This message was posted on the now-defunct David Bowie Message Board in 1997. I am making it available here for historical interest. If you own the copyright on this article and have a problem with my distributing it like this, let me know and I will remove it at my earliest opportunity.
BTW, I'm planning to make a Jet Set Willy game called Afrikaan!
Secret Excerpt from the Novel Dune, By Frank Herbert: Muad'Dib lies prone on the floor, his mind reeling in a sea of strange infinity from drinking the water of life, the truthsayer drug, which brings all sight to the one who drinks and lives. He travels to places strange and distant: he travels to the year 2011, to a small interview hall in London, England, where inside are many people. At the podium, one man rises and begins to speak, his old, grizzled voice spouting out the words on the dry sheets of paper in front of him. "Hi, this is Larry King, and I'm here interviewing those Involved with the Man Himself, David Bowie, who has reportedly now changed his name to Pete Falfaloo, and who could not be here today due to another late cloning session. On my panel to my right, um, er, left, that is, are the most significant influences on David's, er, Pete's life: Brian Eno, famed keyboardist and President of Free Tibet, Ziggy Stardust, who has come out of hiding for this specific interview, Reeves Gabrels, who worked with him on something or other..." "Ah, Ahem, Earthling," Reeves coughes out not so subtly. "Yes, and on my far right, er left, whatever, is...is...Hmmm." says Larry confused... "I am with name," says the grizzled old voice, "I am Ramona A. Stone." "Yes, ah...and after Ms. Stone is the Current President of the United States, Mr. Leon Blank. "Eh...yeah" says Leon uneasily. "Hey...Ziggy...Mind if I trade seats with you...?" "Sure," says Mr. Stardust. As President Blank and Ziggy cross paths, President Blank wispers in Ziggy's ear: "Ramona is so cold." Ziggy swallows. "Anyway," says Larry King, "Get your seats...you're more difficult than my 35th and 62nd wives combined!" "Also," says Larry, "unfortunately, we were not able to come in contact with another major influence on Bowie's, er...Pete's career, that major influence being Major Tom. His last reported whereabouts were, 'far above the moon.'" Suddenly, a puff of smoke appears on the stage and a crazed looking man in a space suit appears, and runs up to the podium. Ramona gets a rather intrigued look in her eye. "Spiders...huge spiders...coming for me...planet Mars..." says Major Tom. "Life on Mars?" says Larry. Major Tom runs offstage screaming. Nothing at all interesting happens in the next ten seconds. Suddenly, Ziggy speaks up with a nervous cough: "So where were the spiders?" he asks. "Let's continue," says Larry. "Now, Mr. Eno, you've worked with Mr. Bowie, er, Pete, for many years on many albums." "Yes," says Eno, "I worked with him first on Low, 'Heroes,' and Lodger, and then some more with Outside, Contamination, and Afrikaan, the 'Outside' trilogy [That one's for you, Ali--Ed.]. Now, of all of the songs we've done together, it turns out if you pair two of them up, they go together." "You're referring to Heroes and Strangers When We Meet, of course," said Larry. "Of course," said Eno, "It seems that if you play Heroes and Strangers When We Meet together, you get a strange sort of--well, it's like the two are almost the same universal feeling, the Yin and Yang, Positive and Negative, rise and downfall. Heroes is about how we're not perfect, in fact everyone's against us, but if we perservere, we can beat them for ever and be heroes just for one day. Strangers When We Meet is about how we've made mistakes and it's time to call a secession...of sorts. Simply agree to seperate, and may as well not have existed. It's not that the two songs sound alike...they are related, in a positive-negative manner." "Yes," says Larry, "And Bowie released the two as a single last June, I believe...." "Yes. On the 31." said Eno. "And Next we have Mr. Leon Blank, the President of the United States." Several secret service men jump slightly at the mention of President Blank's name, and Ramona gets an evil look on her face--or is that the way it is normally? "Uh, yes, we worked with him and Mr. Eno on the Outside Trilogy, the first one in which I get blamed for the murder of Baby Grace Blue..." "I believe she's in the audience tonight," says Larry. A small girl stands up, about 14 years of age, and waves, shouting, "Hi, Leon! HI!" "Yes," said President Blank, "and in Contamination, where it becomes apparent that I must meet with Detective-Professor Adler on a large pirate ship, sailing to Africa. And the third one, Afrikaan, where we meet up with Ramona A. Stone, who's become the Bee Goddess of the Jungles of Africa, With millions of slave-worshippers at her feet." "Yes, we're all familiar with the albums, we've all seen the movies, operas, and children's books." Says Larry. "Next to President Blank is Mr. Ziggy Stardust, who worked very breifly but prominently in the early days of Bowie's career, back in '77, wasn't it?" "'72!" says Ziggy, "Keep your facts straight." He looks over and sees that the cameras are drifting slowly towards Ramona, who is beginning to cast an enchantment to call up the spirit of Jareth, the Goblin King. "Keep your 'lectric Eye on me, babe!" Says Ziggy in a very poor reference. "Anyway, me, Bowie, Mick Ronson, and them other guys and me, we started the Spiders from Mars. I thought we'd have a great album, I's callin' it, 'The Rise and Fall of David Bowie and the Spiders From Mars,' but Bowie comes up and says, 'No, the album's a concept album about YOU, you can't go recordin' it! He lets me tour with him, even lets me pose on the cover of Pinups, but we pretty much fizzled out by '82...said there wasn't much room for me in Let's Dance...Ok, so I phone him up, it's like '89 or so, and I say, I hear you're startin' up this Tin Machine thingee, and I hear you need some guys...He goes and says he already found this bozo to work with him (His thumb points at Reeves Gabrels)...no, don't have no time for ol' Ziggy, do we?" "Yes, er, thank you, Mr. Stardust, for that...lament." says Larry....but before Muad'Dib hears anything else, he slowly begins to drift away...to other places. other times...but before he goes he notices Ramona and Ziggy...arm in arm...walking offstage... "Let me show you my work..." says Ramona "Whatever you say, my love, darling...!" says Ziggy