Artist: Steveless/Syd Howells
Title: Yo Ho Ho… A Selection of Xmas Treats
By Conor Duffy

This can only end in tears and perforated eardrums. While that may be true for any Christmas record, it's especially so with this four track EP from the team of Steveless and Syd Howells. Thankfully, the recording is limited to only 50 copies, but that's still 50 people with this bad trip on plastic, and if they're anything like me, they'll play it to their friends.

Actually, I may be going overboard. There is melody here, somewhere, under the jangle of Christmas bells and scratchy guitar. ‘Seasonal Schizophrenia' lays the groundwork quite adequately, with Steveless frontman Dan Newman intoning “It is Christmas” over and over, before debating as to whether this is a Christmas song or not.

Regardless of the answer, there's no doubting that the next two tracks, ‘Christ Made A Trance' and ‘Christ Was Born In Bethlehem', are traditional Christmas hymns. At least, they were. They got into the hands of this crew, were probably introduced to something bad and most likely illegal, and now are experiencing horrible hallucinations and terrifying flashbacks. Maybe these hymns were dark all along; it just took this record to prove it.

Strangely, despite the rather excessive use of cymbals and anything else that makes a harsh metallic sound, the wonderfully titled ‘So This Is What Dying Is Like (Xmas In Swansea)' is really very catchy. It's a shame no one on Top Of The Pops will be shouting, “Christmas, Christmas!” when they announce this year's number one.

To give you some indication of where my mind was at the last time I listened to this record, I thought the best description of it was “10 minutes of fuck.” If that sounds like your cup of tea, hunt down this dose of fun-filled festive aggression today.

Visit www.steveless.co.uk and www.myspace.com/sydhowells

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