When she had finally calmed down, she shut her eyes and soon began to fall asleep. Angelus let out a sigh of relief and pulled her body closer to him. She groaned in her sleep and wrapped her arms around him. After about ten minutes, Angelus slowly moved away from her, so that he wouldn't wake her, and checked the clock on his desk. Rather, Angel's desk. "3:00," he said aloud. He had to get back to the factory. Spike and Drusilla would probably question him to death about where he had been, but that didn't matter. Angelus stood up and began to put his clothes back on. Thoughts were spinning around in his head. He had just made love with the girl he hated. Or did they just have sex? He didn't know. He wasn't even thinking straight when he brought her to the apartment. Or was he thinking straight? Did he know exactly what he was doing? See what I mean about the two of them not knowing a thing? He slipped his shirt on and buttoned it up when he heard Buffy's voice. "You're leaving?" He turned to look at her. "Yeah. I've got to. Spike and Dru will be wondering where I am." Buffy laughed. "So... I guess next time... you're gonna try and kill me?" she asked softly. Angelus put his shoes on and looked at her. He didn't want to lie to her. He wasn't planning on hurting her - Ever. "I guess," he finally answered. Buffy felt tears start to well up in her eyes again. She watched numbly as Angelus walked over and opened the door to leave. "Angel!" she called. Angelus looked down at the ground before gazing back at her. She had her arms wrapped around herself and her knees pulled up to her stomach in a protective manner. He knew why she was doing this. She was afraid that he was going to hurt her. Or she felt ashamed at what they had done. "Was I good?" Buffy asked meekly. Angelus let out a fake laugh. "As good as you'll ever be," he taunted. Buffy hung her head as her tears fell. Angelus couldn't watch her cry. He walked out and closed the door behind him. But it didn't help. He could still hear her sobs and he knew he was the cause of them. The Library February 17, 1998 "We don't know for sure that they slept together, Xander," Giles said. "Let's not jump to any conclusions." "I'm sorry, but I like the conclusions that I have jumped to and I am not giving them up." Willow rolled her eyes and began to pace the floor. It was 8:45 and Buffy would be coming to school soon. Everyone had decided the night before to confront her about the clothes in the graveyard. Willow didn't want to believe that her friend had slept with Angelus, but there was a feeling in the pit of her stomach that told her she did. The feeling could have been there because she knew how her friend felt about Angel and it also could have been there because Buffy's mom had called her and asked where her daughter was. "Does it really matter if they did?" Cordelia asked. Everyone turned to look at her with questioning expressions. She didn't even squirm. "No, I mean, think about it. Buffy loved Angel. I think everybody here should know that. Maybe, she sees Angelus as Angel and if he doesn't hurt her, what's the problem?" "In case you haven't noticed, Cordy, Buffy isn't here, yet, and that means she could be - " But Xander was cut off as Buffy walked into the library. All eyes turned to her and she suddenly felt herself grow self - conscious. Could they see right through her? Did they know what she had done? "Gee," she started with a fake smile on her face,"It's quiet. Did I do something?" "That's what we're about to find out," Xander replied. Anger was filling him. It had been ever since he saw the clothes in the graveyard. He was determined to get to the bottom of everything. "Where were you last night, Buffy?" Giles asked softly and calmly. Buffy hesitated. "I... I was at home. I patrolled for awhile and then I went home." "You must have gotten home late," Willow said. "Wh - Why do you say that?" "Your mom called me. I told her you with me. Studying. Having a whole bunch of fun learning about history." Buffy hung her head. They knew something. She wondered if they knew everything. Xander reached behind a pile of books and pulled out Buffy's tank top. Her eyes grew large and she nearly gasped out loud. "Surprised?" Xander asked with a laugh. "There's more. You left your leather jacket and he left his duster." "I... I don't know -" "You don't know what we're talking about, is that it?" Xander interrupted, taking steps further to her. She looked up at him for a few seconds, but quickly looked at the floor. "Now tell us the truth, Buffy. Where were you and were you with him?" Buffy gazed at all of her friends. Cordelia stood against the stairs, her arms folded. Willow was sitting at the table, looking at her friend