Sexist Corner

(Submitter wishes to remain "Anonymous" - his wife surfs the web!)

 How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
 Marry it!
 
 
 What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
 A battery has a positive side.
 
 
 What are the three fastest means of communication?
 1) Internet
 2) Telephone
 3) Telawoman
 
 
 Why do hunters make the best lovers?
 Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat
 what they shoot.
 
 
 How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
 They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
 
 
 What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
 A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!
 
 
 How do you piss off a female archaeologist??
 Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from.
 
 
 What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
 They can both smell it but can't eat it.
 
 
 How is a woman like a condom?
 Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
 
 
 What should you give a woman who has everything?
 A man to show her how to work it.
 
 
 How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
 They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end
 you lose your house.
 
 
 How can you tell a macho women?
 She rolls her own tampons.
 
 
 Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
 She knows she's given her last blow job.
 
 
 What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
 A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with
 everyone at the party except you.
 
 
 What's the difference between your wife and your job?
 After 10 years the job still sucks.
 
 
 What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
 Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
 
 
 How can you tell if you had a really great blowjob?
 You have to pull the sheet out of your ass.
 
 
 How can you tell if you have a great wife?
 She pulls the sheet out for you.
 
 
 Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called a
 waist?
 Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
 
 
 Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
 When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
 
 
 How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
 Put a nipple on it.
 
 
 Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
 Because they don't have balls to scratch.
 
 
 Why do tampons have a string attached?
 So you can floss after eating
 
 
 Why did God create woman ?
 To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
 
 
 What does a three-piece dinner from KFC and a woman have in common?
 Take away the breasts and the legs all you have left is a greasy
 box...
 
 
 If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
 The swallow
 
 
 How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
 Phone her.
 
 
 How do you make her scream during sex?
 Stop and wipe your dick on the curtains!
 
 
 Why do women fake orgasms ?
 Because they think men care.
 
 
 What is the definition of "making love"?
 Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
 
 
 What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
 Slow down and use a lubricant.
 
 
 What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
 Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak
 
 
 How many sexists does it take to change a lightbulb?
 None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
 
 
 What's the difference between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E?
 One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.
 
 
 What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
 Nothing, she's been told twice already.
 
 
 How many men does it take to open a beer?
 None. It should be opened by the time she brings it
 
 
 If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what
 have you done wrong?
 Made her chain too long

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