I’d been in Korea for little more than a month. I was fitting in well, and had paired up with Trapper. Whether it was in the OR, the Mess Tent, The Swamp, at one of Henry’s famous lectures, or just in our spare time, we weren’t often seen apart, and people had gotten tired of hearing Trapper’s voice, "Annie did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you are?"
We were at a movie once when he said that and everyone turned around, "Yes, you have!" I thought it was funny, so did Trapper, once he saw the lighter side of it.
Long sessions in the OR were becoming par for the course, and I was getting used to it, and I thought the rest of the camp would be too, but I noticed everyone getting restless.
And then one day, in the middle of lunch, Hawkeye just stood up on the table. I was nervous; I heard he started a food fight like this once.
"Ladies, gentlemen and cockroaches alike, may I have your attention please?" he called, banging on a tray. We slowly fell silent and Trapper and I pulled our eyes off each other to look at him.
"I’ve decided, it’s time for a party!" He called, and a few people cheered.
Henry started up, "Now listen Pierce, I don’t want you doing anything crazy…"
Hawkeye scanned the room, "In honour of, Annabelle Dawson! Annie baby, tell the lovely people when your birthday is." He pretended to hold a microphone in front of my mouth.
"4th of July." I responded honestly.
"Aah, was that the 4th of October, 1600 hours till late in the Officer’s Club? I think it was, everyone, you heard the lady, 4pm today!" Applause burst out and I sat there thoroughly bewildered.
"Don’t worry Annie," Trapper whispered, "When Hawkeye’s like this, you’ll find most people in the camp have two or three birthdays a year. Mine are June 19, August 23 and December 12, and none of them are right, I’m a spring baby. Basically all it is, you show up at the appointed place and time, get given some cheap present. Hawkeye has a whole box of things he’s bought from the orphans. Then you dance, sing, drink, get wasted and have a good time."
Hawkeye hadn’t finished, "It’s an out of uniform party, and I want to see everyone in their party clothes."
I laughed, "So as long as it’s not my fatigues or Class A’s I can wear it?"
Trapper nodded, "You catch on quick."
I smiled, "Will I have fun tonight?"
Trapper laughed, "Fun is an understatement."
"Annie, are you sure that booze is good for you?" Trapper asked, I was on my third martini.
"Of course it is, my liver’s as much untouched as I am," I nodded perkily.
"She’ll have a hangover, the size of Mount Kilamanjaro." Hawkeye said, sipping his martini.
"That’s what I’m worried about," Trapper murmured watching me as I wove my way to the record player. I changed the record, and returned to the bar.
"Annie, from now on you’re going to have real alcohol, scotch on the rocks for the lady." Trapper removed my glass from my hand. Hawkeye thumped the bar and someone turned off the music.
"As I said earlier, this party is in honour of Annie here and I propose we give her her birthday gift now, so we can all get really drunk!" He handed me a crudely made doll, her body was stuffed with dried grass and she was wearing a dress made from a hanky. Her features were painted onto her Hessian body, and yet I thought it was the nicest thing I’d seen since I arrived in Korea.
"Thankyou," I smiled and kissed Hawkeye on the cheek.
"Well," Hawkeye called, "Let the party begin!"
"And we’ll be happy in my blue heaven!" I sang, I was definitely drunk now, but pleasantly drunk, I was having a great time. Trapper and Hawkeye were enjoying my attentions too, I had passionately kissed them both several times, to say nothing of several other very pleasantly surprised men. Henry was in the corner with a nurse, he was pickled and was currently denying his marriage.
"Annie, how about you do a song for us?" Hawkeye said, he and Trapper lifting me onto the bar. I stood up and straightened the blue dress I was wearing. I began singing, walking up and down the bar, bending and kissing men between lines. People began to cheer and as I finished singing, I swung myself off the bar and into Radar.
I kissed him and looked at him, "Well, aren’t you going to ask the lady to dance?" I led him onto the dance floor. Radar looked embarrassed, "Radar, did anyone ever tell you how cute you are?"
Fortunately for Radar, someone cut in and I responded by throwing my arms around their neck and kissing them. Drunkenly he responded until we both had to come up for air.
"Hi Henry" I said when I saw who I’d kissed.
"Jeez Louise!" He said, dancing me towards Trapper.
"Hello, Igor." I stopped and kissed him.
Henry pulled me off him and dumped me on Trapper, "You guys have created a monster here."
