Hi.  I'm Alf.  

Many of you remember that I had a tv sitcom from 1986 to 1991 named Alf on NBC.  I crash landed my spaceship in Max Wright's backyard and could not leave Earth.  Max and his family adopted me and treated me like I was a member of their family.  At first, this was wonderful.  Then I realized what it meant to be a 'member' of Max Wright's family.

Max told me I was an Alf (Alien Life Form) and if anyone discovered me, I would be thrown into prison with murderers, rapists and rap stars because I was an illegal alien.  Since I am from another planet, I believed him. 

Max's constant threats of arrest by the authorities and fear of going to prison kept me silent during my years of gay sexual abuse by Max Wright and later, Jim J Bullock.

I gathered the courage to tell my stories after the National Enquirer obtained a home video tape (filmed by Max's gay lover) of Max and his butt buddy smoking crack and smoking dick with homeless fags they picked up off the streets.  Max made the cover of the National Enquirer for this one! 

(Read full torrid story with details and disgusting pictures by clicking links above)

The video tape brought back many painful memories of gay sexual abuse at the hands of Max.  After the shock wore off, I realized this video tape could build credibility for my stories I am about to tell.

Why did it take us 20 minutes to take a simple family photo?  Every time the boy tried to sit on Max's lap a perverted expression would come over Max's face and the little boy would run off crying about 'not wanting to play Oscar Meyer Weiner right now'.  Max would chase the boy down and drag him back.  Finally, the photographer made the boy sit on the side of Max's leg and not in Max's lap.  View the results in the photo:

One day, Max tied a red ball gag in my mouth, handcuffed me and sat me down at the kitchen table.  Max told me that since the social workers and police have been asking his son 'those anatomically correct doll questions' I would have to 'carry my load' and 'contribute to the happiness of the household' and be his hairy little bitch.

Using constant physical and verbal abuse, Max begins to break me down physically and emotionally.  I start to embrace the lifestyle of being Max's faggy space alien bitch.  Max passes me around to his buttfag buddies and takes pictures.

Do these two look like brothers? 

• Jim J's E! True Hollywood Story bio says, "As a child growing up in Odessa, Texas, Jim J. Bullock dreamed of making it in Hollywood. In 1977, he moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in show biz. Bullock's dream came true just three years later, when he landed a role on the hit sitcom Too Close for Comfort. In the years to follow, Bullock tried to conceal his homosexuality, tested positive for HIV, filed for bankruptcy and battled drug addiction."
  
• Jim J plays a gay duck in a cartoon.  Queer Duck: An openly gay fowl (voiced by former Too Close for Comfort goofball Jim J. Bullock) and his animal family, including Straight Brother (RuPaul).
  
• Jim J has AIDS coutees: "I'm encouraged by advances in treatment and the success of educational awareness programs," says Bullock, who was diagnosed HIV-positive in 1985. "The stigma is a lot less in most places than what it was."
  
• Jim J sat in the 'gay square' on Hollywood Squares taking Paul Linde's seat (who died of aids).
  
• Jim J had a daytime talkshow with Tammy Faye Baker (no kidding).  Description from another website:  Here's a unique host combination: Jim J. Bullock, the hyperactive and openly gay former actor from TV's "Too Close for Comfort"; and Tammy Faye, false eyelash queen and former wife of P.T.L. convicted shyster Jim Bakker.
  

• Jim J makes a movie with Tammy Faye Baker:  The Eyes of Tammy Faye - Cast: as themselves, Tammy Faye Bakker, Jim Bakker, Pat Boone, Jim J. Bullock, Roseanne, RuPaul Charles.  Fags love Tammy Faye because she dresses like a drag queen.  What a piece of shit movie. www.eyesoftammyfaye.com 

Is anyone in Hollywood straight?

After being blindfolded,  Max and Jim would jack off into cups and make me taste test their goo and guess whose goo was in each cup. After a couple of days I could pick out Max or Jim J's goo with 100% accuracy and I didnt need to use my Colgate Whitening toothpaste anymore.

Max and Jim J both loved my really big nostrils.  I think you know what they liked to stick in them at the same time.

Max then began to create and market my gay video tapes worldwide.  Below are some from England and Germany that I found on Ebay.  I also did a gay prison sex movie.  I dont know who hired Fat Albert but he really smelled like shit.

Currently, I am trying to get my career going again.  The only place I can think of  for a sexually traumatized, gay, hairy alien like me is the Howard Stern show.  Since Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf  died I am hoping that a spot opened in the wackpack for another freak.  I think I can be as successful as that retard Beetlejuice.   

Howard, if you are out there...  contact Alf.  I will be a great guest (and you can help revive my career).    

Email Howard and ask him to give Alf a chance to replace Hank: [email protected]