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Alleycat's Philosophy on SM

(I can even make SM sex sound boring!)

Among other things, I am interested in safe, sane, consensual sadomasochism with other adults. SM is a lot more than inflicting and receiving pain. In fact, it doesn't have to involve pain at all. It usually involves an element of domination and submission, and acting out of fantasies. It often plays with the senses, particularly the sense of touch, hence the mention of pain. The touch can be anything from a caress to agony, depending on the players involved and what they are into.

I play according to the maxim of safe, sane, consensual:

Safe:

Safety involves not only prevention of disease, but also prevention of physical and emotional injuries.

 

Sane:

Decisions about what we are willing to do should be made with a clear mind. This generally entails thoughtful discussion and negotiation before we are in the heat of passion. It also means not playing while impaired by alcohol or other drugs.

 

Consensual:

Play must have the consent of everyone present. Consent is an ongoing thing, and can be withdrawn, in which case play stops.

Some people like to add another word: Fun. This has sparked some debate in the SM community. While many players do it for fun, there are other motivations, from deepening a love relationship to spiritual enlightenment. The bottom line is that we enter a scene because we believe it is something worth doing. I sometimes compare SM to dance. Think of any situation in which people dance and we can do SM. Hence we can dance (and engage in SM) as sexual foreplay, as casual fun with a friend with no sex involved, as a religious rite, as an art form, as a form of group recreation, and so on.

Fantasy vs. Reality

I draw a clear line between fantasy and reality, and I expect my play partners to do the same. Whatever roles we may play out in our SM activities, we must never lose sight of the fact that we are responsible adults doing this of our own free will. This is what enables us to do things that would otherwise be repugnant, without harming ourselves or others.

Hence it is possible for me to own a slave in the SM sense without owning him in the legal or involuntary servant sense. It is also possible for me to be active in a gay military club while being a pacifist. SM gives us the opportunity to do things in the confines of safe, sane, consensual play that we would never do for real.

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