Helpfull Rally Hints
& Tips
If you have any helpfull
tips to share with other members to make rallies smoother please email us with
your info and we'll be glad to post them.
- Write your name
on the back of your Pony Club pin. When you have to take it off for jumping you
won't get them mixed up.
- Freeze juice
boxes the night before the rally. They will stay cold and refreshing most of
the day
AMWELL ART
Horse List of New
Year's Resolutions
1. I CAN walk and poop
at the same time. I can, I can, I can.
2. I will NOT stop and poop or urinate every time I pass the same spot in the
arena. 3. I will NOT leave when my rider falls off.
4. My stall is NOT my litter box. When I have free access to my paddock, I will
NOT go back inside to pee.
5. I will NOT roll in streams or try to roll when my human is on my back.
6. I will NOT leap over large nonexistent obstacles when the whim strikes.
7. I will NOT walk faster on the way home than I did on the way out.
8. I promise NOT to swish my tail while my human is cleaning my back feet.
9. I promise also NOT to choose that particular time to answer nature's call.
10. I will NOT bite my farrier's butt just because it is there.
11. I will NOT confuse my human's blond hair for really soft hay.
12. I will NOT wipe
green slime down the back of my human's white shirt.
13. I will NOT blow my nose on my human.
14. I will NOT try to mooch goodies off every human within 1 mile radius.
15. I will NOT lay totally flat out in my stall with my eyes glazed over and my
legs straight out and pretend I can't hear my human frantically screaming,
"Are you asleep?!"
16. I will NOT chase the ponies into the electric fence to see if it is on.
17. I will promise NEVER to dump the wheelbarrow of manure over while my human
is mucking my stall.
18. I will NOT grab my lead rope in my mouth and attempt to lead myself.
19. I will NOT have an attitude problem. I won't, I won't, I won't!
20. I will NOT pull my new shoes off the very next day just to prove that I
can.
21. I am neither a beaver nor a carpenter. I promise I won't eat or remodel the
barn or the new fences.
22. I am NOT a Shin'a'in Battlesteed. I will not act like one.
23. I WILL forgive my human for the very bad haircut, even though I look like a
freak.
24. I accept that not every carrot is for me.
25. I will NOT do the Arab Teleport Trick when a bad/naughty/awful Horsasaurus
Monster breathes at me.
26. I will NOT jump in the air, turn 180 degrees every time I see a deer.
27. I will understand that deer are NOT carnivorous.
28. I will NOT shy at familiar objects just for fun.
29. I will NOT bite the butt of the horse in front of me during the trail ride
just to say "Hi."
30. I WILL put my ears forward and cooperate when it comes to photos.
You
Know You're A Horseperson When ...
All your cloths have hay on them.
When you fall off your horse and are in a lot of pain and all you're worried
about is if the horse is all right.
When you go shopping for clothes and leave the mall exhausted and with a
headache. But can with stand a two hour lesson with your horse and hardly be
tired.
The beautiful perfume at the store gives you a headache and you keep wishing
they would make a stable sent because that's what you'd rather smell.
You only listen to the news to hear the weather to see what the riding weather
will be like.
You can remember all the horse related events but not to pick up your little
brother or sister.
You'll drive through a blizzard to get to the barn but the weathers too bad to
drive the two minutes to your friends house.
You can notice something is missing from your tack box in less then a second
but keep wondering what your forgetting when leaving the house.
You say whoa to the dog.
You can remember any horses birthday but not your mother's.
You'll gladly do barn chores but moan and groan when asked to do house chores.
You'd rather watch a horse roll buck and run then watch TV.
You're up at the 7:00 am alarm and out of bed on the weekends but on the week
days you hardly hear it.
You walk by someone at school or at work and instead of saying "excuse
me" you poke them in the ribs and say "over".
Your horses hair in in better condition then your own.
Your good clothes are the ones with less horse hair on them.
Your tack box isnt in your car, it is.
You buy your horse a present on his birthday.
You buy you horse a present on your birthday.
