9. Baseball. Get serious.

8. Real men don't wear figure skates.

7. Golf. Hmm. This one's a toss up. Both sports involve knocking a hard rubber object into a target with a carbon-graphite stick while wearing hideous clothing.

6. Cinemas, while somehow just as cold as hockey arenas, just can't achieve the same enthusiasm levels. (And no funky-chicken)

5. Better sound effects than even the coolest computers.

4. Boxing is arguably the same sport, but those wimps do it without skates.

3. Just not enough violence in football.

2. Stamp-collecting is for referees.

1. When's the last time you went to the ballet and a really good fight broke out?