In which Pippin, miraculously, restrains himself.
Brandy Hall, Buckland - Rethe 1408 SR
Rorimac Brandybuck, Master of Buckland for 45 years, died on Rethe 25th, three days before the vernal equinox. He was 102, a good age for a hobbit, and had been generally well-respected and well-liked, for his financial acumen, his good sense and his devotion to the land. As the riders were sent out, Brandy Hall turned to and prepared to give the Old Master as good a sending off as any that had been seen in the Shire.
At Great Smials, the news was received with consternation as well as grief, for it could not have come at a worse time. Thain Ferumbras III was still recovering from an attack of winter ague and, although the attack had been mild, it had left him weak and not yet fit to travel. Paladin was caught between the lambing, sowing and Quarter Day on 1st Astron, when rents were due. Eglantine and Pervinca were in Michel Delving with Pearl , who had miscarried a month after Yule and was still unwell. That left either Pimpernel, who was happy with her place as temporary Mistress of Tookland and did not want to go to Buckland, or Peregrin, who could hardly be considered a proper representative of the Thain for such a serious occasion.
Paladin was close to tearing his hair out when Cousin Adalgrim came to the rescue.
"Go to Buckland, Pal," Adalgrim said, clasping his cousin's shoulder. "You know Esme will want you there. Let me handle the rents and see to any problems. It's only for a week, and I'll have the youngsters to help."
Nel was pleased: she had been afraid that her father would make her go, and she didn't want to relinquish her new-found place a minute before it was necessary. Pippin, on the other hand, asked to go to Buckland with his father, saying, "You know Merry will be sad, too. I could cheer him up."
Paladin thought about it. The boys had always been close, and there was no doubt that if anyone could console Merry at this sad time it would be Peregrin. There was much to be said for cousins after all - he remembered how much he had been comforted by Adalgrim when his own father had died thirty years ago.
After some consideration, he consented. "Very well, Pippin, you may come. But mind you behave! This is no time to be tormenting Merry with any of your tricks."
Pippin promised, resolutely putting aside all thoughts of how much he wanted to tumble with Merry and concentrating instead on how best he could comfort his cousin in ways that did not involve deep kisses, hands roaming over smooth skin and inconvenient clothes left in piles on the floor. After a couple of hours he came to the conclusion that there weren't any such ways and retreated to privacy of the bathroom.
They set off early the next morning, and made a fast journey, just the two of them on ponies, travelling cross-country to the East Road and then halting at Whitfurrows for the night.
They arrived at Brandy Hall in the mid-afternoon of 28th Rethe and were greeted by Esme. Paladin hugged his sister closely, and then they were taken to Saradoc, who was in the Master's study with Meriadoc.
An onlooker would have found an interesting parallel in the way that Saradoc approached Paladin and Merry went straight to Pippin. After hugs and condolences had been exchanged, the two men settled down to serious talk about liquid assets, accounts due and accounts rendered. Merry looked tired and was obviously relieved to be given an excuse to leave the sombre atmosphere of the study to help Pippin unload the ponies and get them to the stables.
"Has it been absolutely awful?"
"Worse," said Merry. "My father has supposedly been helping grandfather with the management of Buckland for the last ten years, but it seems that there was a lot that he wasn't told, and now he's realising that Buckland isn't quite as well-off as he thought it was. But that's not a problem that should concern us today."
They caught up with the day-to-day news as they were carrying bags. Paladin had been allocated his usual room, since Saradoc had never doubted that he would come, but Pippin's usual room had been given to an elderly relative who had travelled down from Scary.
"It doesn't matter, I can sleep anywhere, even in the stables if you have nowhere else." Pippin was not concerned - it would be the ideal excuse for him to share Merry's bed.
"I could set up a pallet in my room if you like," offered Merry.
"A pallet?" That was not what Pippin had been expecting to hear. "Can't I share your bed like I did at Great Uncle Saradas's funeral last year?"
"It's different now, Pip," said Merry. "You know it is."
"I don't see why it should be."
"Don't you remember what happened at Yule?"
"Of course I remember. I simply said that I don't see why we shouldn't share a bed. But-" he hurried to forestall Merry's objections "- I know that you don't agree, and I promised Father that I wouldn't tease you or play tricks on you, so if you say that I have to sleep on a pallet, or in the servants' wing, or in the stable, then I won't complain. Well, not much."
