" He quickly silenced those thoughts, reminding himself of
why he was doing this. Buffy wanted a normal life- something she could never
have with him, he could
never give her children or take her into the light. He sighed, knowing that
it was more than a case of what he was. Although he felt guilty for it, fear
had
a lot to do with his decision.”-igeqy
I'll Get Even
With You
Title: I’ll Get Even With You
Author: crystalix
Rating: PG
Summary: “Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being
happy.” –R. Anthony
Pairing: Buffy/Angel
Timeline: After s3 “The Prom” but before “Graduation Day”
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon and co.
I’ll Get Even With You
Angel sat silently by his fireplace, watching as the small flames flickered before
him. The mansion was quiet, only the gentle sounds of the rain outside were audible.
The vampire was engrossed in his thoughts, guilt overwhelming him. He had been
second-guessing his decision to break up with Buffy ever since he had seen her
tears that day in the sewer. At first it had seemed like the right thing to do,
but after seeing the pain his decision had caused her he was uncertain, he wondered
why it felt so wrong when it was the right thing to do.
/Or how a relationship that felt so right was so wrong./
He quickly silenced those thoughts, reminding himself of why he was doing this.
Buffy wanted a normal life- something she could never have with him, he could
never give her children or take her into the light. He sighed, knowing that
it was more than a case of what he was. Although he felt guilty for it, fear
had
a lot to do with his decision. He was so happy when he was with her; she was
his salvation, his light. When she smiled it was like sunlight radiated from
her heart, engulfing him in its warmth and gentleness. For reasons unknown
to him, she had forgiven him for everything he’d done and accepted him for who he
was… unconditionally. And that scared him. To know that he could love someone
as much as he does, and have her love him back just as much? It seemed so impossible,
so profound it frightened him sometimes. That and the almost constant worry
of his soul haunted him; the fear of going too far one day and becoming a monster
again was unbearable, and ultimately, it had won.
He stared into the flames, wondering what she was doing right now, how she
was feeling. He recalled her prom, how grateful she had looked when he had
appeared
and how heartbroken when he left. A few times since then he had been to her
house to check up on her, sneaking up the tree to watch her from her window.
However
his attempts had been in vain, she was either out of her room or at Willow’s
when he came. Even in the middle of the night when she would usually be asleep,
her room was empty. He knew she had been avoiding him, he assumed she was still
angry about his decision, as he knew how much she resented people making choices
for her. She had been forced to grow up so fast, a part of him knew it was
unfair to make such a huge decision without her, but the rational side of him
kept saying
it was for the best.
Suddenly he felt it, a small tingle starting at the base of his spine, and
working its way throughout his body. Her scent flooded his senses as he heard
the front
door softly open. Finally he stood up to see his slayer, standing there wrapped
in a peach coloured raincoat, her face expressionless. He looked at her questioningly
when she didn’t speak, just stared at him.
“Buffy?” he asked, worry already taking over.
She pulled a few sheets of paper from her pocket and wordlessly handed them
to him, she took a few steps back and stared at him again; nodding towards
the documents
in his hands.
Reluctantly, he looked down at the sheets and began reading, his eyes widening
in realization. Quickly he re-read the pages, unable to believe what he was being
told. Shocked, he looked up at her, his mouth hanging open slightly.
“Is this…?”
Buffy nodded,
“Your curse. The first one’s the original one performed on you, the second’s
the version Willow did.” At his silence she continued. “You’re reading it right,
there’s no clause in the second one.”
“H-how?”
“Jenny. It looks like she rewrote the curse to so you couldn’t loose your soul
again, I guess she felt guilty for what happened…”
Angel sat down again, staring at the papers in bewilderment.
“Are you sure?”
Buffy gave him a small nod,
“Positive. After you- came back, I started researching the gypsies that cursed
you. I learned about their culture, policies, things they had done and stuff… something
just didn’t seem right. It took me a few months of digging but I managed to figure
out where the original spell was… it uh, had to be flown in from Romania. I asked
Willow for a copy of the curse she performed and she of course, knowing me all
too well, figured out what I was doing.” She took a deep breath, holding back
her tears. “After that I re-translated the text she gave me from Latin… it took
a while but I read books on Latin translation and the history of the language.
Once that was done and the original came in, it took a bit longer to do… I
finished a day or two before the prom.”
She took a deep breath, seeing him look away when she mentioned the day he broke
up with her.
“I- I noticed the difference pretty quick, I’m sorry I would have told you earlier
but I had to be sure… I cross-checked it and got in touch with some sorcerers.
Willow’s helped me find a lot of them, they all confirmed it. Your soul… your
soul is yours.”
Angel’s eyes moved from the paper to Buffy, his mind too stunned to say anything.
Could it be true? Was his soul really his own now? And if it was, what did
that mean?
