CONGRATULATIONS

This owner’s guide is full authorized by Theresa Green, the inventor of the Owner’s Guides! Enjoy!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are now the proud owner of a NEO! With the proper care, he should serve you, your family and your last refuge of mankind for many years.

INSTALLATION

Your NEO should be delivered in a pod filled with a pink slimy substance. Break skin of pod and begin to remove the nodes attached to your NEO, including the one behind his head. It is best to do this before activating your NEO, as afterwards they can become confused, disorientated and tetchy.

Once all nodes have been removed, carry your NEO to the shower and quickly rinse off all of the pink slime. Your NEO may look less attractive than it did on the box, but the hair will return. Dress your NEO in his clothes (see ACCESSORIES) – or you may prefer not to, of course.

Your NEO should be the updated model of the THOMAS ANDERSON model available several years ago. If not, place with MORPHEUS model and he will be upgraded.

Your NEO comes in three different levels: Level 1 NEO (1999), Level 2 NEO (Reloaded) and Level 3 NEO (Revolutions). Each one is slightly different. Should you have purchased a lower level NEO you can download software to update it to the next level. IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO DOWNGRADE YOUR NEO TO A LOWER LEVEL. (see REPROGRAMMING)

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

Name: Neo (aka Missterrr Aanderrsooon, Thomas A Anderson, the One,

Coppertop, Own Personal Jesus Christ)

Type: Unknown (anomaly)

Manufacturers: Michelle McGahey and John Anderson, Lower Downtown, Capitol City

Height: 5’ 10”

Weight: 125 lb (but not needed, your NEO is not bound by laws of gravity)

OPERATING PROCEDURE

Feeding instructions to your NEO is a challenging but entertaining process.

With a Level 1 NEO, always state your instructions cryptically; if he is told them plainly, he will disobey them on instinct. If ordered cryptically then it may take him a few hours to interpret what you meant, but they will be carried out efficiently.

With a Level 2 NEO, the best environment for delivering instructions is in your local park/ basketball court. For most efficient response, purchase an ORACLE unit.

Sadly a Level 3 NEO, while more superior in several ways, is slightly less subservient than the previous two levels, and may disobey you deliberately. This is why decision to upgrade is a serious choice, with all functions considered. If you need him to carry out a duty, input your order to a TRINITY unit and program her to go and pass on the instructions to him. Your NEO is more likely to obey.

Your NEO, other than obvious functions for your own enjoyment, is capable of many other duties.

HACKING

NEO is capable of hacking into most high-level security companies. This could be useful for revenge on companies that have fired you, or possibly a way of making extra money.

If however he fails and you still wish for revenge, inform him that they have stolen your friend’s MORPHEUS model, and he will wreck the building from inside out until he recovers it.

***WARNING*** If he does not find a MORPHEUS model then he will most likely be forlorn and depressed for elongated lengths of time, so if a MORPHEUS model can be planted in the building beforehand, it will make your NEO happier. If not possible, then purchase a TRINITY model and leave them alone together. He will be cheerful in no time (see COMPATABILITY WITH OTHER MODELS).

FLYING

Level 2 and 3 NEOs are equipped with a flying capability, and are perfectly capable of carrying one or two people with them. Perfect activity for a Saturday afternoon.

***WARNING*** Level 1 NEOs are NOT capable of flying. Pushing your NEO off the top of a building will result in him plummeting to the ground and possible damage.

CHILDCARE

Your NEO is naturally compassionate towards most humans (see COMPATABILITY WITH OTHER MODELS) but for the most devote caring of your children, dress them in long coats and give them lots of keys. He will save them from whatever danger may befall them. However, DO NOT expect him to care for them just after their baths and they are wrapped in a white towel. He will bend any spoons near them and then leave.

