, but I have a feeling that Angel and I will be moving in together very soon, as long as it's okay with my mom. I don't want to leave her alone."
"You are so lucky," Cordelia told her. "When did he propose? Was it as romantic as you hoped? Did he get down on one knee? Did you say yes right away?"
She laughed softly, careful not to put any unnecessary pressure on her abdomen. "One question at a time, Cordy. It was New Year's Eve and he asked me right before midnight. Maybe it wouldn't have seemed romantic to you, but to me, it couldn't have been more so. Angel stood up just before midnight and started talking about how much he loves me and how much I mean to him. Then he got down on one knee and proposed. Of course I said yes right away."
"Wow," Willow said. "Your ring is so beautiful."
"Yeah," she replied. "Angel doesn't like to do things halfway."
"Apparently not. Geez, rich, handsome, romantic, and utterly devoted to you. Buffy, you've got it made," said Cordelia.
"I'm just lucky, I guess."
Nicole couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't stand the way everyone treated Buffy as if she were some kind of goddess or something. She hated pretending she was glad the Slayer was back, pretending to care about her health when she hoped she'd died in the hospital. Saying a quick goodbye, the new Slayer left the Summers' house.
God-damned bitch acts like she's the queen of the world. So what if she was in a coma for a month? It's obvious she isn't a very good Slayer if she almost died. And what makes it even worse is the way Angel treats her like she's the most precious thing he's ever seen. The way he looks at her makes me sick. So full of love…he should be looking at me that way, not Buffy. It isn't fair. I'm ten times the woman she is. He will be mine, no matter what it takes.
********
Everyone left at nine o'clock, leaving only Buffy, Angel and Mrs. Summers at the house. Buffy's mother insisted that they go upstairs while she cleaned up after the party. Angel wanted to help, but she said no, telling him that he needed some time alone with her daughter.
"I think she's ready to hear everything," Mrs. Summers said. "Tell Buffy about the baby."
She was right. Buffy deserved to know, he could no longer keep it a secret from her. Once upstairs in her room, Angel made her sit down on the bed.
"What's wrong, Angel? What's with the dire?" Buffy asked.
He sat next to her, taking her small hands in his. "You don't know everything that happened with my mother."
"Tell me, then."
"It's hard, Buffy, but you need to know, because it affected both of us."
Buffy gave him a curious look. "Why are you being so cryptic? Just tell me. I can handle it."
Angel took a deep breath, dreading what he had to say. "I love you, more because of everything that happened to us, because of everything we lost due to my mother's vengeance."
"Angel?"
"Remember that day? You were sick because of food poisoning?" Buffy nodded. "It wasn't because you ate bad tuna. You were pregnant, Buffy."
She didn't respond right away. She stared into his brown eyes, so full of love, hurt and regret. The sadness in them was apparent to her, but she didn't understand why. "Pregnant? I'm having a baby?"
He shook his head sadly. This was what hurt him the most. "No. The baby…he-he didn't make it. You had a miscarriage." Tears sprung from his eyes.
Buffy's lower lip trembled. Without knowing it, her hand reached to touch her belly, now empty, which at one time carried a helpless baby. A feeling of emptiness came over her. Within moments, tears ran down her cheeks. Angel held her in his arms as he let her cry on his shoulder. Fresh tears of his own fell; they grieved the loss of the child they never knew.
She lifted her head. "I'm so sorry," she apologized through her tears.
"For what? You have nothing to apologize for."
"I can't seem to do anything right. We were going to have a baby. A little baby we made together, you and me. And I lost it. And we can never have another one. All because of me."
"This isn't your fault, Buffy. Your injuries were too severe and our son couldn't make it. That has nothing to do with you."
"Son? We were going to have a boy?" Knowing the sex of their lost baby made it all the more real to her.
"Yes. You were almost three months along, and the doctor said you were going to have a boy."