A friend tells you about a great sale at the bridle shop, and you're excited
until you relize she means the bridal shop.
You praise your husband by saying "good boy" and pat his nose.
You dont want to go on vacation because you'll miss your horses.
You horses baby book is thicker then your wedding album.
You ask your pregnant friend when she is foaling.
Your husband can track through the kitchen unnoticed, but God help him if he
muddies up the tack room.
You know half the owners in the barn, but you know ALL the horses.
Your daughter asks if she can wash her saddle pad with her clothes, because she
doesn't have a full load and doesn't want her brother's clothes contaminating
hers.
You keep a spare curb chain in your purse for emergencies.
The family photos are in the bedroom; the horse photos in the den.
The board check is paid before any other bill.
Your instructor and vet are the only non-family on your speed-dial.
You always have new foal pictures in your wallet.
The photo Christmas cards feature the horses.
You have memorized the addresses of your breed association and AHSA.
You pull a $17,000 horse trailer with a $1,700 pickup truck.
You plan your pregnancy around the show season so you can send your horse to
your dressage instructor for training during the eighth and ninth months.
You put a gun rack in your pickup truck to carry dressage whips and riding
crops.
Everytime you drive past a road construction sight you think what nice jumps
the barricades would make.
You know when you're a horse person when your boyfriend complains that you love
your horse more then you love him and you answer: "And your point
is?"
You also know your a horse person when your trying to get by a co-worker in a
restricted space and instead of saying "excuse me" to him/her, you
cluck at them instead.
You know you're a horse person when: Your secretary does a "hay
check" on your suit each morning and your first stop in the office is the
ladies room to remove the shavings from your shoes.
Your non-horsey friend gives you a funny look after glancing into the back seat
of your car, and you realize he's noticed your whips and spurs. *smirk*
You groom your horse and you haven't been to a beautician in ?
You pull change from
your pocket at work, and hay falls all over.
Someone says,
"Does anyone have a screwdriver?" and you hand them a hoofpick.
You clean your tack after *every* ride but never ever ever wash the car.
You yell at the kids, and the horse's name pops out.
On rainy days, you organize the tack room, not the house.
Your horse's mane and tail get better care than yours, and it shows.
Your horse gets more compliments for grooming than you do.
You kiss your horse more often than your husband or boyfriend, and enjoy it
more.
You've considered moving into the barn, since it is cleaner than the house.
Your horse seems the right choice when you need to talk something out with
someone.
You remember worming and vaccination schedules, but not your mother-in-law's
birthday.
You find yourself analyzing leg and foot conformation on your friends, and
thinking how corrective shoeing could improve their way of going.
You run your tongue over your back molars and idly wonder if they need to be
floated.
You talk to the horses like they were kids.
All your stock has 4 legs.
You chirp to, cluck to or spur your truck/car.
You say whoa to your truck/car.
When you known more about equine nutrition than human nutrition and it shows.
All of your clothes have horsehair on them, even if they've never been worn to
the barn.
You trade your nice, nearly-new Suburban for a 1-ton 4x4 pickup, so you can
haul hay & straw for the critters. (And have that 454 engine for pulling
the trailer up those looooong hills.)
You know you're a horse person when a new friend walks in your door for the
first time. Takes a smell and says with a smile, "I didn't know you had
horses."
When your bicycle is mostly used as a bridle and saddle rack.
You spend more on that 6 year old jumper than you've EVER spent on a car!
You go on a diet, not to be more attractive, but to be a better rider.<
Co-workers start pointing out green slobber or straw on your clothes.
Your solution is to start wearing exclusively "hunter green".
When your horse has its mane pulled more often than you get a hair cut.
Your house is "decorated" with bits, saddles, bridles, halters,
blanket racks, trunks, trophies and ribbons.
There are bits soaking in your bathroom sink.
You show up at work with bran mash (unbeknownst to you) all over the back of
your coat.
Your car is the only one in the company parking lot that has an inch of dust
INSIDE and when you open the door, a swarm of flies emerge.