Hawkeye waltzed me down the aisle between the beds in Post-Op. At about 8pm, four hours after the party had started, we’d spilled into the compound and through the camp itself. We’d taken the party into Post-Op to brighten up the soldier’s lives and most of them were very appreciative of it. Major Burns, who was on duty however, didn’t see the funny side of things. He tried to chase us out until he realised that Henry was leading us.
"Colonel Blake, this is highly unbecoming conduct for a commanding officer!" Henry stopped dead in his tracks.
"Frank, we are just trying to bring a little sunshine to these poor guys lives, now I don’t think they’d like you interrupting their party." Henry slurred.
"Colonel Blake, that is no way to behave in a medical outfit! You are disturbing the patients who are trying to sleep." Henry looked around; every patient was sitting up, smiling.
"Frank I rather think that the patients are enjoying the festivities, especially the show Trapper, and Hawkeye are putting on." Frank looked around desperately for backup, but found none. Someone had spiked Major Houlihan’s coffee and now somewhat drunk, she was most definitely for the party.
The ‘show’ Henry was referring to was Hawkeye who at present had taken on the form of his alter ego, Groucho Marx, complete with glasses. Trapper was Harpo, horn and all and they were currently fooling around like idiots.
I sat on a stool at the other end of the room, a scotch in my hand and telling appalling jokes, which you had to be drunk to appreciate, and consequently a captive audience who thought the jokes were hilarious surrounded me.
I’d kissed every man in the room now, except Frank Burns, and drunk though I was, I had to draw the line there. I also hadn’t kissed the Father, but he had removed himself from the wilder part of the party.
"All in favour that Frank leaves the room and the party?" Every hand in the room went up at Margaret’s rather drunken suggestion.
"Okay!" I called, standing up, "Follow me!" I put my hands on Major Burns’s shoulders and started a conga line. Laughing and singing, we conga lined him out of the room.
The party kept going, we roamed around the camp singing and dancing, and I was still kissing every guy that I met. At about 1am, 9 hours after the party had started in the Officer’s Club, someone yawned, which set off a chain reaction. Slowly we all said our goodnights and went to bed.
Well, most of us went to bed, two nurses had to force themselves into unnatural states of alertness for Post-Op duty and Trapper, Hawkeye and I spent half an hour locating and bedding down Henry and anyone else that passed out along the way. Klinger was locked in the latrine; someone had found him trying to get signatures for his discharge and done the only thing that was possible.
Once Henry was safe in bed, with Hawkeye singing him a lullaby, Trapper let Klinger out. Father Mulcahy was sitting up reading his bible and praying for any sins people committed over the night until someone, with a glass of water, told him to be quiet. Frank had disappeared, I guessed to Margaret’s tent and we took the chance to get me bedded into the Swamp. A body, Radar we figured as everyone else was accounted for, was occupying my tent and we couldn’t be bothered moving him. Another bunk was in the Swamp, there had been another doctor in 1950, but he was transferred and never replaced. Both men kissed me goodnight and tucked me in and we fell asleep so soundly we never even heard Frank come in.
I woke at about 10 am; I tried to remember what I’d done the previous night. The camp was quiet, except for the sound of Trapper snoring. I sat up in my bunk in the Swamp. I remembered what happened, and everyone I’d kissed and I heard Hawkeye groan.
"Oh vengeful god, what did I do to deserve this?" He buried his face in his pillow. I smiled, Hawkeye had a king-sized hangover and although I had been a great deal more intoxicated than Hawkeye and Trapper, I was feeling pretty good.
I heard Trapper groan too, "Hawkeye stop having your hangover so loudly." he rubbed his head, "Why do I think I’ve been sitting in a 44 gallon drum while someone played on the damned thing with a big stick?" I yawned and stood up, most of the camp was coming to life, a chow line was beginning to form, and there was a queue for the showers.
"Annie, do me a favour, turn off the sun." muttered Trapper. I went to the still and poured the two men a drink.
"What’s this?" Hawkeye asked.
"Hair of the Dog," I whispered my reply, so as not to jar their heads. I had a mouthful too as the PA came to life.
"Attention all personnel, Colonel Blake requests that you report to him within the next hour to prove that you are not AWOL, and receive your after-party cleanup orders." Trapper groaned his reply, but looked better as he finished his drink.
"Oh, I forgot that bit." Hawkeye muttered, "The cleanup, well, let’s see what damage we’ve done." He dragged himself to his feet and pulled on some clothes… his dressing gown. I looked around for my clothes and realised my dress, which for whatever reason wasn’t on me anyway and was draped over the still was all I had. Everything else was in my tent.
