Rules For Using New Cash Machines.

New Cashpoint Machines
 
Can you all note that, with the arrival of the new 'Drive-Thru Cashpoint',
users will be able to withdraw cash without having to leave their vehicle.

To enable users to utilise this new facility, the following procedures have
been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to your own
circumstances (ie Male or Female) and remember them for when you first
use the machines.
 
MALE PROCEDURE

Drive up to cash machine.
Wind down window.
Insert card and enter PIN.
Enter amount of cash to withdraw.
Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
Wind up window.
Drive off.
 
 
FEMALE PROCEDURE

Drive up to cash machine.
Wind down window.
Wind up window.
Reverse back 1 metre to align window to machine.
Stall engine.
Wind down window.
Enter handbag, remove make-up bag and locate card.
Check make-up in rear-view mirror.
Attempt to insert card into machine.
Open door to allow easier access to machine - due to distance from car
to  machine.

Insert card.
Re-enter handbag to locate cigarette pack with PIN number written on.
Enter PIN, press cancel and re-enter PIN - this may take several
attempts as correctly entering four numbers consecutively can be confusing.

Glare incredulously at machine each time you get it wrong. 

Should you get it right,  allow yourself a knowing smile - you were right all along. Enter amount of cash to withdraw.

Check hair in display on the cash dispenser.
Retrieve card and receipt.

Locate cheque book to file the receipt.
Locate make-up bag and place card inside.

Check make-up again.

Start car engine.
Drive forward for 4 metres.

Stall engine.

Restart car and drive back 3 metres.
Stall engine.

Get out of car and walk 1 metre back to cash machine.
Retrieve cash.

Get back into car.

Start engine.

Locate purse and put cash in  it.

Re-check make-up.

Drive off.

Drive for 3 miles. Whilst driving, go through make-up bag to check where you put the card and receipt.

Panic.
Remember that you think you put the cash in your purse.

Whilst crossing roundabout, find purse and check cash.

Drop cash on floor whilst counting it.
Check make-up.

Light up a cigarette.

Realise you are lost.

Release handbrake...............................

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