Part Forty-Seven

Buffy woke up to the sensation of being shaken. She didn't open her eyes, she was still so tired. "Five more minutes, Mom. I promise not to oversleep."

Angel smiled, then bent down to kiss her cheek. "Wake up, Buffy. I have to take you home now."

"I'm sleeping."

He pulled the blankets off her body. "Come on, lazy bones. You can't be late for class."

"Hey!" she screeched. "It's cold in here. Come warm me up."

"Nuh-uh. No distractions. You have to go to school and I have research to do. Besides, Geoffrey's asleep in the spare room."

Buffy rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "What time is it? Is the sun even up yet?"

"Yes, the sun is up. It's six-thirty and I'm bringing you home."

She pouted. "Can I stay here? Pretty please? Your bed is so comfy."

As much as he wanted to give in to her, Angel had to say no. "Sorry, too much to do. Get a move on."

He left the room and went into the bathroom. Picking up a comb, he ran it through his hair. He and Geoffrey had stayed up the entire night talking. Angel understood why his mother's vampirism was kept a secret from him; he admitted that if he'd known, he probably would have searched for her. He also admitted that he couldn't hold what Geoffrey did against him.

"It's turned me into the person I am today. I'm happy, I'm in love, I have everything I've ever wanted. I might not be where I am if I'd known the truth about my mom," Angel had said.

While he still hated that the people closest to him didn't believe in him enough to tell him the truth, he knew why they did it. Geoffrey wanted him to have as normal a life as he could. A life separated from demons and darkness. Angel remembered Geoffrey's reaction ten years earlier when he told him that he wanted to be a Watcher.

"No, Angel. You can't be a Watcher," Geoffrey said. "It's not right."

"It's all I've ever known. From as far back as I can recall, I'd watch you go out almost every night and keep people safe. I want to do the same thing, follow in your footsteps, so to speak."

Geoffrey shook his head. "You don't want this kind of life. It is dangerous."

"I don't care. It's a good fight and I want to be a part of it."

"This isn't what your mother would want."

"My mother's dead," Angel stated bluntly. "And even if she were alive, she'd want me to do what I feel is right. This is it."

"Being a Watcher is more dangerous than you think, Angel. You won't always be the hunter, you'll be the hunted. There are things out there you can't possibly comprehend. But, fine, if you want to do this, I can't stop you. Although I beg of you to look into alternatives."

Angel laughed shortly. "Like what? Stock trading on Wall Street? Being a corporate magnate? I'm not cut out for that."

"But you believe you're cut out for this? For my life? When you are assigned a Slayer, not only are you in charge of your own life, but a young girl's as well. Can you handle that kind of responsibility?"

"Yes, I can. I'm only seventeen, Geoffrey. This isn't going to be happening tomorrow. If it'll make you happy, I'll go to UCLA like you planned for me to do and I'll study History."

"I hope you'll change your mind," Geoffrey said to him.

"We'll see."

He was so lost in reminiscing that Angel didn't notice Buffy enter the bathroom until he felt her arms moving around his waist. "Morning," she greeted, kissing his upper arm.

"Morning to you, too."

"What were you thinking about?" Buffy wanted to know.

"Nothing important."

Buffy rubbed her cheek against the cotton material of Angel's t-shirt. "I'm so glad you're back where you belong. Here with me."

"Where else would I be?"

She brought her hand to the back of his neck, pushing him downward for a kiss. Their arms wound around each other, and Angel became so caught up in the feeling of her lips on his that he picked her up and placed her on the counter of the bathroom. His fingers became tangled in her hair and Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him even closer. After another minute, Angel broke away.

"Why'd you stop?" Buffy asked.

He closed his eyes. "Because I can't right now."

"Is it because Geoffrey's in the other room? We can be quiet."

"No, it's not that."

"If you don't have any condoms, I don't care about that, Angel. I did some research while you were gone. Typically, Slayers can't have children. In all the thousands of years that there have been Slayers, only one managed to have a child. Your mom. So the chances of me getting pregnant are nil."