sadly. And Giles was staring at her, not even wanting to her the words come out of her mouth. And then there was Xander, who was hell - bent on hurting Angel and hell - bent on keeping her away from him. "Nothing happened, if that's what you're getting at," Buffy whispered. "He came. And we got into a pretty bad fight." "Then why in the hell were your clothes in the graveyard?!" Xander screamed. "It was a bad fight," Buffy answered, tears beginning to form in her eyes. "I don't believe you!" "You don't have to!" the slayer screamed at the top of her lungs, as her tears came and she broke like glass. Willow immediately ran and caught her friend before she collapsed onto the floor. "Shh," Willow whispered, stroking her friend's hair. "It's okay, Buffy. Just tell us what happened. I'm not mad at you. Cordelia's not mad at you. And whatever happened, Giles will not be mad at you." "And I won't, Buffy," Giles confirmed. Buffy looked at the faces of her friends. Each expression was caring, except for Xander's. He appeared as if he was about to come to blows. Willow pushed Buffy's blonde hair behind her ears. "C'mon, Buffy. Just tell us." Buffy turned to her friend as more tears came. "Oh, God. I'm sorry." Willow nodded her head and pulled her friend to her. Buffy just kept repeating her words of apology. "It's okay, Buffy," the redhead said. "Everything's gonna be okay." "I... wasn't thinking," the girl said between sobs. "I wasn't thinking." "No. It's okay." Giles sighed and pushed past Xander and knelt beside the crying girl. "Come here, Buffy." She tried to push him away, not wanting anybody to be near her. "No. No. Don't." "It's okay. It's alright." Giles picked her up and carried her into his office. He layed her down on his couch and ordered for her to rest. "I'm so sorry," Buffy managed to say, pulling herself into a ball. "No. Don't say you're sorry, Buffy," Giles said as he shook his head. "You have no reason to be sorry. I just want you to rest." Buffy nodded her head and closed her eyes. "Okay." "Good." Giles stood up and gently shut the door behind him. "Are you people insane?" Xander asked as he glared at everybody in the room. Willow was still sitting on the floor and began to shake her head. "You just don't get it, Xander." "Are you insane?!" Giles hissed in a whisper. "Yelling at her like that! She's been through enough, Xander! She doesn't need you screaming at her about how wrong she was! It was wrong decision! I know that! She seems to know that! But you can't do that to her! She's going through a tough time!" "What do you think the rest of us are going through, Giles?! You think we like to sit and watch our friend suffer! It's the last thing I want to see! I held her when she cried! I know what she's going through! But why would she go and have sex with him?!" "She did it because she loves him," Willow answered. Xander - along with everyone else in the library - turned to the redhead. She laughed softly. "Love will make you do crazy things," she started. "It'll make you smile. It'll make you cry. It'll make you hope. And it'll make you stop having faith in everything you ever believed in." She felt her own tears start to come up as she looked into Xander's eyes "It'll make you yell and scream and wait for the person that you've loved all your life even though you know he's never going to notice you!" she exclaimed through gritted teeth. "It'll make you hurt and suffer and make you wish that you would die ever so quickly! You can stand back and say it will run it's course and that it's going to go away, but it won't! Love makes you do all those things... because you're so happy and you feel so... lucky that you found it. But you are still scared and sad all at the same time because you're so afraid that it's going to leave you and never return or that the guy you love is going to notice other girls and just think of you as his friend. She did it because she loves him. She may not love Angelus, but you know exactly how she feels about Angel." Xander knelt down beside his friend and reached to wipe her tears. "Will, are you -" "Don't touch me," she said, slapping his hand away. She stood up. "It's the last thing that I want you to do." With that, she ran from the library. I'm gonna apologize For falling in love with you I'm gonna apologize Because it's something no one wants me to do I'm gonna dry my eyes For the tears that fall down my face I'm gonna dry eyes Because I'm running towards your place I'm not gonna cry For I know everything's gonna be okay I'm not gonna cry Because I'll wake up from this nightmare someday I'm gonna apologize For making love with you I'm gonna apologize Because it's all that I want to do - Sunrise Chapter Three : Insecurity That Night