His thoughts were broken quickly, however, when Buffy spoke again, her voice
shaky with emotions. He looked up at her to see tears gathering in her eyes.
“Angel… I know how much you look back on the past, how a lot of times you let
yourself believe that you don’t deserve to be happy. But you do! If there is
one person on this entire planet that deserves happiness it’s you… I watch you
sometimes, and I know that you’re hurting and more than anything I wish I could
make everything just go away, but I can’t. I see you, burying yourself in guilt
and regret so much, and a lot of the time you decide that there’s things that
you shouldn’t have because you haven’t done enough to deserve them.”
Angel opened his mouth to interrupt, but his objections died in his throat at
the almost painful look she gave him.
“I want-… I want you to promise me that you won’t throw this away, don’t think
you haven’t worked hard enough for it because you have. Promise me that you’ll
be happy. That no matter where you go, or what happens, you’ll try to find happiness.” She
looked away; Angel could see a tear rolling down her cheek. “With whatever
or- or whoever it might be.”
He stared at her, shocked and overwhelmed by her proclamations and obvious
acceptance of what he’s done. He could only nod as she stared at him, trying
to absorb her words.
Buffy stood and waited, for something- anything to indicate that things between
them had changed. She had done this for him, not for them, and she truly wanted
him to be happy. But there was a part of her; a big part of her, that wanted
more than anything for him to find that with her. Seeing him simply nod she chocked
back a sob, unable to say goodbye she turned and headed out into the rain, finally
accepting the truth that they were over.
Angel sat in the mansion for over an hour, unmoving from his standing position.
He’d reread the papers over and over, and still, he couldn’t truly believe
it. He could be happy, really, actually, happy. He no longer had to worry for
his
soul; or live in fear that he would wake up a monster one day. Tears formed
in his chocolate brown eyes, as the meaning started to sink in. He was free,
free
from the curse that had been hanging over his head for so long, from the demon
that had been lying just beneath the surface for nearly a century.
Then it hit him. Like a blazing flame had suddenly appeared before him, his
unneeded breath caught in his throat. She had said he deserved to be happy,
that he had
done more than enough to deserve this… but if he, of all people, deserved such
a chance- why didn’t she? Why didn’t she; who had given up her friends, her
family, her very life for the destiny she never asked for, be forced to endure
even a
second of unhappiness? How could he have possibly earned the choice to be happy,
while she had not?
Staring down at the papers before him, he swore he could hear his heart beat
as the realization hit. She did deserve a chance at happiness, not only that,
she deserved more than anyone the choice of in whom or where to find it. A
choice that he had stripped from her, the moment he’d started contemplating leaving
for ‘her own good’.
Suddenly, he dropped the papers and dashed from the room; running through the
familiar streets of Sunnydale he passed by dozens of people, ignoring the rain
that was pelting down on him. Arriving at her home he threw open the front door,
and ran up the stairs two at a time, opening the door to her room without warning.
There, sitting on her bed, was Buffy; tears pouring down her face as she clutched
something in her hand. Looking up, she jumped when she saw him, her eyes widening
in worry.
“Angel, what’s wr-”
Her question was cut off as his cool lips were pressed firmly against her own,
his arms wrapped around her to pull her close, oblivious his currently soaked
state. Too tired to object, she curled her arms around his large frame, allowing
herself the short delight of having him close once again.
All too soon, he pulled away, giving her a surprisingly serious look.
“Do I make you happy?” he asked.
“Wha- what?”
Angel’s voice was shaky as he replied, too overcome with emotions to keep it
steady.
“When we’re together, whether we’re patrolling or just holding each other for
no reason, do I make you happy? Because if I do, I’ll stay. You… you deserve
to be happy more than I ever could, but I can’t decide what gives you that; I
don’t have the right. So it’s your choice; if I can somehow give you that I swear
the only way I’ll ever leave is if you ask me to. I know we have more than our
share of issues, but if it’s what you want I know we can work through them together.
I’ll get on my hands and knees and beg for your forgiveness, but first I have
to know… I have to hear it; the honest truth from you. Do you think that I
can make you happy?”
Buffy looked up at him with wide eyes, tears streaming down her face.
“Don’t go.” She whispered brokenly, before bursting into sobs. “Don’t go, please
don’t go, you do make me happy, you make me happier I’ve ever been, just please
don’t go.”
Angel held her against his chest, rocking her gently as they both cried. They
clutched each other as they let tears stream down their cheeks, the pain finally
coming out in a rush.
They’d been through the angst, the guilt, the drama, and there would undoubtedly
be more to come. But they were done with the pain, now, together, they only
had to worry about one thing. Their happiness.
“I'll get even with you
For the hard times you helped me through
I'm giving back to you
All the love you've given me
For the rest of my life
Everyday and every night
If it's the last thing I ever do
I'll get even with you”
-Leann Rimes
The End
