101 Ways To
Kill Riley Finn
Author: Annie Email: [email protected] Rating: If you watch Buffy, you can read this Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or it's characters. I do however own this story. But the BA_Fluff site can have it if they want. Summary: I've come up with 101 different ways to kill Riley. I'm not kidding! This just shows that I have no life... Notes: This was done for two reasons. 1) I hate Riley so much it makes me want to scream and kill something and 2) because the idea seemed fun and I needed to do some Riley Bashing fic. For all those who hate Riley, I hope you enjoy. For all those who don't (are you crazy!!) I probably wouldn't want to read. Spoilers: All Riley history (and some assumptions (like ::cough:: cow obsessions ::cough::) And some B/A history
1. Blow him up with his own ray gun 2. Sic Spike (or Angelus) on him. 3. Beat him to death with a shovel 4. Send the flying monkeys from Wizard of Oz on him. (Fly my pretties, fly!) 5. Kill him with the spork of death 6. have Angel beat him up and then kill him painfully while Buffy watches 7. Force him to look at himself 8. Shove hot pokers into him while his torturer (Buffy) listens to classical music 9. Go get Acathla and send him to Hell (with Angelus...he he he) 10. Shove a giant block of cheese down his throat 11. A cow from Iowa can come and smother him 12. His pitchfork will be his downfall 13. Make him drink unpasturized cow milk and die from it 14. Get him on the wrong end of Mr. Pointy 15. slap him mildly hard. The *unbearable* pain will kill him 16. Force him to listen to the "song that never ends" for a week straight. If he doesn't kill himself from the insanity, let Xander kill him, he's needs to look good. 17. Shove cookie dough fudge mint chip ice cream down his throat until he chokes 18. Let Angel snap his neck 19. Let Buffy show him why she's the slayer 20. His corn demon (I don't own that. Someone on this list came up with the idea that Riley was a corn demon and I thought it was hilarious. I forgot the owner, so if they read this, claim credit for the good idea, it's not mine) will show and it will hatch little cornlings and Buffy and Angel will have to kill all the cornlings and then when they do Riley will cry like a baby and Angel and Buffy with turn him into popcorn and eat him. (don't ask me where that just came from) 21. Tie Riley to a stake (not Buffy's kind) and burn him alive 22. Hang him with one of those old fashioned hanging platform thingys 23. Go back in time and get a Guillotine and behead him 24. Get Buffy to drink beer again and have "Cavewoman" Buffy beat him to death with a stick 25. Drop him from an airplane 26. Shoot him with a gun 27. Turn him into a vampire and then turn him in to the Initiative where they can experiment on him 28. Squash him with a pillar (I hope that really happens!) 29. Shoot him with Faith's poison arrows 30. Let Drusilla play with him 31. Chain him to a wall and hit him with those big black balls with spikes sticking out of them 32. Drown him 33. Lock him in a room with Kate. They may not kill each other, but the outcome might be interesting. 34. Beat him with bed springs and shove them down his throat 35. Shove him in the path of an oncoming car 36. Have Willow turn him into a mouse and Angel into a cat 37. Leave him defenseless for five minutes. Won't even take that long for a vamp or something to finish him off 38. Make him be with Mrs. Stewart (one of my teachers) for about 2 seconds. That oughta do it. 39. Let Buffy drive him around for a while, but not get herself hurt. 40. Send a chicken after him while Angel hides from it 41. Rip out his eyes and tear out his guts 42. Let him live with the knowledge that he is a looser. He'll kill himself 43. Push him off the Empire State Building 44. Let him die of a cold or something 45. Bring the Indian Demon back to life and make sure it infects Riley with all kinds of things... 