Angel shook his head. "It's not you, Buffy, it's me. With all that's happened in the past twelve hours, sex is the last thing on my mind."

"Okay," she replied in a small voice.

"You don't believe me. If I could, I'd make love to you right here and right now. But I can't."

"I understand. The stuff with your mom is stressing you out. I thought maybe I could take your mind off of it for a little while."

He planted a soft kiss on her lips. "Thanks for caring, for being here for me through all this."

"I'll always be here for you."

********

Angel and Geoffrey entered the library of Sunnydale High at quarter after nine. They hadn't bothered to call Giles before stopping by, he might have tried to stop them. Just as they entered, Giles exited his office.

"Geoffrey, Angel, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"We're here for information," Angel told him. "On my mother. And don't try to play dumb, I know the truth."

Giles nodded solemnly. He'd been expecting Angel's visit since Buffy's call the previous night. "I know you know. Buffy phoned me last night. I'm sorry that you had to find out like this. The Council never wanted you to know."

"Geoffrey explained it all. How he found out, why he packed our belongings in the middle of the night and got us the hell out of San Francisco. How the Council agreed to go along with the story about a demon killing my mother."

"You want to read about her, don't you?"

Angel looked at him. "Yes. Everything. And don't hide anything because you don't think I can handle it. After last night, nothing would shock me."

"Alright. I figured you would be coming by, so I took the liberty of indexing all the Diaries that mention Carolyn. They're on the table."

Angel walked over to the table and took a seat. He picked up the first book, found the labeled part and began reading.

"How bad is it?" Geoffrey wanted to know after hand and Giles walked into his office.

"Bad. Very bad. More along the lines of horrifying, actually. Based on my research, three Slayers have been turned. Two were killed by their sires shortly after rising. Carolyn is the only one to thrive, probably because you killed her sire. She's extremely powerful, having killed two Slayers in the past twenty years. With her Slayer and vampiric strength, she's unstoppable."

"Does she have any patterns we should know about?" Geoffrey asked.

Giles grimaced. "Carolyn's committed some heinous crimes. Most of them around the beginning of August, mostly to children. Young children."

Geoffrey closed his eyes as if in pain. "The anniversary and Angel's birthday. She became obsessed with finding her son, didn't she?"

"Yes. One thing mentioned in the Diaries is that she always asked where Angel was, to every Slayer she encountered. There's no telling what she will do to him. Or to Buffy for that matter. I assume she knows about them?"

"As far as I know. Angel told me Carolyn has made threats on Buffy's life because of her closeness to him."

Giles took a sip of his tea, and offered some to the other Watcher. "We can't protect them from this any longer. Buffy must find a way to defeat Carolyn. Without hurting Angel in the process."

Outside the office, Angel read about his mother's vampiric activities. He discovered that she had killed two Slayers, three Watchers and showed obsessive behavior in regards to school-aged children. He nearly became sick when he read that on August 8, 1994, Carolyn took the lives of a busload of second graders while calling out his name.

She's been trying to find me. Every year around my birthday she kills poor defenseless children because she wants me. Angel got up and stalked into the office. "It's because of me that she always targets children, isn't it?" he demanded.

"I believe so," answered Giles. "Don't think this is your fault. It's not."

"How can it not be? Hundreds of children have died because of me. Maybe things would have been better if I'd never been born. At least then those children would be alive."

Geoffrey walked over to the man he raised as his son. "Don't you ever think that. You were your mother's only concern when she was alive."

"Think of all the people you've saved, Angel. Think about Buffy. She'd be dead if it weren't for you saving her from that vampire in May," Giles pointed out.

Angel shook his head. "I can't stop feeling like I'm the cause of all this. And now I'm putting Buffy's life in jeopardy because my mother knows I'm in love her."

"We'll find a way to stop Carolyn," Geoffrey promised. "And when we do, you and that beautiful girl of yours can live happily ever after. You'll give her that ring, you'll get married and have a big family. And since I want to be a grandfather to your kids someday, I'm going to make certain that it happens."