Buffy's Home The slayer walked into her house ever so slowly. Guilt was overriding her. She had betrayed her friends - The people she held so dear to her heart. She had betrayed them just for one night of pleasure with the vampire she was sworn to hate. But guilt was the only thing she felt as she set her jacket down on the couch in her living room. She felt wanting conquering her, also. She wanted Angelus so bad it was killing her. Inside of her, everything was being torn apart. The only way it would stop ws if she had him. "Buffy? Is that you?" Joyce called from the kitchen. Buffy sighed and put on a fake smile. "Yeah, it's me, Mom," she replied, walking into the kitchen and sitting down at the counter. "How did the studying go at Willow's?" Joyce asked as she reached up to get a glass from her cabinet. As she heard this question, Buffy seemed to drift away somewhere. Her smile faded, her eyes stared off into space, and memories filled her head. Let it go this time. Joyce filled her glass with water and was about to take a sip when she noticed the expression on her daughter's face. Buffy looked so pained. As if her world was crashing down on her every second and there was nothing she could do to hold it up. She's just seventeen, Joyce's mind said. You remember what that was like. It's perfectly normal for her to be acting this way. "Buffy?" Buffy jerked back into reality. "What? Oh, yeah. I studied... at Willow's. You know how much she likes to do that sort of thing." Joyce laughed. "She's a good girl." And I'm not? Buffy asked silently. "Mom?" "Hmm?" "Nothing." Joyce set her glass down and sat beside her daughter. "What's wrong, Honey? There's something." "No, there isn't," her daughter lied. Could her mother see it also? Did her mother know what had happened almost a month before on her birthday? Were the words "I HAD SEX" literally stamped on her forehead for the whole world to see? "Okay. I'm not going to pressure you to tell me. But I am here if you need to talk to me, Buffy." "I know." There was a moment of silence before Joyce sighed and stood up. "I'd better go pack." "Pack?" Buffy questioned. "I have an art convention in L.A. I'm leaving in about thirty mintues. Don't worry. I'll be back in three days." "Okay." Joyce wagged her finger at Buffy. "No parties." Buffy smiled and shook her head. "No parties." "No messing up the house." "No messing up the house." "And no boys." Buffy looked down at the kitchen floor. "And no boys." Buffy wrapped a towel around herself and walked into her room, shutting her door behind her. Her mom was gone. She had left nearly an hour ago. Buffy had told her to be careful, but she wasn't really worried about her mother. Her mind was simply on Angelus. Would he come to her again? Would he try and kill her or would they sleep together again? Was she betraying Angel by wanting Angelus? Was she ever going to stop feeling this way? Buffy sighed and sat down on her bed. She hated feeling this way. She loved Angel. Not Angelus. But when she was with him, she felt something that made her feel complete inside out. There was something about how he would touch her or smile at her or make love to her that was familiar. The only thing was she had been with Angel and he had never done those things the way Angelus did. The two of them were complete opposites. Or were they? Buffy groaned at the confusing thoughts in her head as she walked over to her drawers and began plundering for pajamas. She didn't even hear Angelus come in through her window or feel his arms encircle her waist until seconds after. She gasped and turned around to face him, holding her sleepwear in her hand. Angelus laughed and grabbed them, throwing them on the floor. "You don't need those." Buffy suddenly felt embarrassed. She looked away from him as he stroked her wet cheek. "Wha - What are you doing here?" "Is that all I get for giving you thirty-five minutes of my precious time?" Angelus taunted. "I meant... You said that the next time we saw each other, that you'd try and kill me." Angelus shrugged. "I lied." Their eyes met and searched each other's, as if they were looking for something lost or important. Before she knew it, Angelus slammed her up against her dresser and was kissing her. She wrapped her arms around his neck giving in. Then she jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist. Angelus kissed her wet neck before carrying her over to the bed. She removed his shirt quickly, not stopping the kiss they were engaged in. He pushed her further up the bed and she pulled the covers over them, pulling his lips back to hers. Angelus felt her hands run down his chest and undo his pants. He laughed at the smiling girl. "You get right to the point, don't