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Girlfriend 2: Old Yeller - "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a b****! Can't you see you're making me miserable?!"
Also known as: She-Devil
Advantages: Pays attention to you, has impressive lungs
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws large objects; rarely misses
Girlfriend 3: Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite."
Also known as: Grumpy
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious
Girlfriend 4 : The Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."
Also known as: Yes Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
Girlfriend 5: Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?"
Also known as: The Fretter
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed
Girlfriend 6 : Party Girl - "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk and make love on the front lawn, don't worry I've done it before."
Also known as: Wild Woman out of Control
Advantages: More fun than you can imagine.
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs
Girlfriend 7 : Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at."
Also known as: No Fun
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends
Girlfriend 8 : Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship."
Also known as: Loony
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud.
Girlfriend 9 : Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love now!"
Also known as: Ms. Right
Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.