Merry had to grin. "And I promise that I won't make you sleep in the stable. I'll have a pallet brought in here, and at least we can talk."
"If talking is all I'm allowed to do, then that's what I'll do. Though," Pippin added, "I won't be at all happy if I don't get at least one kiss a day."
"One kiss a day it is - but fully dressed and standing up."
"If you think that could stop me if I really wanted to..." Pippin's voice trailed off. "Oh, well, fully dressed and standing up. But it has to be a proper kiss, not just a touch on the lips."
"A proper kiss."
"And I want my first kiss right now."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. All this talking about it..."
Merry laughed. "My poor cousin. Come here, then." He opened his arms and Pippin went into them willingly.
Their lips touched softly at first, then the kiss deepened as they both opened their mouths, allowing tongues to slip past lips and teeth, both of them still astonished at the breadth of the sensations that could be encompassed in each kiss.
Merry pulled back first, only to rest his head on Pippin's shoulder. Pippin's arms were wrapped tightly around him, keeping him close.
"I'm glad you're here, Pippin-love," he said softly.
"I'll always be here for you. I'll keep you safe." Pippin saw nothing amusing in what he had said and was startled and somewhat put out to see Merry smiling. "What is it?"
"Peregrin Took promising to keep me safe... Who was it who accidentally got us locked in the third cellar last spring? Who was it who suggested that we "sample" the prize peaches at the Mid-Year's Day show last summer? Who -?" His voice was muffled by Pippin's lips, firm and warm on his own. He couldn't help but allow the kiss, even if it did mean that Pippin had got the better of him yet again.
As he pulled away, reluctantly, he looked into Pippin's eyes - now almost at his own level - and sighed. "I can't believe you love me, sometimes. I don't know what I ever did to deserve it."
"Don't you? Oh, there are lots of things." Pippin laughed, his serious mood disappearing in an instant. "Let's see... you played with me when I was little, and you were never mean to me, even when it took me so long to learn to read, and you taught me to swim, and you helped me to ride again after Caramel threw me, and you never let Vinca or Nel hit me when you were there, and you stopped Gandalf turning me into a frog when I tried to steal his staff, and you always saved the last piece of pudding for me, and everything good in my life comes from you." Pippin raised his head and kissed Merry on the nose. "So there."
So that was it.
* * *
The next day was spent in more preparations and looking after the hobbits who had come from far and wide to pay their respects to the old Master. Brandybuck relatives were pouring in from all over the Shire, from Standelf and Newbury in Buckland, of course, and Rushey in the Marish, but also Scary and Oatbarton and Nobottle and even Michel Delving.
Frodo Baggins had sent word that he would attend, though he planned to stay at the inn at Stock with the more distant relatives, rather than at Brandy Hall as he was entitled to as Rorimac's nephew.
"...and if that doesn't stir up all the old gossip, I don't know what else will!" said Saradoc to Esme that night.
"Well, you can hardly blame him for harbouring some resentment. They both went through some bad years, and neither of them has settled.
"They hold good positions now. Surely they can't hold a grudge over something that happened nearly twenty years ago? They don't even like each other any more!"
Esmeralda looked at her husband. There were times when he could be quite oblivious to the emotional undercurrents that swirled through the hall. "That's precisely my point."
"I don't understand."
"Never mind, dear. I doubt that it will be important tomorrow."
Saradoc grunted, and got into bed.
* * *
Merimac, Rorimac's second son, arrived from Michel Delving very early on the morning of the funeral. To Pippin's disappointment, he said that he had left Berilac behind to finish a tricky piece of negotiation. He also brought condolences from the mayor and several other hobbits who were unable to make the long journey.
The interment proceeded without incident, all the proper words being spoken and the weather remaining appropriately sombre without raining. Afterwards, the family returned to the main hall, where a cold collation had been set out.
There must have been at least two hundred hobbits milling around, eating and drinking, talking in low voices and occasionally crying. Those who had come from the farther reaches of the Shire took the opportunity to catch up with old friends and acquaintances, and gradually the tone of the conversations grew warmer and more convivial.
Esmeralda greeted Frodo with a hug and a kiss. "Welcome back, dear."
Frodo looked discomfited. "I'm sorry, Esme," he muttered.