you?" he whispered. Buffy's smile grew and she rolled on top of him, planting kisses all over his mouth. She pulled his pants and boxers off of him and fitted her wet body over his. Angelus couldn't believe her! She wanted him! Even after everything that he had said earlier that morning! She wanted him just as much as he wanted her! That was a lot. He pulled her towel off of her and the two didn't move, taking in the sight of each other. That moment didn't last long. Buffy lowered her lips to his and shoved her tongue into his mouth. Angelus let his hands travel to her hips, leaving them there for a few seconds, before traveling up to her back and stroking her. Buffy couldn't believe what she was doing. She was having sex with Angelus! Again! But she didn't care. Maybe she wasn't thinking or maybe she knew exactly what in the hell she was doing. Whatever the case, though, she loved the feeling she had at the moment. She moved up and let her breasts fall in front of his lips. Angelus took one at a time into his mouth, causing her to moan loudly. He gazed up at her face and pulled her lips back to his. Then he rolled on top of her and entered her quickly. Buffy gasped at the quick, hard movements he was making inside of her. Her gasps soon subsided though and turned to moans of delight. Angelus laughed softly and bit down on her nipples. She pulled at the hair on his head as she felt his teeth nibbling gently on her. He began to kiss her neck and whisper in her ear. "Are you going to hold back this time?" "No," she managed to answer, but her answer turned into a loud moan. Angelus held her tightly and sped up in his movements. Her hips moved with his as her legs were wrapped tightly around his waist. "Angelus..." She was calling his name. She wasn't calling him Angel. Something came over Angelus that he didn't know how or want to explain. Within minutes, they both came and Angelus collapsed onto his lover. Buffy kissed his forehead that was covered in sweat. She kissed the side of his face and put her mouth to his ear. "My turn," she whispered. She rolled on top of Angelus and began to kiss him passionately. Angelus rubbed her back and moved his hands down to her hips. Buffy felt herself flying away. Nothing mattered. How were her friends going to know? How would her mom know? She was in L. A. and her friends were at home. No one would ever know. She positioned herself over him and impaled herself onto him. At that moment, she began to move. Slowly then quickly. Angelus thrusted as hard as he could upwards as she began to moan. He teased her as he gave her little pinches with his fingers on her hips. She bent down to kiss him, not slowing down at all, but her lips never made it to his own. He pushed up farther into her, causing her to moan his name loudly. Buffy stopped moving as she felt her muscles go limp and she straightened her body on his. He kissed her softly and she placed her head on his shoulder. "Was I good?" she asked softly, her fingers entwining in his. Angelus looked at their hands for a few seconds before looking at her. He couldn't lie to her anymore. "You were good. Just like you always are." Buffy felt relief wash over her and all of her insecuritites leave her. Can you heal me of this self - conscious feeling that's taking over me? Can you feel my shyness taking over my heart and soul? Can you love me even when I might not be what you want me to be? Can you help make myself whole? Can you heal me of this self - conscious feeling that's taking over Can you heal me of my insecurity? - Sunrise Chapter Four : Secret "Why'd you come?" Buffy asked. Angelus didn't answer right away because he didn't know why he had come. Something had just compelled him to see her. "I don't know," he finally answered. Buffy smiled and snuggled closer to him. "Whatever the reason... I'm glad you did." Angelus smiled and kissed her forehead. She didn't move, appearing to be deep in thought about something. His smile faded and he stroked her face. "Hey. What's wrong?" Buffy sighed. She didn't want to tell him what she was feeling or what she was thinking about. It would just ruin the moment they were having together. "Hey. Tell me," Angelus said. Buffy looked up at him and sighed heavily once more. "Today... My friends know what happened between us last night. They went to the graveyard, checking up on me, and they found our clothes. Needless to say, Xander was pretty mad." "What did everyone else think?" Buffy shrugged. "They were... I don't know. They felt sorry for me." Angelus looked away from her. "Because it was me." Buffy sat up and pulled his face back to hers. "No. Don't think that. Look... I don't know what's going on with the two of us. I don't know why we can't seem to