Dusk was falling over the pretty scenery of New England. As the train passed through many small coastal towns Margaret became more and more nervous about landing on Hawkeye's doorstep. What if he doesn't want to see me? And that ever wondering thought - "What if he is married?!". Every time she thought about that her heart slipped further down into her stomach. The PA announced that they would arrive in Portland at 7pm, which was in half an hour. She had been on the train since 10:30 the night before. She started to plan what she would do when she got off the train. She was so lost she didn't know where to start and put the thoughts out of her mind for half an hour. The train started to slow up. Tall beautiful trees lined the railroad on either side. It was every child's climbing paradise. As the train pulled into the station with a jerk, Margaret gathered her things and stepped down the stairs and onto the platform. She was wearing a light grey suit, which was fitted and showed off her curves. The station was beautiful and old looking with grand arched with green trims stretching their arms across the rail tracks. For a moment she could see a slightly younger Hawkeye standing on the platform with an older man. He would've been wearing his class A uniform, bidding farewell before the slave train took him on a road to Korea. She loved him in his Class A, he looked so handsome and manly. A young boy interrupted her thoughts and offered to carry her bags out to the taxi stands. As they walked along the young boy started talking to Margaret, making her feel quite at ease with her new surroundings and kept her mind off her plans.

"Its been real cold up here this winter, we've had a fair bit of snow. Where are you from ma'am?", the young boy asked as he struggled to keep her suitcase of the gound.

"Atlanta, Georgia", Margaret replied with sudden realization of her long journey

"You sure have traveled along way to come up here when it's so cold out. Are you visiting friends or relatives? Will you be staying in Portland?" He was so inquisitive but really quite sweet.

"Well I guess I'm heading to crabapple cove, I have a friend who lives there, but he's not expecting me, it's a surprise."Margaret's voice drifted off into the air as she started to worry again.

"Oh yeah, my grandma lives there. Its 20 minutes from here and there is a real nice motel you can stay in. You can't miss it's the only one. A lady called Betsy will help you out. You should be there by 7:30 and she'll take good care of ya", the boy said in all confidence.

"Well that's sounds nice, I think I just might do that" she supposed, it was better than any other alternative, well any that she had thought of.

"Here you go, have a nice trip, this guy will take you up there," he smiled at her and tipped his cap.

"Thankyou very much for your help, here take this," Margaret said as she pulled out her purse and gave him some change.

The driver placed her bags in the boot and Margaret got in.

"Where are you going love?" The older gentlemen asked.

"Crabapple cove" Margaret replied absently and stared out the window. The taxi pulled out of Portland station and headed north for the cove.

Daniel arrived home that evening with one of Hawkeye's closest high school friends. Her name was Sandra, or Sandy as Hawkeye called her. They had never dated in school, but had always been close. Many of Hawkeye's other friends had settled down with families and had little time for Hawkeye, especially since he was not the same Hawkeye they knew. Sandy had stuck by Hawk though. She knew something terrible had happened, and that the real Hawkeye, the one she knew in 1950 was in him somewhere, he just hadn't surfaced in a while. Daniel opened the door and let Sandy in front of him like the perfect gentlemen.

"Hawk!" he hollered, "I'm home and Sandy is here to visit, she's gonna stay for dinner."

There was no reply and no movement. Daniel exchanged a concerned look with Sandy and they both moved further into the house.

"Hawkeye!" Daniel continued to holler. "Benjamin where are you? Its not polite to hide from your guests, especially lady friends!" He joked trying to lighten the situation.

"He must be out, he's not upstairs either" Sandy said as she walked down the creaky wooden stairs.

This was not an unusual occurrence. Hawkeye was often down on the beach, spending time alone, thinking things through.

"Here sit down", Daniel said, pulling out a chair for Sandy and then started to prepare some dinner. "You've known Hawk for a long time Sandy, and I know how hard it must be for you to stick by him in a time like this, but although he may not show you any gratitude his does appreciate it. I know he does. He had friends in Korea you know, but he doesn't keep in close touch with them. I think it brings back memories, bad ones. I here him at night, tossing and turning, grinding his teeth, getting up and down. The other night I checked on him, can you believe it, I don't think I have checked on him since his mother died when he would cry himself to sleep. He woke up screaming the other night and I went in, He was sweating profusely, his pulse was rapid and his breathing was labored. I had to hold him for a few moments until he settled. I mean, I had to nurse him Sandy!!", his eyes were showing the pain now. "Last time I held him like that was when he was 10 and his mother died."