46. Shove his rehearsed and cheesy lines down his throat 47. Stab him with a piece of Iowa Hay 48. Cross his heart and hope he dies and stick a needle through his eye (is that how that goes) 49. Make him drink Lemon Juice and Tobaco Sauce mixed together 50. Tie him to a pole and sink it slowly into the water, filled with sharks and jellyfish (I am now halfway done!!!) 51. Chop him up with little scissors 52. Have Buffy and Angel cement him into a wall 53. Make him suffer from the "Angel Curse": If anyone touches Angel's Buffy, he will meet an untimely and VERY painful death! Bye Riley! 54. First let his insides boil, then make his hair fall out, then shrivel up his eyes and then let him explode. 55. Let the Light from Heroes shine it's heavenly glow on Riley 56. Riley is all alone in a Hotel in Colorado while Angel's crazy and is attacking him with an Ax, and Buffy is crazy too because she's urging Angel on. Will Riley make it out alive? See number 83 for the rest! 57. Kill him with a broom 58. Hit him over the head a few times with a head bust 59. Make him stand in a public bathroom for five minutes (the smell!!) 60. Dare him to hold his breath for 20 minutes. He's just dumb enough to do it 61. Riley moved in to smash the purple jar. He grinned at Buffy, knowing he'd succeeded. But she was motioning to something else. Then one of the gentlemen came over and took Riley's heart. Buffy sighed and kicked her leg out, smashing the box. Then she called out "ANGEL!!!!" 62. Pelt him with rotten vegetables 63. Let someone sit on his head (it's empty, so it would flaten in a second) 64. Lock him in a dungeon and let the rats eat him 65. Have him join the "Witness UNprotection Program 66. Let him dance in public. The people will kill him as a favor to the world. 67. Let Buffy beat him up and then snap his neck 68. Make him eat cafeteria food 69. Tie him to a tree and blow up the tree 70. Stab him with a butter knife 71. Shove him off a cliff 72. Lock him in a trunk and let him suffocate 73. Let his own tractor run him over 74. Force him to watch Barney over and over again. 75. Let my teacher Mr. Moreno sit on him. (That man is SOO large, it would kill Riley on impact) 76. Take Joss off the acid (then Riley wouldn't have even been created) 77. Take Riley off his rumored steriods. See how tough he is then! 78. Professor Walsh is actually a cow demon, and she kills Riley with her udder of doom. 79. Pour hot wax all over his body. 80. Cement him into the ground and then write: FISHBOY LIES UNDER THIS STONE. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO TRASH THE PLACE 81. Slice and dice him 82. Give him a swirlie or two then drown him in the toilet afterwards. 83. No way! Buffy and Angel hacked him up and ate him for dinner. Kidding, they just killed him and did it on the various tables in the hotel. 84. Lock him in a dungeon and leave him there to rot. 85. Put him in your oven and cook him, then feed him to your dog. 86. Drop a tree on him 87. Put him on "Magic's Greatest Secrets Revealed" and see if he can get out of the box in water. 88. Turn him into a cow and use him for hamburger meat. 89. Send him to his home planet "Teletubbie Land". 90. Take him to shoot arrows with you. "Oh Riley, sorry, I thought I was aiming at the target" 91. Take him to the zoo and throw him in the tiger cage 92. Let him run into a parked car really hard. 93. Turn him into a video game and make him the enemy 94. Send the Order of Takara after him 95. Force him to see Buffy and Angel happy for five minutes. He'll feel so upset that he's a nobody and Buffy doesn't love him that he'll kill himself 96. He's actually a fish swimmer guy (from Go Fish) and so without water he'll dry up. So Buffy sends him to the desert where he shrivels up and dies 97. Buffy wakes up from her "insanity" phase and Joss is so stressed about losing his acid that he doesn't know and Buffy has time to brutally kill Riley with various torture weapons. 98. Willow casts another wrong spell and accidentally turns him into a fly, and when Xander walks in he kills him. 99. Turn him into a statue and break him 100. Curse him into a "#1 Farm Boy" trophy 101. Send him over to the people at the BA_Fluff list, we'll have our fun with him! The End