not jump into bed with each other instead of trying to kill each other. I don't know why you aren't killing me now. I don't even know why I am even letting you touch me. But I do know that I don't care that I don't know - If that makes any sense to you." Angelus pulled her down to kiss her. This kiss was different from the ones they had shared before. It was softer, more gentle. It felt more like the kisses Buffy had known from Angel. When it was over, Buffy layed back down and snuggled against Angelus. The two just stared at each other, not knowing what to do or say. Finally, Buffy broke the silence. "Are you going to leave this time?" Angelus sighed. "I'll have to before the night is over. You know that. But I'm going to stay until you go to sleep." Buffy smiled and wrapped her arm around his chest. "Good," she whispered. Angelus took her hand into his and kissed her fingertips. Buffy closed her eyes and sighed softly. Angelus smiled down at her and kissed her forehed once more. "Sleep, baby," he ordered in a soft voice. Within moments, she was doing just that. Angelus didn't go to sleep. He just stared at the rise and fall of her chest. She was amazing. She was everything he ever wanted. He was fascinated with her and never ever wanted to leave or hurt her again. He just didn't know how to tell her that. But with the feelings he was beginning to have for her, came more feelings. Feelings he didn't like having. He was a demon. He wasn't the same man she had fallen in love with. Sure, they were in the same body, but the personalities were different. Or were they? Angelus gazed at the alarm clock on Buffy's desk and decided that he didn't have the time to compare and contrast himself with Angel. He had to leave. It was already 5 : 00 in the morning. The sun would be coming up in an hour. Swiftly, he stood up and began to put his clothes back on. As soon as he put his last piece of clothing on, he headed towards Buffy's door. But something stopped him and turned back to look at her. She stirred in her sleep and rolled over onto her side, facing her back towards him in her sleep. He smiled and walked over to her, pulling the covers around her small body, and kissing her softly on the cheek. Then he reluctantly left. Buffy groaned as she heard her telephone ring. "Arg," she said to herself, burying her face into her pillow. "Go away." The telephone continued ringing. Buffy sat up in her bed, feeling a wave a nausea wash over as she did this. Great, she thought. You really should have listened to Willow. You have the virus again. The phone rang again, interrupting her thoughts. Buffy glared at the little machine on her table beside her bed and picked it up. "Hello?" "Hi, Honey." Buffy smiled and placed her head in her hands. "Hey, Mom." "Sweetie, what's wrong?" "I think I've got the twenty - four hour virus again," Buffy answered, taking a deep breath to keep from throwing up. "Again? That's the second time in nearly a month." "I know. Willow had it and her mom made her go to school. I probably got it from her." "I'm going to call Dr. Keats," Joyce said. "No, Mom. It's just the twenty - four. It will be gone tomorrow. I'm just gonna stay home today and rest." "Maybe it's something else, though, Buffy. You can never be too sure." Buffy laughed softly at her mother's overprotectiveness. "I'm sure I'm going to be fine. Don't worry." "Still," Joyce said. "You're my little girl and if something is wrong with you, I want to know. So, I'm going to make an appointment with Dr. Keats for the day I get back." "Okay." "Good. Now, are you being a good girl?" Buffy's mind wandered to the night before. For a moment, she could still feel Angelus' hands on her. A smile formed on her lips and she laughed. "What have you done, Buffy?" Joyce asked worriedly, in fear that her house was destroyed. "It's nothing, Mom," Buffy insisted. "I was just pulling your leg." "You better be. I've gotta go, Honey. I'll see you when I get back." "I love you, Mom." "Love you, too." Buffy hung up the phone as soon as she heard a click on the other line. She crawled out of bed, but sat back down as another wave of nausea hit. "It's okay, Buff. Just take deep breaths," she said to herself. After a few more minutes, Buffy finally stood up and again and changed into sweat pants and a tank top. For a moment there, she thought her sickness was gone, but she was wrong. She began to cough and ran for her bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Buffy sighed heavily as she finished brushing her teeth and walked out of her bathroom. She hated being sick. She hated not being able to go to school and see Giles and the others. But that day, she was actually grateful she was sick. She wasn't ready to face her