January 10th 1954

The room was always so dark. The furnishing were dark and the room never received any light. Margaret lay there as she knew what day lay ahead of her. She rolled out of bed, wrapping her light blue silk dressing gown around her slim waist and went to the kitchen to start breakfast. It was so lonely at the army base. She was so confused as to why she thought this was the life for her. She knew the day ahead was going to be yet another boring and grueling day at the stateside hospital in Georgia that she had come to know. Worst of all were the people. The doctors were so stuffy, they never had fun, life was definitely not a subject taken lightly at the stateside hospital. She sat sipping her coffee. Her puffy eyes were showing just how tired she had become since the war. She couldn't sleep anymore. Not because of nightmares but because she spent the whole night tossing and turning about the decisions she had made through life. She knew this one was wrong. She wasn't meant to be at the army base, she could feel it in her bones. Even in Korea she knew she was doing the right thing because her heart told her so - but here her heart was breaking slowly and the passionate and energetic Margaret was fading ever so slowly into a shadow of her former life and self.

1954 hadn't exactly started with a bang, and it seemed the best new years eve she had was in Korea, with her friends. This new year had consisted of getting very drunk and fighting off generals trying to take her to bed. But it didn't work. Her vulnerable state of depression over took and she found herself on New Years morning in her bed with a General easily 15 years older than her lying next to her, smelling of beer and sweat.

"Whats happening to me?" she questioned as she got into the shower. She broke down to tears, something which was becoming a regular occurrence. She thought if BJ, and how he must be enjoying life with little Erin and his wife Peg. He would've spent his first Christmas with Erin that year. She smiled at the thought of his happiness. And Hawkeye, would be reunited with his father, he must be so happy to be back in the cove where he grew up and with the people he loved.

"Hawkeye" she said as she absently turned the shower off and stood staring into nothing. God she missed him so much her heart ached. She hadn't spoken to him since they said goodbye in Korea and even then they hadn't said much. That kiss. She felt so secure in his strong muscular arms. His all- enveloping embrace, which melted her heart. And of course the kiss itself; it was full of passion, she could feel it. Or was she kidding herself? She could never be sure if it was her own passion that she mistook for his. She got dressed and walked out of the small unit to the hospital.

All day she was distracted. The nurses were at her all the time, if they weren't asking for favours or a change in shifts they were teasing her behind her back. The doctors had little respect for the nursing staff and little respect for Margaret. One of the doctors roused on her that day for being inefficient in surgery and too slow. The cruel doctor walked away, leaving Margaret embarrassed and feeling sheepish. She walked into her office and cried. Not her usual crying but uncontrollable crying, she started to throw things off her desk. As head nurse she found the R & R papers and signed herself up for a month. She didn't know where to go, or who to go to, but she needed to go somewhere.

Margaret raced back to her unit that night and packed her suitcase and called a cab. She felt like she was losing it. She felt so lost and alone. She couldn't go to her father, as he would be so disappointed in his baby girl. Her mother was overseas on a holiday with friends in Europe and her sister was busy with her own life in Vermont. She knew that her sister Suzanne would welcome her but she didn't want to feel like she was in the way. Her cab arrived and drove her to the Atlanta's central station. She got out there. She still had no idea where to go.

"All passengers for Portland, Maine, this is your final call" the PA announced

Margaret stood at the ticket booths looking at her choices. It was 10:30 at night and the train to Portland was the last for the night. She quickly bought a ticket and ran down the station stairs. She got on and never looked behind.

The train pulled away from Atlanta and Margaret began to think of where to get off. She thought she could get off in Boston and visit Charles. But that idea was squashed when she realized where this train could take her. She thought about Hawkeye and Crabapple cove. Portland was where she would get off. Suddenly she felt at ease with herself and fell asleep.

Margaret woke as the train pulled into Boston, Massachusetts. A few more hours and she would be in Portland. She couldn't believe she was going to see Hawkeye. It had been about four months since she had arrived in the states from Korea. She figured Hawkeye had probably been back six months.

"He has probably got himself together these days. For all I know he could be married and settled down with a childhood sweetheart," her heart sank at the thought. The train pulled out of Boston after about 20 minutes and headed north for Portland.

Hawkeye was sitting at the round breakfast table opposite his father reading the local newspaper. He never spoke much. Not even to his father. He had called BJ a few times since the war but found the calls only depressed him. He couldn't figure out whether he was jealous of BJ's happiness or whether the only thing in common they had was the war. Was that really the case though? Had they just become friends because it was convenient? These questions wandered through Hawkeye's busy mind. His eyes scanned the pages of the local newspaper. He thought people were so shallow, so insular in the cove. He felt like he no longer belonged. Here these people had lived the perfect life, yet complained about things which seemed so irrelevant compared to the life Hawkeye had for 3 years. He started to read the main article. The headline was "Reds under the bed". Daniel had read the newspaper and tried to hide the article from his tormented son. Daniel watched his sons eyes sharpen as he read down the page and after a few lines slammed the newspaper down on the table and stormed out the back door. He ran down the back steps, across the small bridge over the small stream which ran down the back of the house and onto the beach. He kept running to his special place. The place that his mother had shown him when he was a child. Where she read him stories and played with him whilst his father was busy with his patients. He reached his haven and sat against a tree and looked out to the ocean. He ran his hand through his thick black hair and tried to catch his breathe.

Meanwhile Daniel picked the paper up angrily and threw it violently into the bin. He sat down again at the breakfast table and ran his hand through his thick grey hair in the same fashion Hawkeye did and sighed. He looked to the picture of his former wife, Alyssa, on the kitchen cabinet.

"Help" he said with sadness in his eyes and with that he walked upstairs to get ready for work.