Jerry: Today on Jerry Springer, we are happy to welcome the former and current Digidestined-

Audience: [cheers] Jerry: Thank you, thank you. And may I present to you, Taichi Yagami, with a slight problem!

[title bar on screen appears, reading "my girlfriend left me for my sister".]

Taichi: Beg pardon?

Daisuke: *whispers from backstage* It's a fanfiction. Best to just play along.

Taichi: Oh...

Jerry: And now we have Sora Takenouchi, everyone's big sister.

Takeru: *backstage* Everyone except Hikari. -_-;

Sora: Hi! Great to be here!

[for some odd reason, the audience boos Sora. Taichi peeks behind a curtain to see the author giggling madly and playing with the "applause" meters.]

Jerry: So, I understand you dumped Taichi for his little sister Hikari?

Sora: Yeah. Taichi got kinda boring...so...

Taichi: I'm boring? I'm boring? What the **** are you talking about? You're the one who exists for the sole purpose of watching after the kids, you *****!

Jerry: Well, let's bring out the cause of the lover's spat, Yagami Hikari!

Hikari: Taichi-baka, kimi o korosu! Sora-chan wa watashi no![1] You do not have my permission to be mean to her, you *****!

[Fight breaks out on stage, with much swearing, Hikari and Sora against Taichi. The security guards try to break up the fight. At some point, Daisuke joins the fight with the apparent sole purpose of beating on Sora. Guards finally break up fight.]

Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Jerry: Now, I'd like you all to welcome another of the former Digidestined, Ishida Yamato!

Others: *confused* Yamato?

Jerry: Taichi, Yamato has something to say to you.

Yamato: *flatly* I hate Mimi's guts. She's a ****. I'm actually gay. Taichi, I am passionately in love with you.

Sora and Hikari: *blink*

Mimi [backstage] You used me, Yamato? You **** I hope you ****

Taichi: Oh, Yamato! I love you too! I actually hate Sora! She's just a cover-up for my true passion!

Yamato: *Jumps on Taichi*

Taichi: Is that your harmonica in your pocket, Yama, or are you just glad to see me?

Yamato: *rolls his eyes and begins making out with Taichi*

Jerry: ... Sora, are you aware that Hikari is cheating on you with Takeru?

Sora: What?!

Hikari: I am not!

Takeru: She is not!

Jerry: ? Then where did these cue cards come from...?

[Hikari and Takeru both jump on Jerry, swearing, of course, and have to be bodily removed my the security guards. Gatomon and Patamon then go for Jerry, doing large damage to Jerry, the security force, and the set before the guards manage to restrain them.]

Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Jerry: [bleeding from several large Gatomon-style scratches] Commercial!

[1] Loosely translated, "Stupid Tai, I'm gonna kill you (kimi is a very rude form of you). Sora is mine!"

[Return to the set after a commercial break. Taichi, Hikari, and Sora have all mysteriously disappeared. Daisuke is onstage instead. Jerry has been bandaged up and now resembles a walking mummy.]

Jerry: Welcome back. And here is the leader of the new Digidestined, Daisuke Motomiya!

Daisuke: *winks at audience. There is an unexplainable thump from backstage. Daisuke peeks behind the curtain to find the author passed out*

Jerry: Uh...so, Daisuke. I understand that you're dating the Digimon Kaiser. [caption appears reading "my boyfriend is evil and wants to take over the world".]

Daisuke: Yup. We spend the weekends in the dungeons-

Jerry: Thank you, Daisuke! I also understand that you have a threesome thing going with Takeru-

Takeru: *Bounces onstage* Yup, loads of fun! I remember one time with whipped cream and fuzzy handcuffs-

*an "eep" emenates from backstage, followed by another thump. This time the author has passed out with a nosebleed*

Jerry: *coughs* Thank you, Takeru. And lastly we have Ken. Ken, come out here!

Ken: Do I have to? This show is demeaning and utterly pointless.

Audience: *sweatdrops*

Daisuke: Please, pookie?

Ken: *poking his tomato red face out* Daisuke! Dame da!

Jerry: However, unknown to both boys, Ken is having a secret affair with Iori!

Author: It sounded good...

Daisuke: Um...isn't he a little young?

Takeru: Duh. That's part of what made us interesting enough to go on Jerry Springer.

Daisuke: Fine. Go away, Ken. A foursome would have been fine, but you shouldn't have had fun behind our backs. ****. *begins making out with Takeru, pointedly ignoring Ken*

Ken: What?! No one spurns the Digimon Kaiser! Tyrranomon! Get them! [begins fluently swearing in several languages, including Japanese, English, Mongolian, and Norwegian*.]

[A Tyrannomon mysteriously appears and charges towards Daisuke. The security guards head towards Tyrannomon, then thing better of it, and scatter like bowling pins, screaming girlishly.]

Daisuke: Veemon, digivolve to...Exveemon!

Takeru: Patamon, digivolve to...Angemon!

Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

[The digimon begin fighting. When the smoke clears, the set is destroyed, and Ken, the Tyrannomon, Veemon, Takeru, and Patamon are all dead. Daisuke, on the whim of the author, is still alive and being dragged away by said author, who looked very much like the cat that just caught the canary.]

Jerry: *dazedly* Stop the insanity...I think I need a new job. That's all we have for today, folks. *passes out*
~~~~~
Lucia: OK. That was strange. Anyone actually like?
~~~~~
The end