Santa Singh and Banta Singh were discussing how they would like to die. Santa said, "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep. I don't want to die screaming like some of his friends, who also died at the same time." Banta asked, "How did his friends die screaming while your grandfather died sleeping peacefully?" Santa Singh replied, "His friends were the passengers in the car he was driving."
Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything. So the other asked,"Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test" Second one asked,"So? Are you afraid?" First one replied,"No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this the second one started crying.The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied,"I have come for my urine test."
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Pat came the reply, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.
Once, a Madrasi, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes. First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Madrasi removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out. Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Madrasi who said - " May that ganapathi help you". Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster" Saying so, he letgo of his turban.
Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in hospital after he lost his arm in an accident. Banta was visiting him in the hospital. Banta: "It was really bad that you lost your hand. However thank Wahe Guru that it was your left hand, since you are right handed." Santa: "It is also because of my quick thinking. Actually it was the right hand which was going to be caught in the machine. Then I realised that I am right handed and so switched hands just in time!
Sardar Banta Singh is waiting for a DTC bus on a New Delhi bus stop, he is musing over something that has bothered him for quite a while ... why does everyone make fun of us Sardars. It is so unfair. He stops a Taxi Driver Surdar and asks him the same Question, the two of them then stop an Auto Rickshaw Surd. The Question spreads like wild fire. In a Day ... Surds all over India want to know why does everyone make fun of us Sardars. They think over it and think over it, but no one can come up with a reasonable answer. A meeting is convened at the Jawaharlal Nehru Stadium where all the Intelligent Surds are invited. After an day long debate no concrete answer. Then they decide to send Banta Singh to London to look for the right answer. Banta leaves the Next Day. On arriving at Heathrow, Banta wastes no time in his search. He asks the first Gora He sees. why does everyone make fun of us Sardars.The Gora says to Banta. "Look it's very Simple, if you can answer a simple question I ask you you'll prove to me that this whole thing is just propaganda against your people by a jealous faction, but if you cant! Then you guys deserve to be a laughing stock of everyone." Banta feels his skin tingle as he says ..."Okay What is Question" "There are Three People in My family" the foreigner Explains, "The first is my Lovely Daughter Mary Anne, The Second is my Beautiful wife Sylvia. Who is that Third Person in My Family"? Banta Spews out these Answers as the Gora Keeps shaking his head.... ... "May be your dad" ... "or else may be your mom" ... "Maybe you have a Dog" ... "May be you have a cat" ... "Aunt" ... "Uncle" "Grand father" "Give up"! asks the foreigner. Banta Nods his head in defeat. "Mr. Singh, I am the third person in my Family. Now go back to India and give this knowledge to your people. If they can't answer this simple question. Tell them they are getting what they deserve" Two days later, Banta is at Center Stage (JNS) with mike in hand. He repeats the same question. "There are three people in my house. One is my daughter, the other my wife. Who is the third one ? Banta Smiles as his fellow Sardars try to answer this brain Teaser... "May be your mother" ... "Maybe you have a Dog" ... "Aunty" ... "May be your dad" ... "etc" ... "etc" 80,000 Sardars cant answer a simple question, it's time I tell them Banta Thinks. He raises his hand, the Sardars are quiet. "Give up" He asks "Give up" the Entire Stadium Replies. "The third one is " Banta screams into the microphone "that foreigner" as he points towards London.
There were these three guys, a surd, an Italian, and a Jewish guy.They all worked together at a factory. Everyday they notice that theirboss leaves work a little early. So one day they meet together and say that today when the bossleaves, they'll all leave early too. The boss left and so did they. TheJewish guy goes home and goes to rest so he can get an early start. TheItalian guy goes home and cooks dinner. Our Banta goes home and walks to his bedroom.... He opens the door slowly and sees his wife in bed with his boss..! He shuts the door and hurries out of the house! The next day the Italian and Jewish guys are talking and plan to go home early again. They ask Banta if he wants to leave early againand he says,"no." They ask him why not and he says, "because yesterday I almost got caught."