friends. They probably thought she was a slut or something and if they ever found out what she had done the night before, they'd hate her. It's for the better, she thought to herself as she walked down the stairs and into her living room. She thought about eating something, but quickly decided against it. She'd only throw it up. What good would that do her? Buffy grabbed her remote control, turned on the T.V. and layed down on her couch. She changed different channels and turned it to the news, searching for reports on vampire attacks. When she saw that there had not been any, she changed that channel. After awhile - convinced that T.V. was of the lacking that day - she turned her television off and went back up to her room. Buffy stopped in her doorway and stared at the towel that was lying on the floor. A smile arose on her lips as she remembered the feel of Angelus' body on top of her own. Then she remembered his words. You were good. Just like you always are. Had he meant those words? Did he honestly say that she was good to him? Buffy didn't care. She believed those words. She trusted him - As much as it frightened her to. She walked over, picked up the towel, and sat on her bed. She looked at the pillow where his head had been. Slowly, she reached out and ran her fingers across the object before laying her own head on it. Buffy breathed in deeply. His scent was still here. It felt just like he was beside her. Holding her. She loved the feeling. Just as much as she was beginning to love him. She couldn't tell him that. He'd laugh at her, shake his head, and just say that she was his toy. Or would he? He was being so gentle with her. And then there was that feeling of deja vu Buffy kept having every time she was with him. Was he really there when she and Angel had made love? It seemed to be the only explanantion. Angel had never done some of the things that Angelus did. Buffy shook the thoughts from her head as she felt herself go crosseyed. She just closed her eyes and fell asleep, dreaming of the demon she loved. Angelus walked into Buffy's house and quietly shut the door. Worry overtook him as he heard her coughing violently upstairs in her bathroom. He knew what was wrong with her and he sure as hell didn't like it. He didn't want her being sick. He didn't want to see her suffer. Angelus rushed up the stairs and knocked on the bathroom door. "Buffy?" he called. There was no answer. He heard her coughing some more and then he heard her begin to sob. He couldn't take it anymore. He opened the door and walked in. Buffy was sitting and leaning in front of the toilet. Her face was red from coughing and throwing up so much and now she was crying. Angelus knelt down beside her amd flushed the toilet. She looked up at him and shook her head. "What are you doing here? You're gonna get it - " "Don't talk right now. I can't get sick." Buffy laughed. "Oh, yeah." She took a few deep breaths and began to cry again. "I don't think I'm done." "It's okay, Buffy. Just let it out," Angelus whispered as he rubbed her back under her tank top. "No... I'm tired of - " But she didn't finish her sentence as she began to throw up again. Angelus didn't even flinch. He was too worried about his lover to even think about how disgusting it was. He wanted nothing more than for her to be well. When she was done, she began crying again. Angelus pulled her to him. "Are you done now?" he asked softly. Buffy nodded her head against his chest, glad that he even cared. "Yeah." Angelus reached and flushed the toilet once more before going back to holding Buffy as she cried. He opened the cabinet beside him and pulled out a bathcloth. "Hold on, baby," he said as he walked to the sink. Buffy watched as he wet and rung out the cloth and sat back down beside her, wiping her face and mouth gently. Buffy stared up at him in amazement. He was willing to touch her and hold her while she was sick as a dog. He was gazing at her with worried eyes and it warmed her heart. He cared for her. "Will you pass me the mouthwash over there?" Buffy asked softly. Angelus stood up and grabbed the liquid off of the sink. The tall bottle was not even half - way full. He looked at her with an eyebrow raised. Buffy laughed at his expression. "I've used a lot," she explained. "Obviously," Angelus agreed, sitting back down beside her and passing her the bottle. Buffy opened it and poured what was left into her mouth, swallowing it in the process. "Uh, Buffy?" Angelus said. "What?" "Don't you know you're not supposed to swallow that stuff?" Buffy passed him the bottle and he set it on the counter. "It doesn't faze me," she answered. She began to stand up, but then collapsed into Angel's arms. "It doesn't faze you, huh?" Buffy