Giles looked at them curiously, but said nothing. He assumed that Angel was planning to propose to Buffy. And it didn't bother him at all. He'd only been trying to keep Angel's existence in Sunnydale low-key, but with Carolyn already knowing everything, Giles no longer had a reason to keep Buffy and Angel apart.

Part Forty-Eight

"Are you sure you can handle it, Giles?" Buffy asked. "Because I'll stay here this weekend if you think something'll happen."

Giles nodded. "Everything will be fine while you are gone. I want you and Angel to have a good time. You two deserve this time away. Have fun at the reunion and don't worry about Sunnydale."

"I'm just afraid that Angel's mom will do something horrible while we're gone. What if she goes after you or the gang?"

"She won't. Carolyn doesn't know who we are. Not to mention that you haven't seen her since that first night."

"Doesn't matter, she's still out there. Every night, she sends her gang to fight me. Like a warning or something. I want you guys safe and sound. I've already called Willow, Cordy, Xander and Oz and told them to stay in at night. I want you to do the same."

"Someone has to patrol."

"That's why I said I'll stay here instead of going to L.A."

Giles put a hand on her shoulder. "You need a break, Buffy. For the past month, your life has consisted of school and patrol. You're worn out; I can tell. You won't even let Angel and I help you, you keep us locked up at night. It's been a month since Carolyn made her presence known and we haven't seen her since. The chances of her showing up this weekend are slim to none. Now, I'm ordering you to go out. Enjoy yourself at this reunion."

"Giles -"

"No `buts.' Go," Giles ordered.

********

Buffy and Angel arrived at their hotel room early Saturday afternoon. Once again, he spared no expense for their accommodations. And expensive room at the Beverly Hills Hotel where the reunion was being held. "Do you like it?" Angel wanted to know.

"It's even bigger than the room we stayed at in San Francisco. You don't need to spend so much money. I'd be happy staying at the Econo Lodge."

"Nothing but the best for you, Buffy."

She blushed. "You spoil me too much, Angel. A girl could get used to this."

"You'd better get used to it. Never again will you have to stay at some cheap motel. Not as long as I'm around," he told her.

Buffy wrapped her arms around him. "Guess I better keep you around then."

"Good idea." He kissed her passionately.

She moaned. "How much time do we have?"

"It starts at seven."

"That leaves four hours. Whatever will we do to pass the time?"

"I can think of a few things."

********

At seven-fifteen, Buffy stepped out of the bathroom, dressed and ready to go to the reunion. They'd wanted to be downstairs at seven, but they get held up, having spent an extra twenty minutes in bed.

"What do you think?" Buffy asked Angel's opinion.

Angel grinned at his love, standing before him in a dark red dress with black sequins over the chest in the design of a heart. It fell halfway to her knees, held up by thin straps. Her hair flowed to her shoulder blades and she wore a pair of black sandals. "As usual, you are breathtaking. I will be the envy of every guy down there."

"Yeah, well, once the girls get a load of you, there's going to be a lynch mob out to kill me."

"I won't let it happen. Ready to go?"

Buffy nodded. "Yep."

Stuffing the key into his pocket, Angel held the door open for Buffy. They walked hand-in-hand to the elevator. His hand trembled slightly when he pushed the button for the lobby. Buffy saw this and squeezed his other one.

"Nervous?" she asked.

"Is it that obvious?" he replied with a soft laugh.

"Don't worry, it'll be fine. And if you're having a crappy time, we can go right back upstairs and continue where we left off forty-five minutes ago."

The elevator doors opened and they stepped out. The lobby had a sign that read: WELCOME PORTER ACADEMY CLASS OF 1989. A chubby brunette sat at a table outside the ballroom. She smiled when Buffy and Angel approached.

"Hi! Welcome to the Porter Academy reunion. And you are?" the woman asked cheerfully.

Buffy stifled a giggle. This is like that scene from Grosse Pointe Blank, she thought.

"Angel Reilly."

The woman searched through the name tags. She picked one up and looked at it, then at Angel. "Good thing we put everyone's senior picture on here, nobody would recognize you."

