MARRIAGE BLUES
Stupid Questions
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia..... why don't you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:- Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in
Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping....
you dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ............it was a
piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!
MARRIAGE BLUES
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.!
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're real lucky, mine's still alive."
Husband : U know dear, our son got his brain from me.
Wife : I think he did, I've still got mine with me!
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go on our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker.
Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.
She ran after the garbage truck yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
"No, jump in!" said the truck driver.
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied : "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
One day a father called his 6 children together and asked, "Now tell me, who has been most obedient during last week and did everything mother asked?"
In one voice they all replied, "You, Daddy!"
One day the hubby got suspicious and asked, "Tell me the truth, dear.
Is this third child really mine?" "Yes, dear," replied the wife, "but the other two are not."
A husband said to his wife, "Your mother has been living with us for 5 years now. Isn't it time she got herself her own apartment?"
"My mother?" said the shocked wife, "I thought she was your mother."
Man at 86 who marries a girl of 25 is like buying a best-seller for others to read.