"Don't be sorry. You had your reasons and I don't blame you for staying away. I only hope that now he's gone you might visit once in a while."
"That might depend on Saradoc."
Esmeralda made a sound that, in anyone less beautiful and elegant, would have been described as a snort. "Saradoc will welcome you back, if he knows what's good for him. It's high time and more that this was all put behind us. You're a Brandybuck as well as a Baggins and you belong here."
Frodo smiled his thanks.
"But, Frodo..."
"Yes?"
"Merimac and Berilac belong here as well. Make your peace with them."
"I never had a quarrel with Berry, well, not precisely. But Merimac..." his voice trailed off.
"You know he didn't do it out of spite. He honestly believed he was doing it for the best."
Frodo's fists clenched and his voice grated as he said, "I can't forgive him, Esme, I just can't."
Esme sighed. "Well, dear, all I ask is that you don't make a scene. Not today."
Frodo nodded and forced his hands to relax. "I'll behave myself."
"Good lad," she chuckled, deliberately using the tone of voice Frodo remembered well from his first year at Brandy Hall.
Frodo laughed and hugged her. "I have missed you, Esme."
"And I've missed you too. Now, get along with you and let me see to Aunt Ermengilda - she's about to fall out of her chair again." She moved off, leaving Frodo to marvel at her efficiency.
He turned around and found himself face to face with Merimac. Bearing Esmeralda's words in mind, and making allowance for the fact that his cousin had just lost his father, Frodo summoned up all his self-control and greeted him politely.
"My condolences, Cousin Merimac."
"Aye." Merimac looked just as uncomfortable as Frodo felt, and he wondered briefly if Esme had given strict instructions to Merimac as well. He wouldn't put it past her.
"How are things in Michel Delving?"
"Getting on, getting on."
"How is Berry?"
"He's well. Doing fine with the business."
"I expected he would be here."
Merimac coloured slightly. "Aye, well, that is... couldn't spare him. Tricky bit of negotiation, you know. Wool."
Frodo raised an eyebrow. "Indeed? It's good to see such dedication. Let him know that I was asking after him."
Merimac looked even more uncomfortable, but said, "Aye, I'll do that." After a brief pause the two hobbits nodded at each other and turned away, and if either one heard the other's sigh of relief, he didn't let on.
While Saradoc and Merimac received the repeated condolences of their relatives and friends, Esme circled the room making sure that the older hobbits were being looked after and that everyone had enough to eat. Cold collation or not, there was every expectation that a good spread would be provided, and no hope at all that grief would diminish any true hobbit's appetite.
Merry alternated between standing with his father and circulating with his mother. Pippin stood by him for most of the time, when he wasn't standing with Paladin, and was impressed by the degree of self-control that Merry was exhibiting in the face of extremely trying remarks. If it wasn't one elderly relative saying that Merry was the spitting image of his father at the same age (which he wasn't), it was another predicting that he would soon be so immersed in Buckland work that his tweenage years should be considered over (which, Saradoc had assured his son, would not be the case).
Inevitably, though, it was Great-Aunt Asphodel who delivered the final blow, when she told him that he should be looking for a young hobbit-lass to court so that Esme could take her in hand and train her up as the mistress-in-waiting. Pippin was almost overcome with nausea at the prospect, and he could see that Merry was just as badly affected. He watched Merry make a visible effort to give a courteous reply, but wasn't surprised to see Merry making his excuses and hurrying out of the hall seconds later. After glaring at the old crone, Pippin wandered around the room for a few minutes until he judged he could make his own escape relatively unobserved.
He hurried up the stairs and into Merry's room. Merry was face down on the bed, crying. He didn't look up. Pippin closed the door behind him, saying "It's only me," and climbed up onto the bed. He sat beside the prone form, hoping that Merry wouldn't tell him to go away. He ran his fingers through the soft brown locks, remembering how his mother did this to him when he had been upset or ill. He had always found it soothing, and he hoped that it would be of some comfort to Merry.
It seemed to do the trick. After a few minutes, Merry sat up and Pippin looked at him, concern and love in his face. He opened his arms and Merry didn't hesitate, leaning forward and resting his head on Pippin's shoulder.