Sandy sat at the table, thinking it through. She didn't know what was wrong, she just tried to remain friends with him through this rough stage. He wasn't as easy to get along with as he used to be

Daniel continued "You know, I cant remember the last time he laughed contagiously like he used to. He smiled when I brought him home, but I don't think he has smiled since. Toby and Dexter seem to be so busy with their own kids and families at the moment that they just don't have the time for Ben.. And because he isn't the way he used to be, they don't have the time or patience for him either. He needs all the support he can get at the moment and I know you are really trying and so am I, I just wish the boys would help out a little too. Hawk used to be their best friend."

Daniel stopped with his spilling of emotions as he saw Hawkeye walk up the backyard. He had obviously been down at the beach all day. He ran up the back steps, skipping a few with his long legs and walked in the door.

"Oh well look what the cat dragged in" Daniel said, once again trying to ease the tension.

"Dad, we don't have a cat", Hawkeye said seriously. "Hi Sandy, how are you' Hawkeye said as he leaned forward and pecked her on the cheek.

"I'm well, I thought you'd be up for some poker or something later" Sandy said trying to dismiss his sulky mood. How are you wasn't Hawkeye's usual greeting. He used to make a pass at her or make a wisecrack - make her laugh.

"Well I guess there's nothing else to do is there. Yep, I'll play a little poker."

"Great! A little poker always relaxes me, especially after a long day" Sandy replied with complete innocence.

Little did she know that the comment shot an arrow through his heart. It reminded him of Korea, it reminded him of Margaret.

With that comment, Hawkeye let out a deep breathe and walked out of the kitchen.

"I think I'll take a shower", he said abruptly. His cool ending to the short conversation left Daniel and Sandy exchanging looks again. Daniel continued to prepare the dinner as Sandy read through a magazine in silence. Daniel felt a little embarrassed by his son's behavior, but Sandy just let it slide.

Upstairs Hawkeye undressed out of his layered clothing. It was cold down on the beach but he didn't mind. It was the only place he felt he could escape from the real world, the world he just couldn't face alone. He would build a fire when he went down there and camped out all day. He let the hot water run down his skin and through his thick black hair. He thought of Margaret again. Her face, that body, those lips. She was driving him insane. But he wouldn't ring her. He didn't want to be rejected by her. She had once told him what her custom fit was, and he didn't meet the description. He was not what she was looking for. Some of the locals had tried to set him up with some of the local girls who were single. As far as they were concerned he was a good catch. He was a doctor, he had good prospects, he had money and he was good looking. They wanted to settle down and have kids with him but he wanted more. He wanted to love a woman with all his heart, care for her, protect her, provide for her. These women were after his lifestyle and the money that he could potentially earn so they could attend the country club and drive the latest car. He would be a mere accessory to help fulfill there childhood dreams.

He turned the shower off and stepped out. He wiped the condensation off the mirror and looked at his naked reflection. He needed a shave badly. He was starting to look scruffy.

"What has happened to you Ben?" He said talking to himself. It tried to smile and be his normal self but it seemed impossible. He was scared of himself and he needed help, he couldn't get better on his own.

________________________________________________________________

The taxi pulled up outside the motel called "The Cove Lodge". Margaret got out of the cab with her bags and made her way inside to the front desk. A fairly well rounded lady came to the desk to help her.

"Hello dear, can I help you?" She asked gently to Margaret. "Are you alright, you look a little lost and confused?" Her voice was full of concern.

"Yes, I would like a room for." Margaret thought for a moment. She had know idea how long she would be in Crabapple cove, "Well you had better make it 2 nights to begin with, but I may need to extend that, I'm just not sure right now."

"That's ok dear, I'll take you to your room", with no further questions asked she picked up Margarets suitcase and led her down a hall. "My name is Betsy by the way, I'm the owner of the motel." She said proudly with a smile spreading across her face. She stopped at a door and got the keys out.

"How do you do, I'm Margaret" She said politely.

"Well Margaret, what brings you here, if you don't mind me asking" She said as she fussed over the blinds in the room. And then without waiting for a response, "I'm sure you will be comfortable here."

"Betsy" a man called from down the hall. "Oh dear, that's my husband, he would've just got back from fishing. Now dinner will be over at 8:30 so you might want to make your way down to the dining room and breakfast is served between 7 and 9am. Enjoy your stay dear" and with that she left the room.

Margaret was thankful she didn't have to admit why she was in the cove. She figured in a small town such as this, news would travel quickly and so would rumours. She wouldn't simply be able to say 'a friend' as she would then be required to state the person's name. She figured the Pierce family would be well known and news would travel fast. She was exhausted from her travels and lay back on the wooden bed. The room was decorated nicely, much nicer than her unit at the army base. She couldn't believe she was in Crabapple Cove. She had heard about it for 3 years endlessly from Hawkeye. Before she could think of the day ahead tomorrow, she closed her tired eyes and fell asleep.