SECURITY SYSTEM

Your NEO is trained in all forms of combat, from pole-fighting to drunken boxing. Leave stationed outside your door and he will sense trouble from a mile off. Also entertaining to leave with a SMITH model (see COMPATABILITY WITH OTHER MODELS) and take bets on the outcome of the fight.

***WARNING*** Make your that your friend’s SMITH isn’t installed with ‘Revolutions’ software. Your NEO could be seriously damaged.

TELEKINESIS

Level 2 and 3 NEOs are able to move and stop things with their mind. Suggested uses are summoning the TV remote when you can’t be bothered to get them yourself or halting traffic when you wish to cross the road.

***WARNING*** Do not provide your Level 2 NEO with too great a load to stop. This could cause a malfunction and crashing of software (see FAQs).

FIRST AID

Level 2 and 3 NEOs come equipped with the software to perform major operations such as bullet retrieval and CPR. Level 1 NEOs, while without this feature, still have a great amount of medical knowledge stored in their minds. Of course, because of their efficiency as a security system, there will rarely be any injuries with a NEO around anyway.

MESSIAH

Want to save the world? Your NEO comes equipped with several programs to help you do this, including ‘Self-sacrifice’ and ‘Problem-solving’.

BOYFRIEND

Many women who purchase a NEO have one function specifically in mind. For best enjoyment of this function, it is recommended to purchase a Level 2 NEO. Dressing in a) black PVC or b) floaty translucent garments will make any attempts on this function more successful.

NOTE: Make sure that there are no TRINITY units nearby. Your NEO will be distracted.

MATRIX SOFTWARE DOES NOT ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY DAMAGE TO RELATIONSHIPS/ MARRIAGES/ BOYFRIENDS CAUSED BY, OR DURING OWNERSHIP OF, NEO MODELS

COMPATABILITY WITH OTHER MODELS

Your NEO unit interacts best with a TRINITY unit. It is recommended that they be kept on the same level; if a Level 1 NEO unit is left with a Level 2 TRINITY unit, it is possible that your NEO will become surprised and frightened. More information about the different levels of interaction are available in the TRINITY owner’s guide.

ACCESSORIES

All NEOs come free with 1) Sunglasses, 2) Mobile phone and 3) Spoon. (For best fighting performance, do not remove item 1, for he will become distracted and seemingly more vulnerable.)

Level 1 NEO also comes with 1) a copy of ‘Simulacra and Simulation’, 2) a black jacket, shirt and trousers and 3) an unlimited supply of guns from your local ‘Construct’ store. (Check Yellow Pages for your closest one)

Level 2 NEO also comes with 1) Pole, 2) Key, 3) Piece of ‘Mama Oracle’s Confusing Candy’ and 3) Long black coat. (Do not remove item 2 if hoping for him to fulfil the MESSIAH function)

Level 3 NEO also comes with 1) Long black coat (identical to coat free with Level 2) and 2) Eye bandage.

RECHARGING

While your NEO will function perfectly well with a synthetic protein combined with vitamins and minerals, everything your NEO needs. However, if your NEO seems forlorn/ worried/ confused, simply feed with ‘Mama Oracle’s Feel-good Cookies’. As a Level 1 NEO is most likely to enter this state, these are included in the packaging. If neither cookies nor proteins are available, noodles will suffice. (If your NEO remarks that they’re not real, this is perfectly normal.)

REPROGRAMMING

Should you wish to convert your Level 3 NEO back to a Level 1 NEO, install new MATRIX software. This will revert him back to the Level 1 NEO, but sadly will erase any saved files you have. Your NEO will have no recollection of previous events, and if reminded of them may become short-tempered and swear at you.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: When I go outside I find piles of food and blankets and other gifts on my doorstep. Does this have anything to do with my NEO?

A: Yes! Your neighbours wish to take advantage of your NEOs MESSIAH program. Simply enjoy the benefits and occasionally lend him out to sort out the problems. Also you could drop hints about how gold is more appreciated than blankets.

