pure love
I was born in a tight and rich family. The most amazing and wonderful family for me. They gave me everythings that I need. The most important is, they gave me their love for me, they hugged me when need them, gave me spirit everytime and everywhere, they made me happy and not gave up with my condition They made me did something that I never thought that I could do it. They made me smile. hey made me know "what is life." Just like a pen which drawn something on a piece of paper, made it colourful with the colourpencils, made an excellent picture on it. That's what my family did to me.Everyday I was feeling happy, until ......... one of my happiness has been taken by God. My precious thing! the person who I loved very much. he is my brother. He passed away .... I killed him.... in that moment... the most crucial moment in my life.... I was the only one who should die... not him ... it is an almost dying situation for me.. but my brother... he protected me. he protected me till the end of his life. Why it should be him? Why God didn't just let me die.. ? I ... k-i-l-l him. I always hope that it was only a nightmare... but.. I couldn't do anything.. it's the truth. It all are the truth. When a truck passed through his head is the truth. When I saw him for the last time on the road is the truth. When he screamed my name is.. the.. t-r-u-t-h.. and when his head broke, his brain was spreading out with the blood everywhere is also the..........truth.I couldn't control myself, I wanted to cry but I can't. I can't do something because of my condition. I wanted to hug my brother!!! when my parents came and picked me up, they all were crying. If only I have ability to cry... I WILL do it...... I said in my heart "Rest in peace.. My lovely brother... I loved you so much.."
I tried to forget the accident. day by day went from my life. I passed the day without smiles, even a small smile. for a long timw I did the same thing like this till I forgot the accident. My smile was coming back. but unfortunetly, God took another happiness that I have in the 5th day. God took my father. dad died suddenly because of seeing my diagnose result. he got a heart attack. and the reason is my diagnose result... the reason is ME!! I kiiled my brother already and now I KILLED MY FATHER!!! GOD!!! why did you take them from me?! is it not enough to take my brother??!
I spent my day with my mother and sister only. they loved me so much. they took care of me. they made me spirit adn comfortable. but, because dad's gone. my family's economic was decreasing. Only to buy the rice, we couldn't and I know that I'm the troublemaker... I gave up..
I tried to learn how to write. I wrote "a" and these alphabets "s-p-l-a-e-i-l-k-l-e-m-i-m-g-v-e-e-e-a-n-i-a-s-h-u-t-a" I tried to wite a sentence by those aplhabets. when I've done to write a word which was "kill" I wanted to show it to my mom, there is an accident with my sister, she fell down fron upstair to the downstair, it is because she wanted to remind me that there is something slippery. She .. passed away. Again and again.. I killed someone.
That accident made me feel so upset. I killed 3 person. and they are all my family.. and I couldn't do anything ... I wanted to be able to write !! no matter how!! I tried hard to write . I tried to write 2 sentences and I need 4 months to do it because the stroke that I have. I only able to think correctly, not talk, not move. Finally, I could write it. I wrote it on a piece of paper and wanted to tell my mom in my birthday, 2 days ahead.
One day left, I gave my best smile to my mom. She looked so happy. till in my birthday, she made a cake for me. I saw it and thought that it must be so delicious. she lighted the candles and asked me to blow it. I tried as hard as I can, but you know the fact. I couldn't do it. when she took the knife to cut the cake I gave the letter to her. It was the arrangement of the alphabets that I wrote before "please kill me. Give me euthanasia." Euthanasia means the died injection. It's better for me to get it rather than to make my mom sad. But, after she read it, I saw the knife has been digged to my mother's stomach. she cried and fell down...... with the blood...All of them has gone... I couldn't do anything.. I just could see it from my wheelchair and now I'm waiting my time.... I wait my time to die itill it is coming....
