Microsoft V General Motors

(Submitted by Derek Stewart)

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly
compared the computer industry with the auto industry and
stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars
that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors
issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself):

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we
would all be driving cars with the following
characteristics:

1.  For no reason whatsoever your car would crash
twice a day.

2.  Every time they repainted the lines on the
road you would  have to buy a new car.

3.  Occasionally your car would die on the
freeway for no  reason, and you would just accept this,
restart and drive on.

4.  Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a
left turn,  would cause your car to shut down and refuse
to restart,  in which case you would have to reinstall the
engine.

5.  Only one person at a time could use the car,
unless you  bought "Car95" or "CarNT."  But then you
would have to buy more seats.

6.  Macintosh would make a car that was powered
by the sun,  reliable, five times as fast, and twice as
easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of the
roads.

7.  The oil, water temperature and alternator
warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car
default"  warning light.

8.  New seats would force everyone to have the
same size butt.

9.  The airbag system would say "Are you sure?"
before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your
car would lock  you out and refuse to let you in until you
simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and
grab hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also
purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM
subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them.
Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause
the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more.
Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by
the Justice  Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model car
buyers would  have to learn how to drive all over again
because none of the controls would operate in the same manner
as the old car.

13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off
the engine.

Return to Jokes Index Page       Return to Main Index Page           Return to Welcome Page