Steven Wright

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen!

What's another word for Thesaurus?