She began weeping again. "Our son. We'll never get to see him. Would he have looked like you? Would he have you hair and your eyes? Would he be tall like you? We will never know. Never hear his first words; never see him crawl or walk; never see him on his first day of school; never see him in a school play; never see him go on his first date, go to Prom or graduate high school. Or get married or have children. We'll never be grandparents."
"Buffy, we'll be able to do all those things. Maybe we weren't meant to this time, but there will be another time, other opportunities for those dreams to come true."
"No, there won't. We can't have any children. Or, I can't have children, Angel. I want to have your baby. I want it to grow inside me and I've lost my only chance to be the mother of your children."
Angel put his hand underneath her chin, lifting her head up. "You gave me a child, Buffy. And we'll have more, I promise."
"If you don't want to marry me, I'll understand," she said in a small voice.
He kissed her lips, salty from her tears. "Of course I want to marry you. I love you, I don't care if you can't give me children of my own. We'll adopt if we have to. But I'm not going to leave you because of something like that."
"You mean that?"
"I want to spend forever with you; I have since I first saw you. And I knew about all this before I asked you to marry me. If it was a problem or something I couldn't deal with, I wouldn't have proposed. I still want to be with you. Nothing's changed, you're still the woman I love."
They embraced each other, crying until they fell asleep in Buffy's bed. Angel held her all night; he didn't want to let her go, didn't want to lose her as they'd lost their child.
Part Sixty-Two
A week after Buffy's birthday, on January 26th, Mrs. Summers found a letter addressed to Buffy in their mailbox. "Buffy!" she called upstairs to her daughter, who sat in her bedroom. "You have mail!"
Buffy put down her Psychology book. She'd started the second semester of her freshman year a few days before and was already trying to get ahead, considering all the school she'd missed in November and December. In order to receive full credit for those courses she'd missed out on, Buffy had to re-take them.
"Coming!" she said as she made her way down the stairs. It was a month since she'd woken up from her coma, and she still wasn't back to her full strength. Due to her weakened state, Angel and Giles refused to let her patrol. Nicole took over the slaying duties.
Mrs. Summers handed her the letter once Buffy reached her side. "It's from England."
Buffy raised her eyebrows. "I don't know anyone in England." She looked at the return address, recognizing it from an envelope she'd seen on Giles' desk. "It's from the Watcher's Council."
"A birthday card, maybe? They're a little late, your birthday was last week."
She shook her head in disagreement. "I don't think so. The Council has never sent me one before. Why would they start at nineteen? It doesn't make sense."
"Why don't you open it up and find out," suggested her mother.
Buffy tore the envelope open, pulling out the letter inside. As she read it over, she knew that it was not a letter wishing her a Happy Birthday. Far from it, in fact. She read it twice, unable to believe what she was reading.
DEAR MISS SUMMERS,
THE WATCHER'S COUNCIL OF ENGLAND WAS DEEPLY DISTRAUGHT OVER THE INJURIES YOU SUFFERED DURING BATTLE. THE LOSS OF OUR MOST POWERFUL SLAYER , EVEN IF ONLY FOR A SHORT WHILE, AFFECTED US IMMENSELY. IT IS WITH THE UTMOST REGRET AND SORROW THAT WE SEND YOU THIS LETTER.
THE COUNCIL GRIEVES THE LOSS OF YOUR CHILD, AS DO YOU, ANGEL REILLY AND YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS. THERE IS NO GREATER LOSS THAN THE LOSS OF A CHILD. HE OR SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN EXTRAORDINARY, A GREAT ASSET TO US, WITH THE STRENGTH THIS CHILD MIGHT HAVE INHERITED FROM ITS PARENTS. WE ARE DEEPLY SADDENED BY THE LOSS OF THIS GREAT WARRIOR IN OUR FIGHT AGAINST EVIL.
