"I long to climb through her window, to pull a loose strand of hair from
her face and watch her as she sleeps, protecting her from the demons she must
face. To hold her while she cries and wipe her tears away, to make her feel loved
and
safe even in the most dangerous of storms."- Someday
Someday
Title: Someday
Author: crystalix
Rating: PG
Summary: Angel’s POV when watching Buffy in LA. (Pre Season 1)
Pairing: minor Buffy/Angel
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon and co.
Distribution: Please ask first!
A/N: Just a little one-parter I wrote. It’s from Angel’s POV on Buffy, takes
place before “Welcome to the Hellmouth.”, before Buffy comes to Sunnydale.
Someday
The moonlight shines down on me as I walk through the abandoned streets of LA.
It’s too late for many people to be out, most are resting at home or partying
in the latest club. But not me, I’m wandering, as I have for nearly a century
now, walking aimlessly from place to place, no real purpose to serve. Then she
came, and everything changed.
I walk with my hands shoved in the pockets of my leather duster, just a part
of my new wardrobe. Most of it is black, a few jewel-tones mixed in here and
there. I indulged in expensive silk and leather, I’m not sure why, perhaps when
I meet her I want to make a good impression. Or maybe it’s something more.
Things used to be so simple, stay away from humans, don’t get involved. Just
traveling from place to place, wasting away until the day that dawn finally caught
up with me. Now, there’s so much more to it than that. I have a purpose, a destiny,
a chance to make amends for the things I’ve done. It’ll be hard, and I know the
chance for redemption is slim, but a part of me is screaming to do this, a part
that before I met her, I didn’t even know I had. A part that now, I find impossible
to ignore.
I’ve known from the first moment I saw her, walking down the front steps of her
school, sun shining on her bright face. I couldn’t believe that she was the chosen
one, but then I watched as she was forced into her destiny, as her tears fell
when she didn’t think anyone was watching. And I knew that I had to help her,
in any way I could, for the path she’s been forced upon is not any easier than
my own. I’m afraid. I’m afraid that she won’t accept me, afraid that it won’t
be enough. I’m afraid that it will be all too much for her, that she’ll end up
dead or worse because of her duties. Her life seems to be slowly going downhill,
and I watch helplessly as she falls. A century ago, she would have been what
I longed for, a challenge. I’d see how far I could push her before she went insane,
before she was almost begging for death or cowering in fear. I can still remember
the pain I saw in my victim’s eyes as I watched them, tracked them for days at
a time, there was always a spark there; one that would ultimately lead them into
the death that I often planned. I’m afraid, because when I look at her, I can
see it in her eyes.
But there’s something else, something that’s pushing me to do this, something
that has given me a chance for a new start…. Hope. I look into her eyes and I
can see her soul, the part of her that she’s trying so hard to suppress, but
at the same time yearning to reveal. The part of her that would usually be crushed;
and that I have silently sworn to protect.
And so I brush my doubts and fears aside, and keep going, silently walking through
the streets, closer and closer to the place that I now know is her home. Minutes
later, as I reach the building, I peak in the window I see her lying peacefully
in her bed, her breaths shallow in slumber. I stare at her small form, her face
one of relief and tranquility. I wonder if her sleep is the only time she can
really be herself, when the weight of the world doesn’t seem as heavy.
I long to climb through her window, to pull a loose strand of hair from her face
and watch her as she sleeps, protecting her from the demons she must face. To
hold her while she cries and wipe her tears away, to make her feel loved and
safe even in the most dangerous of storms. To show her what a beautiful person
she is, inside and out, to help her be the best that she can be. I want to talk
to her, be the person that she comes to when she’s upset or unsure, happy or
relaxed.
Someday, maybe I will be. Maybe, by some miracle, I will be a part of her life.
Be able to make her smile and laugh, listen to her comments and complaints. Maybe
one day, she’ll invite me in from the dark, overpower me with her light and show
me what life is really like.
But not today.
So I turn in the moonlight and walk away, with each step moving further and further
from the light that I’ve been shown. I’ll be back tomorrow night, I will watch
her again, and leave before dawn. Until one night, maybe, I’ll be invited in.
And when that day comes, I will embrace it.
But until then, I walk the deserted streets of LA, my hands in my pockets, with
nothing but the moonlight to watch me, only my shadow as company. Slowly moving
through the darkness that has ruled me for so long. Someday, I will finally break
free from its harsh hold.
But not today.
The End