"What a shame," he commented sarcastically.

"Well, here you go." She handed him the name tag and moved on to the person standing behind him.

"Let me see that." Buffy looked at the picture on the tag. This time she laughed out loud. "You weren't kidding when you said you were a geek."

He mock punched her. "Shut up, Buffy."

The two walked around for a minute, Angel looking for someone he recognized. They didn't have to wait very long before a tall, blonde- haired man came over to them.

"Is that you, Reilly?" he asked.

"Paul Szranski. How are you doing?" The two men hugged.

"Pretty damn good. Yourself?"

Angel shrugged. "Can't complain. You haven't changed a bit."

"Wish I could say the same about you. I wouldn't have even recognized you if I didn't see your picture on that thing. What did you do, hire a personal trainer with your millions?" Paul joked.

"Funny, Paul. I decided to go the physical fitness route in college. Spent a lot of time working out. What are you doing now?"

"I'm an investment banker in Austin, Texas."

"Married?"

Paul shook his head. "Nah. Haven't found the right girl yet. How `bout you?"

"I work for a London-based corporation in its Sunnydale branch." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either.

"Got yourself a pretty lady, I see."

"Paul, this is my girlfriend Buffy Summers. Buffy, this is Paul Szranski. We were best friends in high school."

Buffy extended her hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise. So, how'd you two meet?" Paul wanted to know.

"Angel tutored me in History."

He raised his eyebrows. "You must have a lot of free time on your hands, Reilly."

"I do."

"What do you do, Buffy?"

"I'm a student."

"Working on your Masters?"

She shook her head. "No, I'm a freshman at UC Sunnydale."

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen," answered Buffy.

Paul whistled. "Shit, man, you like `em young, don't you?"

"She's mature for her age," Angel informed him.

"I bet," he said. "It was nice seeing you. I'm gonna say hi to some people." Paul walked past them.

"That was interesting," Buffy commented.

They socialized for another hour with Angel's former friends. Everyone they spoke to made some comment about Buffy's age. It didn't bother Buffy, she didn't know these people. But it grated on Angel's nerves. Who were they to make remarks about them? He hadn't seen them in ten years, and Buffy's age was none of their concern.

"I told you they'd all be looking at you," Buffy said later. "You're a total hottie now."

"Wonderful."

"See? You finally showed them that you've changed."

A woman tapped on the microphone. "I'd like to introduce the first song of the night. Most of you may remember that it was our Prom theme. I want to see every couple out there dancing to it like we did at Prom."

Buffy grabbed Angel's hand. "Come on, let's dance."

"I don't know…"

"Please? It's your chance to dance at the Prom you never went to."

He relented. They walked to the dance floor, and he scooped Buffy into his embrace.

I'm not that kind of guy
who can take a broken heart
So don't ever leave
I don't want to see us part.
The very thought of losing you means
That everything would go down under.
I'll be loving you forever
Just as long as you want me to be
I'll be loving you forever
All this love's for you and me.

Two of Angel's former classmates watched the couple on the dance floor.

"Do you think she even knows who New Kids on the Block are?" Sharon asked.

"She probably thinks they're the Backstreet Boys of the eighties," the other woman, Melanie, replied.

"He was such a loser in high school, and now look at him. Angel's dating a child. Isn't it a felony to date someone that young? I bet she's only after his money."

Melanie shook her head. "Sex. I'm betting that he's great in bed. Look at that body. Almost makes me wish I hadn't been so mean to him back then."

I count the blessings that make our love new
There's one for me and a million for you
There's just so much that I wanna say
But when I look at you, all my thoughts get in the way.
I'll be loving you forever
Just as long as you want me to be
I'll be loving you forever
All this love's for you and me.

Angel saw Sharon and Melanie laughing at him and Buffy. Bitches. They were snobs ten years ago and they haven't changed.  He refused to be their joke like he had been in high school.

"Let's go," he told Buffy.

"Why? It's only ten o'clock."

"I can't take it anymore."