glared at him. "Oh, do shut up," she joked in her best British accent. Angelus laughed and kissed her forehead. She leaned her head against his shoulder and breathed in deeply. "I feel so dizzy," she said. Angelus picked her up into his arms and carried her into her room. Buffy kept her arms around his neck, not ever wanting to let go of him. Her lover set her down on the bed and walked over to her dresser. "What are you doing?" Buffy asked. "Take off your shirt," he answered, searching through her drawers of clothes. There was a moment of silence and he turned around to look at her. She had big eyes, as if she couldn't believe what he was saying. It caused him to laugh softly. "No, Buffy. Not like that. I'm not going to take advantage of you. I might have a long time ago, but not tonight," he explained, turning back to her dresser. Buffy smiled at his words. He did care for her. She thought it was so cute how he was trying to hide his feelings. She hoped, though, that he would give in and be able to look her in the eyes and say those things. Angelus finally pulled out one of Buffy's oversized t - shirts and walked over to sit on the bed with her. She still hadn't taken her shirt off. He was about to ask why when she kissed him on the lips. "I want you to take it off of me," she whispered. Angelus swallowed hard, trying his best to not kiss her again. He pulled her closer, reached behind her body, and pulled her tank top over her head. Under her top, she wore a black bra, making it very hard for Angelus to not lay her down and make love to her. Buffy stroked his cheek with the back of her hand and brought her lips closer to his. "What are you doing?" Angelus didn't answer her question. He wasn't really sure what she meant. Was she asking what he was doing at the moment? Was she asking what he was doing every night when he came to be with her? Or was she asking about something that she herself had no idea what it was about? He didn't know and he was starting to think she didn't either. Angelus grabbed the shirt and helped slip it over Buffy's head. His hands fell down to the waistband of her sweat pants and she layed herself down on the bed. He didn't know it, but she was testing him. She was seeing if he really did care for her for if he did, he would not take advantage of her, no matter how much she tempted him. Angelus pulled her pants down off of her and threw them on the floor. She stayed in her position before slowly rising and pushing him down on the bed. She kissed his lips and neck. Angelus felt his hands slide up her shirt, no matter how much effort he put in trying to stop them. "I want you to make love to me," Buffy said, looking into his eyes. Angelus didn't know what to say. She had never uttered those words to him before. The both of them had just thought that their affair was nothing more than wild sex, with absolutely no feelings of love between them. He wanted more than anything to lay her down and do just what she was asking, but he wasn't going to. "No, Buffy," he said. "I'm not doing that to you." "Why not?" Buffy asked, grazing his lips with hers. Angelus shook his head. "I will not take advantage of you like that." Buffy smiled. He really did care for her. "Do you want to, though?" Angelus hesitated. He didn't want her to know how he felt. She caught onto this quickly and kissed him. "Remember what you told me?" she asked. "You told me to just let it go. So, just let it go. Do you want to make love to me or not?" "I want that more than anything." Buffy smiled and layed down beside him. She placed her arm over his chest and snuggled her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her waist and the other over her own on his body. Softly, he kissed her forehead. She sighed. "Suddenly feeling better," she mumbled. "I..." Angelus didn't finish. He couldn't say it. Buffy sat up and stared deeply into his eyes. "You what?" "I have something to tell you...But I just can't tell you right now." Buffy nodded her head, knowing how he felt. She had to tell him something, too. Something she couldn't bring herself to say, though. She had to tell him she loved him. "I've got to tell you something, too. It's just...I dunno. It doesn't seem right to tell you now." "I know," Angelus said. He had something very important to say to her. He was in love with her. Buffy layed back down and resumed her original position, the two of them falling asleep in each other's arms. And for once in their lives, they knew peace. I've got a secret to tell you I'll say it in a whispered hush I've got three little words to say I love you But I don't know what you'll think Will you push me away? Will you welcome me into your heart? I love you I've got a secret - Sunrise Continue 