The Aftermath...
Surviving Sexual Assault

How To Help

When a survivor tells you she was sexually abused, she is entrusting you with a part of her life that is painful, frightening, and vulnerable. These guidelines can help you honor that trust and help her healing:

• Believe the survivor. Even if her memories are unclear or too terrible to believe, believe her.
• Join with the survivor in validating the damage. All abuse is harmful. Even if it's not violent,
• Be clear that abuse is never the child's fault. Children ask for attention and affection. They do not ask for sexual abuse. Even if a child responds sexually, wasn't forced or did not protest, it is still never the child's fault. It is always the responsibility of the adult not to be sexual with a child.
• Educate yourself about sexual abuse and the healing process.
• Don't sympathize with the abuser. The survivor needs your total loyalty.
• Validate the survivor's feelings of anger, pain, and fear. These are natural, healthy responses to abuse. She needs to feel them, express them, and be heard.
• Express your feeling. If you have feelings of outrage, sympathy, or pain, share them. Just make sure they don't overshadow the survivor's feelings.
• Respect the time and space it takes to heal. Healing is a slow process with lots of ups and downs. It can't be hurried.
• Encourage the survivor to get help. You can't be her only supporter.
• Get help if the survivor's suicidal. Don't hesitate or try to deal with it alone. Get professional help. If you don't know who else to call, ask the operator for the number for suicide prevention.
• Accept that there will probably be changes in your relationship as the survivor heals.
• Resist seeing the survivor as a victim. Continue to see her as a strong, courageous woman struggling to resolve a major trauma.

 --Obtained from "Beginning to Heal" By Ellen Bass and Laura Davis
Posted with permission of the Central Minnesota Sexual Assault Center