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Rate Your Hangover---Joke
1 star hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last
night was a mere disco nap which is giving you whole
lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to
function relatively well. However, you are still
parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this
way. You are craving a steak bomb and a side of gravy

2 star hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may
look okay but you have mental capacity of a staple
gun. The coffee you chug is only acerbating your
rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh
and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. Last night has
havoc on your bowels.

3 star hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are
definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you
gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin
shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the
bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better
right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts
and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3
Snapples and a liter of diet coke - yet you haven't
peed once.

4 star hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak
too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has
lambasted you for being late and has given you a
lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes,
but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so
crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put
your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your
look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you
look like a reject from the class picture of Revere
High, '76.

5 star hangover,(*****) aka "Dante's 4th Circle of

You have a second heartbeat in your head which is
actually annoying the employee who sits in the next
cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and
making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust
in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so
your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty
good right now. You definitely don't remember who you
were with, where you were, what you drank, and why
there is a stranger still sleeping in your bed at your

6 star hangover (******) otherwise known as the
"Infinite Nutsmacker".

You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2
seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool
feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your
vomit from 5 hours ago. It is amazing how your
roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow manages to
get up before you the next morning....You try to lift
your head. Not an option. It is when you turn your
head too quickly only to smell the funk of 13 packs of
cigarettes in your hair, and suddenly you realize you
were smoking, but not ultra lights...some jackass
handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like it
was your second full time job. You look in the mirror
only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock"
faintly atop your forehead......that explains the
stamp on the back of your hand that has magically
appeared on your forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You
have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32
seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is
your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers.
2007-04-17 19:19:25 GMT

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