Q: Recently in a fight with my friend’s AGENT SMITH unit, my NEO’s eyes were severely injured. Do I have to get a new one?

A: If your NEO is Level 1 or 2, you can download the software to upgrade it to Level 3 – in that case, your NEO should manage fine without eyes, as he will sense everything going on around him. If not, then replacement may be the only option. Return to the warehouse in its original packaging and you should get a new one. And in future, do not allow your NEO to fight with an AGENT SMITH unit a) without his sunglasses or b) against a SMITH of a higher level.

Q: I am unsure what level my NEO is. Is there a way I can test to see?

A: Take your NEO unit down to the local subway station. If he begins to beat up every homeless person he sees, you have a Level 1 NEO. If he jumps onto the tracks and runs up and down, in one side and out the other a split second later, then you have a Level 3 NEO. If neither of those, he is likely to be a Level 2 NEO.

Q: Can I have more than one NEO?

A: It is not recommended; it could be very confusing, as both NEOs will insist that they are the One. For MORPHEUS units, this could cause them to have a malfunction, as they are so firm in their beliefs that your NEO is the One.

TROUBLESHOOTING

Problem: Your NEO keeps waking up in the night with a worried expression on his face, and sometimes the expression returns when in the middle of BOYFRIEND duties, which is off-putting.

Solution: Arrange your NEO to spend some time with an ORACLE unit. She will allay his fears.

Problem: Your NEO keeps chasing after buses/ playing air guitar.

Solution: You have accidentally been issued with a JACK TRAVEN (Speed Enterprises/ TED LOGAN (Bill & Ted & co). Before returning, consider certain benefits; these two units have the extra feature of emotions.

Problem: Your NEO continually returns home late from nights out with the guys.

Solution: Phone him and inform him that there are sentinels coming. He will rush home as fast as he can.

Problem: Your NEO makes a sound like a tuba choking to death on a pea.

Solution: Check that your TRINITY unit is still functioning.

Problem: When you go to the park your NEO rips up signposts and starts attacking people with them.

Solution: Your NEO is going through a ‘Smith Battle in the Park’ program. Arrange for several AGENT SMITH models to come and let him vent his aggression.

Problem: Your NEO suddenly flies away without saying where he’s going.

Solution: Phone up any of your friends who have an ORACLE or a TRINITY unit. Chances are he will turn up there before long.

Problem: While walking down the street, your NEO stops and looks thoughtful, and when asked what he’s doing he says that something’s different and that he can feel them.

Solution: This problem is rare with Level 1 NEOs. Sadly the only thing to do is drag him away, because he won’t respond to anything you say - not even your TRINITY unit.

Problem: Your NEO doesn’t listen to you.

Solution: This problem is most frequent with Level 3 NEOs. They act as if they are some sort of Messiah. And the sad thing is, that’s true. Deactivating any nearby TRINITY units should humble him, but aside from that if it becomes too much to bear you may need to take his sunglasses.

Problem: Your NEO’s hand is covered with a silvery gooey substance that is rapidly spreading up his arm.

Solution: He’s poked your mirror again. Use Windex to scrub it off and hide all mirrors from him.

Problem: Shady-looking people show up at your door and ask for a disk.

Solution: Again, these are neighbours taking advantage of your NEO. At $2000 a disk, this is a worthwhile investment.

Problem: Your NEO looks depressed and claims that he is not the One.

Solution: He has been talking to an ORACLE or an ARCHITECT unit. Instruct him to go and beat up some AGENT SMITH units – this will boost his self-esteem in no time.

WARRANTY

Because of NEOs hard-wearing ability, able to be punched repeatedly in the stomach, thrown into various things and kicked several times in the head but continue to run perfectly, it should last you for many years. However, for maximum use, do not keep around a TRINITY unit, because usually your NEO will be very protective of it to the extent of possible damage.

If you have any queries about your NEO, e-mail Matrix Enterprises at [email protected].