"I'm glad you're here. I wanted to be alone, but I'm glad you're here." Merry was crying again, and Pippin held him close, murmuring reassurances into his ear and rubbing his back soothingly, as one would a child, hoping that he could make Merry feel safe and warm and loved. He didn't care that tears were soaking into his jacket, or that he was sitting in a very uncomfortable position. Merry needed him, and Merry was all that mattered.
Some time later Merry felt sufficiently recovered to get up and wash his face in preparation for returning downstairs. Pippin followed, slowly, feeling unsettled. This was the second time this year that he had found himself giving comfort to Merry, instead of the other way around. He was glad that he was able to help his cousin, but it was a disturbance of the natural order of things that he had known all his life, and he wasn't sure how to cope with it, or how to adapt to the change. It made him realise that he was growing up. The problem was that he had always thought of being grown-up as something wonderful, when he would be able to do anything he wanted to do, and would not have to answer to anyone. Now that he was approaching adulthood - or, at least, tweenhood - he was beginning to see that the constraints on adults were just as binding, if not as visible, as those on children.
They reached the main hall and found Frodo about to leave, saying he had some business to transact in Bywater the next day. Saradoc had not looked pleased, but had not tried to stop him.
Esme looked sympathetic and gave him another big hug. "Remember what I said, Frodo. Come back soon."
Frodo nodded. "I will. I just need to get used to the idea again." He turned to Merry and Pippin and hugged them in turn before mounting the sturdy chestnut pony he had hired for the journey. He rode off towards the ferry, wrapping his cloak close around him as the rain started to fall.
* * *
The next day, the two cousins talked the cook into providing a picnic basket and took off for the hills to the east of Brandy Hall. They stopped at a rocky outcropping and climbed up to the very top. From there they could see the Hedge, stretching out like a dark green river in front of them, and the Old Forest beyond.
They reminisced about the time they had stolen the key to the gate and had become lost in the Forest, being rescued by Old Rory, Saradoc and a few others. That was a memory both painful and sweet, for though they had both been soundly thrashed, they had also been made to clean out some of the deepest burrows within the Hall, and that had been nearly as much of an adventure as their forest excursion had been. Not only had they found old furniture, clothes, and mathoms galore, they had also spent nearly a whole week in each other's company and it was then that Pippin had decided that he liked Merry more than he did all his other cousins put together.
Merry had told him stories as they worked: tales that had fascinated him and made the week pass far too quickly. Some of them were Bilbo's tales of far-off lands, with elves and dwarves and treasure. Others were Merry's own, tales of hobbits long gone, conjured up from the clothes and journals and odd little items that they found in their travails. Pippin had enjoyed them all, and had returned to that week in his memory time and time again.
They sat on the grass for a long time after they had finished eating, lying back and looking up at the clouds. The air was cool, but they were sheltered from the worst of the wind in the hollow, and their thick woollen cloaks kept them warm. Patches of blue sky appeared from time to time, but most of the sky remained ominously grey.
Pippin suddenly thought of a question that had been puzzling him since the day before. "Why doesn't Cousin Frodo like Uncle Merimac?"
There was no answer. Pippin looked over at Merry, to find that he had fallen asleep. He reached over to prod him awake, then hesitated. Merry looked so tired; Pippin wondered just how long it had been since Merry had had a good night's sleep. While awake, he had managed to disguise it to some extent by the vivacity of his expression, but here, in repose, he looked exhausted. The shadows under his eyes looked like bruises and Pippin frowned to see them. Merry looked so vulnerable, so fragile. It wasn't right: his Merry was made for laughing and singing, not for sorrow. He felt an odd surge of emotion within him: a desire to protect Merry, to keep him safe, to make sure that he had the chance to sing and dance and laugh again.
So, instead of prodding him awake, Pippin snuggled down beside him. Merry stirred, then rolled towards the warmth, and Pippin found himself with an armful of sleepy hobbit and no room to move. He sighed, wriggled one arm out so that he could wrap it around Merry, and decided that there were worse ways to spend an afternoon.
He woke perhaps an hour later to find Merry looking down at him. "Hello, love," he smiled up at his beloved's face. "Did you sleep well?"
Merry smiled back. "Yes, I did. I could ask the same of you."
"Oh, I slept as well as I was able, seeing as I had a great lump of a hobbit on my chest. Oof! Get off, you big oaf! No, no! Don't move!" Too late, Pippin realised that for one brief second Merry had been lying right on top of him.