Without a goodbye to anyone, Buffy and Angel went back up to their room. In all the months she'd known him, she'd never seen him so angry. "It's okay. Don't let them get to you," she reassured him.

Angel sat down on the couch and Buffy sat next to him, placing her hand on his leg. He looked at her with passion in his eyes, then forced her back to the cushions.

"Angel, what…?"

He didn't let her finish the sentence. He climbed on top of her and forced his lips on hers. It took her by surprise, but she didn't try to stop him. When Buffy moved to put her arms around his neck, Angel's right hand captured her wrists and held them on the couch above her head. Even with her Slayer strength, she couldn't break his vise-like grip.

His left hand pushed her dress to her waist. Buffy couldn't believe it. The hands that usually touched her with such love and gentleness were savagely tearing her panties from her body. She knew what was coming next, and she couldn't stop it. Angel was like a man possessed. Tears came to her eyes as she called his name to stop.

Part Forty-Nine

"Stop!" Buffy shouted. "Angel, please!"

Her pleas didn't register in Angel's mind; he heard nothing except the taunting of his fellow classmates.

"Isn't she a little young for you?"

"Where'd you meet her, at a McDonald's Playroom?"

"She's cute, Angel. Has she finished junior high yet?"

He'd show them that he wasn't the same kid he was in high school. He was a successful man, richer than any of them could ever hope to be, and he could have any woman he wanted. Including the girl of his dreams.

Buffy turned her head to the left, forcing his lips from hers. She wanted him to stop so badly, he was scaring her. It was a new side to him, a violent, inconsiderate side that she didn't like. She wanted her Angel back, the tender, mild-mannered man she fell in love with.

When she turned her head, Angel was outraged. Who was she to turn away from him when he wanted her? With his free hand, he grabbed her chin and held her head so she couldn't move. He glared into her eyes, not seeing Buffy. No, he saw all the girls in high school who'd laughed at him and called him names. He'd show them. Angel pressed his lips hard against hers, forcing her mouth open with his tongue. He thrust it inside, then released his hold on her head, moving his hand to unzip his pants. She didn't want him, not like this. Buffy didn't know what was possessing Angel to force himself upon her. She couldn't think of anything that she'd done to upset him. Making love to him was something she never needed to be forced to do. She wanted to find a way to stop him before he went too far. His tongue was still inside her mouth. Buffy bit down. Hard. Angel removed his lips from her. It brought him back to reality. For the first time since he'd entered the room, he saw Buffy.

Instead of the bright, smiling face he'd grown to love, he found her crying, her lips bruised and swollen. Then he saw his right hand holding her wrists to the couch. Immediately, he let go, and Buffy hugged her arms to her chest, tears falling from the corners of her eyes. It wasn't until he noticed that her dress had been pushed up to her waist and her underwear pushed down to her ankles that he realized what he'd almost done. He'd nearly raped the woman he loved.

"Oh god," he said, standing up.

Buffy sat up, trembling because of her sobs. She glanced up at him, black streaks of mascara running down her cheeks. "Why?" she choked out.

Angel shook his head. He hated knowing that he made her cry. "I don't know what came over me. Buffy, I'm so sorry," he apologized.

She cried even harder. Through her tears, she fixed her clothes. Being so exposed to him made her feel even worse. "You hurt me."

"I know. But I never meant to. Hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted to do. That wasn't me. I would never force you like that." He sighed. "There's nothing I can do to make it up to you. Nothing I can say or do can change what I did."

Buffy watched as he walked to the door. "Where are you going?"

"I need to clear my head. I shouldn't be around you after what I just did."

"You don't have to go."

"Yes, I do. We both need to be by ourselves for a little while." When he left the room, he left Buffy alone, crying on the couch.

********

In the lobby, he ran into one of his former classmates, Patrick Watson, the captain of the Porter Academy basketball team ten years ago. Through all four years of high school, he'd made Angel the butt of all his practical jokes.

"Hey, Angel," he said.

"Hi," Angel replied with little enthusiasm.

"I thought you'd left the party. Where's your girlfriend?"

"Upstairs."

Patrick laughed. "Past her bedtime?"