Your horse gets vitamins and supplements everyday and you can't remember to
take vitamins yourself.
You can't make it to work because of bad weather, but somehow still make it to
the barn.
How many
horses does it take to change a Light Bulb?
Warmblood: Light bulb? What light
bulb?
Any foal: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid light bulb?
Shetland pony: I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Thoroughbred: Just one. And I'll rewire the barn while I'm at it.
Saddlebred: Sorry. Just had my hooves and mane done.
Morgan: Oh, me me me!!! Pleeeeeze let me change the light bulb!
Can I? CanI?
Quarter Horse: Let him do it. You can pet me while he's busy.
Trakehener: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Akhal-teke: Zero! AT's aren't
afraid of the dark!
Holsteiner: How DARE that light bulb burn out! How DARE you ask
me to change it! OH! (flouncing off)
Appaloosa: No, don't change it. If it's dark, maybe no one will
see me raiding the feed room.
Arab: That's what we pay the help for. I'll just chew on his
shirttail while he's at it.
Connemara: We'll just be after
havin' a nip of the Bushmill's, we will, and then we'll not be noticin' th'
light.
Andalusion: Let the maid do it. I need to go roll in the mud.
Clydesdale: Och, an' ye'll just be usin' up the 'lectricity, ye
will. Better tae use a wee but o' candle. Better yet t' not waste either and
just gae t' sleep when the sun gaes doon. Electricity is verra dear.
NSH:(fidgeting) Lights? Lights?
Where? Do you want me to pose" This is my good side
No, wait, let
me get my mane straight
No, wait, this angle is all wrong. No, wait,
maybe this is my good side. So ... do you want dramatic
or bold
or maybe sensitive?
The Amazing New
Dressage Test For Horses Unsuitable to Become Anything
A Enter at ordinary serpentine.
X Sprawl. Salute.
C Stop dead. Stare in horror at judge and shy to left. Continue at
ordinary working gallop.
E Stagger left 20 or 15 or 22 metres in diameter circle or pear shape or
five pointed star. Avoid excessive crossing of legs.
K Begin to halt.
Z Keep trying.
F You can do it.
B Pulley rein. Give up. Continue at out of hand gallop.
H Regain right stirrup. Continue at ordinary trot, bouncing.
MKT Change rein. Free walk loose rein. Remove horse from Judge's
luncheon table. Ask judge for leg up. Jump back into ring.
Z Turn down centre line. Halt. Grin. Scratch. Burst into tears. Leave
arena on long reins, loose language.
The
Top Ten Reasons To Ride Dressage
10. Found ice-fishing too
stimulating.
9. I enjoy wearing full formal wear rain or shine.
8. Who wouldn't love spending afternoons riding in circles getting yelled
at.
7. Just love subjecting friends and family to my latest equine video
spectatular.
6. My chiropractor needs a new car.
5. Wanted to find a place my husband wouldn't go - aka. the barn.
4. Had been tired of spending cold winters by the fire, and hot summers by the
pool.
3. My lawyer wanted me to have 3 judges.
2. Lived for the sport where I could say "Piaffe" to the judges.
1. I had way too much money in my bank account.
Murphy's Horse Laws
There is no such thing as a sterile barn cat.
No
one ever notices how you ride until you fall off.
The least useful horse in you barn will eat the most, require shoes every four
weeks and need the vet at least once a month.
A
horse's misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who
are watching.
Your favorite tack always gets chewed on, and your new blanket gets torn.
Tack you hate will never wear out and blankets you hate cannot be
destroyed.
Horses you hate cannot be sold and will out live you.
Clipper blades will become dull when your horse is half
clipped.
If you approach within fifty feet of your barn in clean clothes, you will get
dirty.
The number of horses you own will increase to the number of stalls in your
barn.
Your barn will fall down without baling twine.
Hoof picks always run a way from home.
If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most recent injury
.
If you are winning, quit ...there is only one way to go. Down!
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