Merry laughed and sat up again. "Missed your chance, Pipsqueak."
"Not fair." Pippin looked at Merry in disgust, then looked past him to the clouds rolling in. "Oh, dear. I think we'd better head back - it's going to be raining soon."
Merry turned his head, then nodded in agreement. He could see the rain falling from the clouds that were heading towards them, and it would take a good hour to get back to Brandy Hall.
"You're right - let's pack up and set off."
They almost made it, getting caught about ten minutes before they reached the Hall. The rain was heavy and was accompanied by a malevolent wind that made their cloaks all but useless: they were nearly soaked through by the time they got to the nearest door. Doffing their cloaks and leaving the baskets in the vestibule, they hurried into the main hall where there was a fire. Esmeralda scolded them for staying out in the rain, but bundled them off for a hot bath as soon as they had stopped dripping on the floor.
Most of the guests had departed, leaving only close family - Merimac, Paladin and a few others. The evening meal was quiet, but not too gloomy, and when the adults retired once more to the study, Pippin decided he couldn't be bothered fighting his yawns any more. He headed for Merry's room and started to pack his bags ready for the morning.
Merry came in a few minutes later. He stood beside his cousin until Pippin looked up, smiling, then gripped his shoulder. "Thank you for coming here, Pippin. I know I haven't been much company, but I'm really glad that you came."
Pippin put his arms around Merry's waist and smiled at him. "And I'm glad that I was able to help a little. I do love you, you know, and I hate seeing you unhappy." He kissed Merry softly on the lips, lingering there as he was reminded of the unique taste that Merry had.
Merry leaned on him, taking every ounce of comfort that Pippin offered. He pulled back after a minute, then hugged Pippin more closely.
"I love you, Pippin," he whispered.
"I love you, too," he heard.
They stood there for a very long time, until Pippin was convinced that Merry had fallen asleep standing up.
"Merry, are you asleep?"
"No." Merry smiled, releasing him, "but you felt very good."
"Hmm. That's the second time today you've used me for a pillow. I don't suppose..."
"No, I'm not making it three times. And it's about time you went to bed, to sleep. You have a long day tomorrow."
"Do I get a goodnight kiss?"
"You've just had a kiss."
"It wasn't a goodnight kiss though. I've been so good, Merry, don't I deserve a reward? Just one more kiss? I promise I won't tease. Just push me up against the wall here so I can feel you."
Merry considered it. "You have been good. And, Lady help me, I need to feel you, too."
Merry pushed Pippin gently up against the wall and placed himself squarely in front of the slim body. He pressed forward, chest, belly and groin making contact. He took his time, placing kisses on Pippin's eyes, cheeks, nose and chin before beginning a slow, sensuous exploration of his mouth. Pippin became aroused in seconds and his fists clutched convulsively behind Merry's back, but, true to his word, he didn't push forward or try to take control of the kiss, though it cost him an immense effort. Instead, he concentrated on enjoying everything that Merry was giving him. It wasn't quite what he wanted, but it was almost enough... for now.
The kiss lasted until Merry couldn't ignore the evidence of their arousal any longer. He pulled back at last, moving instead to touch their foreheads together.
"Two years..." Merry whispered.
"I can't wait two years," whispered Pippin.
"We have to."
Pippin didn't answer. He had no intention at all of waiting until he turned twenty, but it was useless trying to explain that to Merry now. And he had promised Merry and his father that he wouldn't tease. Instead, he tipped his head sideways and stole a third kiss from Merry's lips, not teasing, but tender and sweet.
"Love you, Pip."
"Love you, Merry."
"Go to bed."
"In a minute."
"Now."
"One more kiss?"
"There." Merry kissed him on the forehead. "One more kiss. And so to bed."
Pippin pouted for a moment, then removed his arms from Merry's waist and wandered over to the bed, undoing his shirt buttons... very slowly.
Merry grunted and turned away, reaching for his own nightshirt. Having changed, swiftly and pragmatically, he cast a quick glance back at Pippin. "Ready?"
Pippin was also in his nightshirt, folding his clothes.
"Yes! Always!" he exclaimed, but on seeing Merry's face, he sighed dramatically, saying, "But I suppose I'll have to go to sleep instead."
Merry groaned and Pippin laughed. Merry really had to start paying more attention to what he was saying.
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