Banta singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied "Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought ... and atlast I wrote THUNK !!!"
You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:
Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants
to makeup his mind.
Gets stabbed in a shoot out.
Sends a fax with a postage
stamp on it.
Tries to drown a fish in waters.
Thinks socialism means
partying.
Trips over a cordless phone.
Takes a ruler to bed to
see how long he slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says"Sign
Here" he puts "Sagittarius."
Studies for a blood test and fails.
Sells the car for
gas money.
Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said,
"Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
Gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie? Because below 18
was not allowed.
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a
joke on Wednesday.
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands
tightly over his ears? Trying to hold on to a thought.
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it
off a cliff.
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand
grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you call a sardar who drinks only
beer? Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.(Again, T silent)
Why do Sardars always smile during lightning
storms? They think their picture is being taken.
Why can't Sardar dial 911? They can not find
the eleven on the phone
How do you get Sardar on the roof? Tell him the drinks
are on the house.
"Oh, look at the dead bird." Sardar looked skyward and
said "Where, Where?
What do smart Sardars and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?"asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home."
SPARE BOMB
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh got fed up with
the Indian Govt and decided to blow up the
parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a
suitcase in the front seat of their car and set
off. Hari Singh asks "What happens if the bombs
blast off now". Gani Singh says "Don't worry. I
have a spare bomb in the back seat"
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward each other on a country road. Hari Singh carried a burlap bag over his shoulder. "Hey Bhai," Gani Singh drawled, "what's in the bag?" "Chickens," was the reply. "If I guess how many, can I have one?" "You can have both of them." "OK, Five?"
Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man, "Excuse me, but why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?" The man says, "Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can let you go under there and find out. He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, Okay." The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling "87, 87, 87"...
EMPLOYMENT?
Our sardarji was filling up an application form
for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled
NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column
Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to
be filled there. After much thought he wrote :Yes
AT INDO-PAK WAR
Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was
fighting fiercely and capturing everything in
sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was
crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it
contained all the defence secrets. The pakistani
forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had
thought that they had lost the battle but,
suddenly out of the bushes jumps Cptn. Hari Singh
wearing a Maachar dani! (mosquito net) He Pulls
out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The
pakistanis run off quickly. The next day Hari
Singh gets a medal.His freinds ask him "Yaar thu
maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh
replies "Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki
agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se
ghussenghi? In the following war Hari Singh
retires and his son Gani Singh (No Assumptions
Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again
surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again
think they've lost the war but out of the bushes
erupts Gani Singh wearning nothing he tries do
shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but
instead gets shot.In the hospital his friends tell
him "aare yaar, therre bap me to itni akal thi ki
vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga
chale gaya" Gani Singh replies "aare yaar main
thoodomos lage ke gaya tha"!
HEIGHTS OF REVENGE
Talking about those days when there were no
mosquito repellents and wehad to spend sleepless
nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same
every time he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes
and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn,
guooonn." He getsvery irritated. He tries to
cover his ear but the problem remains persistent.
Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in
his hand.He is very kind and not for the blood
shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as
he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja
machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds
the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his
hands. So he goes near it and says
"Guoooonnnnn,guoooonnnnn."
DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh
landed up in Bombay.
They managed to get into a double- decker bus.
Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat,
But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top.
After a while when the rush is over, Santa went
upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta
in a bad condition clutching the seats in front
with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are
Banta Singh! What the heck's goin' on? Why are
you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there
?" Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got
a driver.
CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR
sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a
air-india plane. He was alloted the middle seat
of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the
sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window
side seat which was actually for an old lady.After
some time the old lady came and requested the
sardarji to leave the side seat. But the Sardaji
told: "I want to see the view from the window and
shall not leave". The old lady then complained to
the air hostess. The air hostess came and
requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But
sardarji was adament and did not to leave. Then
the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He
also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the
Captain came. He whispered something in the ears
of the Sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left
theside seat and returned to the middle seat.
Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. capt.
asked the capt.what he told to the Sardarji Capt.
replied: "nothing. I just told him that only the
middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go
to Jalandhar."
Santa Singh was shifting his residence. He was packing his belongings. By midnight hewas too tired and dozed off with the house door open. A sound woke him up. A thief was packing valuables. Banta Singh found it very amusing; the thief was doing the job for him! "When this smart guy finishes packing, I will catch him". Banta was a hefty guy; so when the burglar finished packing, Banta Singh jumped on him and tied him up. Then he went to the police station and reported the matter. "What did you do to the thief"? "I tied his hands; you come and collect him". "I hope you tied his legs too". Banta Singh felt a cold feeling in his spine; he had forgotten about the legs. He sat down for a while. Then he cheered up and said, "Inspector Sab, the thief, he will still be there". "How do you know"? "Well, that fellow is also a Sardarji".
KHALISTAN JOKES
Khalistan National Drink: Sarbat Khalsa.
Khalistan National Bird: Tandoori Chicken.
International Airline: Kitthe Pacific.National
Airline: Itthe Pacific.
National Anthem: Sten-a gun-a man-aNational Taxi
Service: Kar Seva.
National song: Bande marte hum.Female terrorist:
Hard Kaur.
National dish: AKALI-DAAL.Sikh scuba diver:
JULL-UNDER SINGH.
Better adapted sikh diver: JULLUNDER SINGH GILL.
PROFESSOR SARDAR
Sardar Singh was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He
was in search of a subject on which no one did any
research before! As he was thinking over it, he
found a cockroach on the table in from of him. He
decided instantly to do a research on the roach.
He picked the roach and put it in the centre of
the table and said: "Run". The roach ran. He
pulled out one leg of the roach, put it again in
the centre of the table and said: "Run". The
roach ran. He pulled one more leg of the roach,
put it again in the centre of the table and said:
"Run". The roach ran. This way the roach tried
to run even when it had just one leg. He pulled
last leg of the roach, put it again in the centre
of the table and said: Run". The roach could
not! Our Professor was satisfied with his study
and started writing his thesis: "When you pull
out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear any more".
COLOR TV
Sardarji is buying a TV."Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure." "Give me a green one, please."
CROCODILE BOOTS
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you
bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off
to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is
being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and
watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the
reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims"71st and
again bare feet!"
LONG FLIGHT Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" " Just a sec," comes an answer "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up!
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway
station. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take
this train to Ludhiana?" "No," answers the
Railway man. "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
Here is the unpublished paper for PEMEE (Punjab
Engineering and Medical Entrance Examination)
-PUNJAB ENGINEERING & MEDICAL ENTRANCE EXAM-
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu ?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian
Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social
conditions
-OR-
give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to (a) build
a bridge (b)sail the ocean (c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e)
Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0
meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12
and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given?
(approximately)
8. What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners
9. Spell- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar
,the last one being Akbar the Sixth. Name
the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from? (a) Macy's (b) a
7-11 (c) Canada (d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of
Relativity? (a) yes (b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the National Anthem
for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic
Equilibrium
-OR-
spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story
building located?
17. Which part of India produces the most
oranges? (a)Gujarat (b) Russia (c) Canada
(d) Pakistan
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many
apples do you have?
19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?
20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for
efficiency began when (approximately)? (a)
B.C. (b) A.D. (c) still waiting
You must answer at least three questions correctly to
qualify.
Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at an MNC office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager.Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy".Santa: "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong." Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer.And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"