Angel narrowed his eyes. "Go to hell."

"Ooh, such harsh words. Looks like someone didn't get any tonight."

That did it. Angel balled his fist and socked Patrick on the left cheek. He stumbled back, holding his hand to his bruised cheek. "Don't ever talk about my girlfriend like that again," Angel told him. "And for the record, you've had that coming for fourteen years."

Angel walked out to the street, finding a caf� several blocks down. He sat there for three hours, thinking about the events of that night. After what he'd done, he doubted if things between him and Buffy could go back to the way they were.

I've royally screwed up. How can I even face her after that? What if she hates me? What if she breaks up with me? I don't think I could take that. Buffy's my life, what'll I do without her?

At one in the morning, Angel returned to the hotel room, half- expecting to find Buffy still on the couch crying. But she wasn't there. He opened the door to the bedroom and she lay under the covers on the left-hand side of the bed. Her side. His side remained empty and untouched. It was almost as if it were Buffy's way of inviting him into bed with her.

He stood next to the bed, facing her. She lay sound asleep, her face free of makeup, her blonde hair rested on the pillow, her body showing no signs of his attack on her. Angel brushed a few stray hairs from her cheek, then bent down to kiss her gently.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear before retiring to the couch.

********

She was still alone when she woke up the next morning. Looking nervously around, she didn't find Angel anywhere in the bedroom. Maybe he didn't come back. What if he's too ashamed to come near me again? Leaving the bedroom, Buffy found him sitting on the couch, still wearing the suit from last night. He stared at the wall, not even turning when Buffy entered the room. "Angel?" she asked anxiously. He didn't answer her, so she continued on. "You never came to bed last night."

"I couldn't."

"Where'd you go?"

"Out. For a walk, I needed to think. When I came back, you were already asleep, so I slept out here," he answered.

She took a seat next to him. "Why?"

"How can you even ask that?" Angel shouted. She flinched at the harshness of his words. "I'm sorry, but you know why. Because of what I did to you. I've never felt so ashamed in my life. I couldn't share a bed with you, knowing what I did. I didn't deserve to."

"Shouldn't that be up to me?" Buffy questioned softly.

"Buffy, I'll understand if you never want to see me again when we get back to Sunnydale."

She touched his cheek. "Don't think that. Of course I want to see you. We all do things we regret, we all make mistakes."

"I forced myself on you."

"That wasn't you, I know. Angel, you'd never do something like that purposely. Something took over you."

"I can't put the blame on someone or something else. You have to know that it wasn't you I saw when I did that. It was everyone who made my life hell in high school. I thought I was getting back at them, but I ended up taking it out on you instead." He closed his eyes, fighting back tears. "You hate me, don't you?"

"No, I don't. I could never hate you. But if you ever try that again, I'll make Lorena Bobbitt look like an amateur," she threatened with a small smile. Angel wiped away the tears that were stinging his eyes. "I don't deserve your forgiveness. Nothing I can do will make it up to you."

"Why don't you kiss me and we'll work from there."

********

"Geoffrey, I never thought I was capable of that," Angel said that evening. "We all have a dark side. Some of us hide it better than others." Angel took a sip of his decaf. "I don't know what came over me, though. I'd never consciously do that to Buffy. Or to any woman for that matter. I never thought of myself as a rapist."

"You're not."

"I feel like it. How can she forgive me for that?"

"Because she loves you and she knows it wasn't you doing that to her. Angel, you were under a great deal of stress Saturday night. If the reunion went as badly as you said, I can somewhat understand why it happened. Your world was spinning out of control and you gained control through force. I may not condone it, but that's what seems to have happened."

Angel snorted, disgusted. "Yeah, forcing the woman I love to have sex with me. What a way to gain control. It's a cop-out. There's no explanation for what I did."

"Buffy understands, doesn't she?" Geoffrey asked. He shook his head. "She says she does. But I don't know why she let me touch her, make love to her after that."

"The girl trusts you."

"Why? Rapists are the lowest form of human life."

"That they are. But, Angel, you're not one. You'll never be like your father."

