Title: If I Can't Love Him
Author: Lucia
Rating: PG-13 Warnings: Yaoi, serious character death. THis was supposed to be a Ken death, but somehow, it turned into a multiple death Shakespeare would envy (OK, probably not, but...)

The note was neat, just like Ken, typed out on a piece of white paper, contrasting the red that bled into the formerly pristine white of Ken's bedroom.

Dear Digidestined, (it began)

I suppose you're wondering what was going through my head when I slit my wrists. You might even be sad. Well, I was listening to music the other day when I came across this little piece. Doesn't it just tell my life perfectly?

And in my twisted face
There's not the slightest trace
Of anything that even hints at kindness

I...don't deserve the crest of kindness. You can't argue with that. I can't see who I once was, the boy who loved everything and took good care of Wormmon. All I can see when I look in the mirror is the twisted face of the Digimon Kaizer.

And from my tortured shape
No comfort, no escape
I see, but deep within is utter blindness

There's no way to escape what I've done...I don't know how to atone for what I've done. Like in the song. Utter blindness. The only way I can escape is...through death's welcome embrace.

Hopeless
As my dream dies
As the time flies
Love a lost illusion

Helpless, unforgiven
Cold and driven
To this sad conclusion

Everything I thought I loved was just a lie. I'm just a hopeless, broken human. No one loves me. How could they? No one forgives me, except maybe Daisuke.

No beauty could move me
No goodness improve me

And nothing could get through my thick skull. I couldn't see the beauty of the digital world, I only saw something to conquer.

No power on earth
If I can't love him

Daisuke...I care for you. I know I can't love you, because you're with Takeru. What kind of power did I really have, if I couldn't even love someone?

No passion could reach me
No lesson could teach me
How I could have loved him
And make him love me too
If I can't love him, then who?

It was kind of ironic, really. I got everything except what I wanted. But I guess that's the story of life. The thing you want most if always something you can never have. And I feel stupid, because I know if I hadn't chosen the path I had, I could have had you. And least, I think I could have. But there's no one left that I could ever love, I don't think. And what's left if you can't fall in love?

Long ago I should have seen
All the things I could have been
Careless and unthinking I moved onward

Yeah, I was stupid. Yeah, you probably don't give a damn about me. I should have known better with all my so-called intelligence. Maybe it's that inate wisdom vs. educated stupidity stuff my english teacher's always talking about. And no, I never, ever, thought.

No pain could be deeper
No life could be cheaper
No point anymore
If I can't love him

Just what it said- just what I feel.

No spirit could win me
No hope left within me
How I could have loved him
And that he'd set me free
But it's not to be
If I can't love him
Let the world be done with me!

"Oh, Ken," Kari whispered.
"He loved me?" Daisuke said.
Miyako sniffled. "But there were so many people still..."
"He loved me?" Daisuke repeated, then fell to the floor crying. Takeru gathered him up. "Shhh."
"Takeru...this is all my fault."
"There's no way you could have known," Iori whispered, touching Daisuke's sleeve gently. "Let's go."

Daisuke knelt before the grave and touched the soil.
"No pain could be deeper
No life could be cheaper
No point anymore if
He can't love me

"No hope he would do so
No dream to pursue so
I look to myself,
Despise all the things I see
For I know that he cannot set me free
Let the world be done with... me."

"Guilt can drive a person mad, did you know that Ken?" Daisuke whispered, slicing both wrists with the razor blade he carried.
And Takeru found him there, and drove the knife into his own heart.

Daisuke: O_O You killed Ken again? And why is it always my fault?
Lucia: *shrug* Dunno. *wanders off to get some help*