"Here," Trapper hauled himself out of bed, he had gone to sleep fully dressed, and he gave me his robe.
"Thanks Trapper." I wrapped it around myself.
"That’s a kiss an hour,"
I laughed, "One hour thanks," I kissed him twice.
"And here’s you change madam," He kissed me and we staggered outside
"Whoa," There were streamers and bottles over the compound and Radar’s teddy had been hoisted up the flagpole.
"Well, let’s go report to Henry and then find out what we have to cleanup." I walked towards Henry’s office. His office was dimly lit, and he was nursing a bigger hangover than anyone else.
"Here," I poured him a drink and he took it gratefully, massaging his throbbing head as he did so. I went behind him and started rubbing his shoulders gently.
"That’s nice thanks Annie. Oh, this is a doozy of a hangover."
Hawkeye laughed, "Ssh, that’s too loud Pierce, have any of you seen Radar?" I kept massaging his back.
"Yes, well, we think he’s the one asleep in my tent."
Henry sat up suddenly, "What?" I kept up the massage as I talked.
"Well, everyone else is accounted for, his bed’s empty, my bed’s full and I slept in the Swamp…"
Henry almost laughed, "He didn’t quite make it back huh? The last thing I remember was dancing Frank out of the OR."
I laughed then, "It was Post-Op where he was being a spanner in the works, we found you at about ½ past 2, you were asleep in a jeep. Or unconscious as the case may be. You didn’t even notice us put you to bed. That’s probably a good thing though, Hawkeye sang you a lullaby, and he couldn’t hold a tune if his life depended on it. How’s that?"
Henry stretched, "Much better. Thanks, now I want you two to help in the Officer’s club, picking up tables and whatnot, Annie, could you collect everyone’s belongings from the compound, other people’s tents, the latrine, showers, Officer’s club… flagpole. And see that they get returned."
"Sure Colonel," I left, grabbing various articles of clothing as I went. Radar staggered in.
"Oh my goodness, Lieutenant ma’am I’m so sorry, I don’t quite know what I did, but I woke up in your bed." He saluted, his entire face red.
"That’s okay Radar, as long as you had fun. And I’ll get your teddy off the flagpole really soon." Radar blushed.
"Thankyou ma’am." I dragged one of Klinger’s stoles out from under the desk and left.
"Knock, knock." I tapped on Major Houlihan’s door and entered.
"What?" she snapped, "Oh it’s you Lieutenant, what is it?"
I smiled, "I’m on the return the lost items shift, anything missing?"
She shook her head, "But please return these to Major Burns." I smiled and accepted a bag of clothes.
"Have a nice day!" I called as a nurse passed me, loaded with rubbish.
"Lori, anything yours?" I called.
"Yeah, that jacket there and that, could you put them in my tent thanks Annie?"
I called back "Sure!" And kept going, picking up things and returning them to their owners, most of whom were grateful, some of them not. Frank Burns was one person who didn’t appreciate me delivering his clothes that Major Houlihan gave to me.
"How did you get these?"
He snapped, "Major Houlihan had them in her tent…" His chin disappeared as he tried to hide his embarrassment.
"Now why would they have been in her tent… I have no idea…" I sighed and left the tent, while he spluttered excuses.
"Ma’am!" Radar stopped me about five minutes later.
"Yes, Radar?" Radar looked at the ground.
"Did you umm, get my…?" I smiled and handed him the bear.
"Thanks…" his voice trailed off, his face stiffening.
"Choppers?" I asked, he nodded.
"Yep," he ran off, calling "Choppers! Choppers!" I headed for the mess tent, where I left the other things that were yet to be claimed and jumped in a jeep headed for the chopper pad.
"Annie, you’re going to need to be two steps ahead here, right?" I nodded, and I literally was, I knew what Trapper was going to ask for before he opened his mouth.
"Wow, that was some party!" Hawkeye exclaimed.
"Yeah," I agreed, "But the hardest part is getting back into this after all that fun." Hawkeye nodded.
"It’s another thing you’ll get used to Anne," I rolled my eyes.
"Well I’ve always prided myself on being very flexible." Major Burns said sniffily.
"Shut up Frank!" Margaret’s head was a little sore and she was somewhat irritable. Hawkeye grinned.
"Annie, before we forget, Happy birthday to you…" The rest of the OR joined in and made it a fitting end to my birthday.