HOWEVER, IN THE INTERESTS OF OUR FIGHT, WE FEEL THAT IT WOULD BE BEST FOR ALL PARTIES IF NICOLE BAKOWSKI, THE YOUNG GIRL CALLED DURING YOUR INCAPACITATION, WERE TO TAKE OVER THE DUTIES OF SLAYER. THE WATCHER'S COUNCIL THANKS YOU FOR YOUR DEDICATION TO YOUR CALLING. MISS SUMMERS, YOU ARE A CREDIT TO US AND HAVE SERVED US WELL. WE WISH YOU WELL IN THE FUTURE.
CORDIALLY YOURS,
GEORGE P. SMYTHE
COUNCIL HEAD
She could only stare at the letter, not noticing how her hand trembled, causing the letter to fall to the ground. Mrs. Summers picked it up, reading it over. She hugged her daughter, who shook with pure shock. Out of the blue, she'd been fired from her job as Slayer. Her destiny, her calling, had been snatched away without warning.
"Buffy, I wish I knew what to say. I'm sorry."
She looked up at her mother. "They didn't want me anymore. I'm not good enough to be a Slayer."
"Don't say that. Of course you are."
Buffy closed her eyes, pondering her future, now limitless. "What will I do now?"
"This is a blessing, honey. Now you can have a normal life. You can do anything you want."
"I guess. But who am I if I'm not the Slayer?" she asked.
"You're Buffy Summers, daughter, fiancee and friend. You'll be you. Buffy, you are not going to change personally. Maybe you're lifestyle will change, but you will still be the same."
She thought about it for a minute. "You think so? I won't change?"
"No, you won't."
"Thanks." She started back up the stairs.
"Where are you going?"
She stopped. "To call Giles and find out if he knew about this."
In her bedroom, Buffy picked up her telephone and dialed her Watcher. 'Former Watcher. I'm not his Slayer anymore.' He picked up on the second ring.
"Hello?" he answered.
"Giles, it's me. Buffy."
"Buffy, hello. How have you been?"
She sighed. "Peachy. Except for this letter I got from the Watcher's Council today. What's going on? Why am I not the Slayer anymore? Why did they suddenly fire me?"
"I just received a letter myself from them."
"What did it say about me? Did they tell you why?" she wanted to know.
"All it said was that I am to focus my attention on Nicole and that you are no longer the Slayer."
"That's it? No explanation? I've been fighting vampires and demons for four years and now, all of a sudden, I'm a liability? I don't get it. I lose one fight, I lose my baby and I lose my job, too?"
"I wish I knew what to say to you, Buffy, but I don't."
A question entered her mind. "How did they know, Giles?"
"About what?"
"The baby. They said they're upset about the loss of my baby. He'd have been a warrior. How could they have known? I didn't tell them. Did you?"
"No, I didn't. I can only speculate that the Council got a hold of your hospital records. It wouldn't be the first time." Giles paused for a moment. "You have been through a great deal lately, you don't deserve to be treated like this."
"The Council doesn't care about me or my baby. They never did. And they made it crystal clear."
********
"This is a good thing, Buffy," Angel told her later that day.
"How?"
"Now you won't be in danger everyday. I won't have to stay awake all night worrying if you're okay. We can just be a normal couple. We can start planning for the wedding, get stuff ready."
She only looked at him. "You're still part of all that stuff, you're a Watcher."
"I'm not a Watcher twenty four hours a day. My first priority is you. It always will be, no matter what."
Buffy wrapped her arms around him, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. As his hand ran up her back to the nape of her neck, tangling in her hair, Buffy began to undo the buttons on his shirt. Angel gently pushed her away.
"What is it?" she asked.
"I can't do this."
His words were reminiscent of when he returned from England, and Buffy had wanted to make love to him. He was doing the same thing again - saying no. Only this time, there was no reason to. "Why?"
"Not now."
"That's not a reason, Angel. I want to be with you, I want to take comfort in you. It's been so long since we made love."
"You're not strong enough yet."