Angel looked at Geoffrey with shock and dismay. "What?"

Geoffrey took a deep breath. "There's something else I've kept from you. Something I never wanted you to know."

"What?"

"Carolyn didn't have a one-night stand with your father. He raped her."

Part Fifty

Angel nearly choked on his coffee. "What did you say?"

"You heard what I said. Your father forced your mother to have sex with him when she was fourteen. It was her first time and she got pregnant."

"So, not only was I a mistake, but I'm a child of rape?"

"I'm sorry to tell you like this, but you needed to know. Now you can see that what happened with Buffy pales in comparison to what happened to your mother. You are not like your father," Geoffrey said.

Angel shook his head. It was all so unbelievable. "I should know by now that when you say you've got something important to tell me, I'm not going to like it. How much more have you been keeping from me, Geoffrey? What else should I know about my life?"

"Aside from your mother's vampirism, the truth about your conception is the only thing I've kept from you."

"I guess I really am like him."

"No, you're not. Your father, he was infatuated with your mother. Based on what I know about him, thanks to your grandfather, he was young and trapped in an unhappy marriage. Your grandfather had recently hired him and he immediately took a liking to your mother. She was never attracted to him like he was to her, and she rebuffed him every time he made an advance toward her.

"It happened two months after she was called. Carolyn didn't react badly to being the Slayer like I told you. She embraced it, the responsibility of it all. One night, while she was on patrol, he found her. I don't know the exact specifics of it, Carolyn never liked to talk about it. All I know is that she came home crying, saying that he hurt her. Two and a half months later, she found out she was pregnant with you. "She was forced to tell her father what happened, and that she was going to have a baby. They were very close, Carolyn and your grandfather. When she told him, he didn't doubt what she said, even though her own mother did. Your father was fired the next day. We never saw nor heard from him again."

Angel shut his eyes. "She killed him."

"I beg your pardon?"

"My mother said she killed him," he told Geoffrey.

"I can't say I'm shocked or upset by it. He deserved everything he got for doing that to Carolyn. It shouldn't have happened." Geoffrey noticed the expression of sadness on Angel's face and realized that he said the wrong thing. "That's not how I meant it. No woman should be subjected to that." Angel ran his hand through his hair.

"Why-why didn't she have an abortion?" He had a hard time asking why his mother didn't end his life before he was even born.

"You know history, how abortions were regarded; Roe vs. Wade didn't occur until several years later. Abortion was still illegal in early 1971. I'd mentioned putting you up for adoption, but she refused. Carolyn couldn't part from you, she loved you before she ever saw you. Despite how you were conceived, Angel, she understood that you were a part of her."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because no child, no matter what age, should be told that they were born out of a horrific event such as rape."

"But you decided to tell me because I've turned into a sick bastard like my father."

"Angel, you stop that right now. You're not like him."

"Yes, I am. I swore to myself that I'd never turn out like him, I'd never abandon a girl if I got her pregnant. That's why I waited until I met Buffy. And I thought I was keeping my promise. Now it turns out that I have become him. A pervert, a rapist."

"There's a big difference there. He forced himself on your mother because he thought he was owed it; he took something from her she could never get back. You didn't do that; the girl you love willingly gave herself to you. Buffy has forgiven you for your attack, Carolyn could never do that. Not to mention the most important difference between you and your father."

"What's that?" Angel wanted to know.

Geoffrey smiled. "You stopped. You realized what you were doing was wrong, your father didn't. He took what he wanted without regard to what your mother wanted."

"You don't understand. I had Buffy pinned to the couch and I was this close to actually doing it. I never heard her telling me to stop, even though I know she did."

"But you didn't do it. You apologized, you took responsibility for what you did. It takes a big man to do that." Geoffrey looked at the clock. "Look, it's late and it's fairly obvious you didn't get much sleep last night. Why don't you go to bed?"

Angel nodded. "Yeah, I am pretty tired. Thank you, Geoffrey. For being honest with me. I know I don't deserve it."

"Yes, you do. See you in the morning."