A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes!After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"
Suicidal Sardar An American, an Italian and a Surd were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building... They were eating lunch and the American said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Italian opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Pasta again! If I get pasta one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The Surd opened his lunch and said, "Paratha and dal again. If I get paratha and daal one more time I'm jumping too." Next day - The American opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Italian opens his lunch, sees pasta and jumps The Surd opens his lunch, sees paratha and daal and jumps to his death also... At the funeral..... The American's wife is weeping...She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef & cabbage, I never would have given it to him again! The Italian's wife also weeps and says " I could have given him pizza or lasagna! I didn't realize he hated pasta so much." Everyone turned and stared at the Surd's wife... "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch!"
Mr. Jaswanth singh went to a grocery stores collected the grocery and came to the counter and person at the counter started preparing bill for the items. Singh asked " Where is the fat ?" , person didn't understand what singh was saying and said " Excuse me sir, FAT???" Sardar : "Yes Fat, Give me the fat" Sardar started shouting and arguing with the person and all people gathered and Manager of that grocery stores came there and asked sardar about the problem. Then sardar said, Hey Manager! Look, I took a yogurt from your stores and it was written "FAT FREE" on that but this guy is not giving me the fat.
In a party one of Zail Singh's friends asked him How many chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach. Zail replied "Seven". Then his friend told him "When U eat the first chappathi your stomach is no longer empty .Then how can U eat seven ??". Zail was impressed by this tricky question. So as soon as he went back home he asked his wife " How many chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach ??". She replied "Five". Then Zail told " Shit!! If only you had told seven I had a nice reply for it"
A number of Indians were discussing who the most Patriotic Indian citizen was. Some said they always saluted the National flag wherever were and hence were the most patriotic. Others said that whenever they heard the national anthem being sung, howsoever faintly, they immediately stood at attention. Likewise everyone was boasting about how patriotic he/she was. A Sardarji from Punjab was keeping mum while the discussion happened. Everybody asked him why he was so quiet. Some even remarked that the Sardarji was not a true patriot and hence had nothing to say. Hearing this the Sardarji immediately flew into a rage. "I have kept quiet till now only because I was felt like crying on hearing your foolish talk about patriotism. How does it benefit the Nation if you salute the Flag or do stand at attention on hearing the national anthem? A true patriot should be like me. 365 days, 24 hours my radio set is tuned to Pakistan Radio at full volume". "But how is that a patriotic act?" someone asked. The Sardarji said, "Arrey you don't understand. If nothing else we can at least harm the Pakistanis by consuming as much of their electricity as possible".
A sardarji joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone,"Abey saale! Get me a coffee quickly!" The voice from the other side responded,"You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?" "No", replied the trainee. "It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The sardarji shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?" "No.", replied the Managing Director. "Good!", replied the sardarji and put down the phone!
Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics. They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the Cricket life in the heaven. Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him. He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there. "So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?" Santa replied, "Hey Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night match here in heaven. And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tommorrow's match!
One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in burma bazaar. His tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price. Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two.
Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states.They start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream the runway is ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending...". The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again... This goes on again and again. ... During their fourth descent the pilot says : "Look at those stupid Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short runaway..", ""I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made it....""
A sardarji once took an answering machine home in Punjab and disconnected it within a couple of days because he was getting complaints from his relatives like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai kighar pe nahin hai"
Santa Singh had his 4th child. He fills the data in the birth-certificate: Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Baby: Chinese. "How come you're writing 'Chinese' when both parents are Sikh?", asks the doctor. Santa Singh replies, "I have read in a newspaper, that every 4th person born onthe earth now is Chinese."
A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps Hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot Things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
He will compare it with the original for
spelling mistakes !!
What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional
white sheet of paper ? He already has one and he
wants one more..)
He takes a photcopy of the white
paper !!!
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs, " he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed His hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave,"he replied.