"Yes, I am. If I wasn't strong enough, I'd know it. Please."
He shook his head. "No, Buffy," he said forcefully.
Buffy narrowed her eyes. "My being weak isn't the reason, is it?" she demanded. "It's me. You don't want to be with me. I disgust you; repulse you."
Her statement caught him off-guard. "What?"
"I'm not pretty anymore. It's the scar. It makes you sick; I make you sick. Just admit it."
"Do you think I'm that self-centered? The scar isn't bad, Buffy."
"Yeah, right. You can't even look me in the eye when you say that. I'm horribly ugly and you can't bear to touch me because of it."
He hated what she was saying to him, the accusations she threw. "If you think it's so ugly, think you're so ugly, then go to a plastic surgeon. I'll pay for it if it'll make you feel better."
"Now you're telling me to have reconstructive surgery? I thought you loved me!" she shouted.
"I do!"
"No, you loved the old me, the one without the scar on her cheek.You said it yourself, you fell in love with me at first sight. Apparently my looks don't please you now."
Angel growled. It was something he only did when he was angry. "I fell in love with more than just your face. I love your soul. Maybe at first it was your looks, but I love you. All of you."
"If you loved all of me, you'd show me."
"I thought I had."
"Then make love to me. Show me."
"No."
Her face was red with anger. "This is about more than just my scar. You won't sleep with me because you can't stand the fact that it won't be fruitful."
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh, please. No matter how many times we have sex, nothing will ever come out of it. I'll never be able to give you children and you hate me for that," Buffy accused.
"I don't care about that. I don't need children to be happy."
She sneered. "Sure you don't. I never once saw you cry over the loss of our son."
"I cried, Buffy. Everyday."
"And now you're staying with me out of guilt? You got me pregnant and I lost the baby. And the only reason you're still around is because you feel guilty for knocking me up!"
Angel had to hold himself back from slapping her. Her words were so hurtful. "How can you say that?!"
"It's the truth, isn't it? I sure as hell don't hear you denying it."
"Do you want me to deny it?"
"I don't need you to. I know the truth. I see who you really are. You don't care about me, you never did. All I was to you was some girl you got to fall hopelessly in love with you. Someone you could get into bed. Well, congratulations! It worked!" Buffy screamed.
He glared at her, seeing the hatred in her eyes. "I love you. But apparently you're not the girl I thought you were. You're acting like a brat."
"And you are so perfect, right?" she shot back. "Do I need to bring up the fact that you tried to rape me?"
It was like a slap in the face. Her words stung. "That was a low blow."
"What's the matter? The truth hurt? Because it is the truth. You held me to the couch and forced me to have sex with you!"
"You know what really happened. I apologized for my actions and you forgave me."
"What's that saying? Hindsight is twenty-twenty, Angel. You're nothing but a no-good, arrogant, lying rapist. And I want you out of my house; out of my life!"
Angel, so angered by everything she said, didn't object. "That's fine with me. I don't want to be here any more than you want me here. At least I finally got to see your true colors before I married you. Buffy, you really are a spoiled brat. All you ever cared about was yourself. You haven't changed at all from the girl you claim you used to be."
Buffy followed him to the front door. "Angel?" she said as he opened the door.
"What?" he asked, in a softer tone of voice.
She yanked the engagement ring off her finger, putting it in his hand. "You can have this back. I don't want it anymore."
Without a word, he left the house, slamming the door behind him. Buffy stood there for a minute, staring at the door. When she glanced down at her bare ring finger, the realization of what had happened hit her like a ton of bricks. She sank to the ground, crying.
Mrs. Summers, who'd heard the raised voices from outside in the backyard, ran to her daughter's side. "What's wrong, Buffy? Why are you crying?"
She sobbed. "Angel and I had a fight. I told him to leave and he did. We broke up."
Her mother hugged her. "It'll be okay."
"I lost him. He's gone for good this time."