Adyan Durrani

"You must be ready to give up even the most attractive ideas when experiment shows them to be wrong."- Alessandro Volta

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Sleepyness

I fell asleep in school :/ 22 May 2024
adyan being sleepy

Hello reader!!
Yesterday, I fell asleep in school... I'm not normaly one to fall asleep just randomly but yesterday - I was too tired. IDK why I'm talking about this like its a big deal. People fall asleep in school all the time I know a guy with the nickname 'Sleepy Joe'. (I made the nickname and like 5 people actually use it - I'm pretty much a trend setter). But I think i was tired because I went to sleep at like 4am the night before then had to wake up at 7 am for school. 3 hours of sleep.
But the thing Is even when i get a good nights sleep - like going to bed at 10pm - I still feel tired. This sleepyness is just a trait that i have that i cant get rid of. I'm always sleepy. I'm unsure as to where it came from though. My mom says it's because im not taking my vitamins, but even when I do take them Im still sleepy! I could just be the school air which I know just hits different. Or it could me my overreliance on nap taking.
Most days (9 out of 10 times) when I come back from school I take a nap. I try to keep it for like only 20 minutes but that really never happens. Its always me saying "Just one more minute" then geniunely falling asleep until dinner time. So thats from like 17:00 to 20:00 on some days. Which is CRAZY 3 hour nap... I get that much at night sometimes... I have a friend who, even if he's super duper tired, just rawdogs it and doesnt take a nap becuase he knows it'll fuck up his sleep schedual. Which like okay you can't blame him. But that weird right?? like literaly forcing his eyes open just so he get a good nights sleep. IDK seems a bit strange to me.
ANYWAYS, Ive only really ever fallen asleep during year 11 geography lessons before but thats been like "I don't want to be here imma sleep instead". But yesterday it was like "It's noce and cozy in here and its getting hard to open my eyes let me take a little snooze here".

First Post!!!

First Blog Post, 19 May 2024
adyan and female adyan

Hello to whoever is reading this (probably me in like a months time)
My name is Adyan and i like to make stuff. You can find out more about me on the "About me'" tab above, duh. On this blog thing i want to talk about things that I find interesting in the world, wheather it be electronics, music, gender, religion, politics, I am willing to talk about almost anything. Oh I'll try to put a song at the bottom and picture at the top of each post so you guys get how im feeling while writing that post.
If you've come across this website before, which I doubt you have, you may have noticed a little bit of a redesign! (I got bored and had nothing else to do) Also big up w3schools for like all the code. But anyway... on to todays topic:

What people think of you

They always say to "not care what people think" and to just do whatever you want. But that's really hard. For me, I don't think I care about what other people think about me but I actually do. I have a feeling that like everyone at school thinks that I'm gay. Probably because I'm a bit fruity and dress a bit strange. Like if I saw Adyan walking down the street with his shirt tucked into his high-waisted jeans I would think "Yup, that's a gay man". But he might not be. And I think that's where we go wrong as people, making assumptions about people that we don't know. I mean sometimes it's a good thing, like someone walking up to you at night with a knife - you'd assume that they're dangerous, but you don't actually know if they are. What if they're a chef that is just a bit lost, You never know the full story.

Back to my point, It's impossible to not think about people judging you because you judge other people. I know someone who appears to not give a shit about anything - How does he do that?? posting stuff on his Instagram story that would probably make people laugh at him. He's just the same beast but a different animal and I respect that. But overcoming the fear of judgement Is something that I find really hard. How can I be myself without people making fun of me? I found my own answer to this question but I don't think it's the most healthy. I've created a new person. Like a little virtual Adyan. Her name isn't Adyan, and I won't tell you her name because then you guys might find her. She's got her own little Snapchat account and she interacts with strangers she meets online and my friends as a separate entity from me altogether. Some of my friends know that she's me but most think she's my cousin. The great thing is that my friends who know she's me play along with it as if she's real. Interacting with her and me separately.

She's like the person I aspire to be, she's funny, charismatic, female, and confident she likes everything I like but it's cooler because she can express her interests without fear of other people. But in no way can this be good for my mental health. I mean I've created 2 adyans that share one body. It's crazy. Sometimes I'm her and sometimes I'm me. It affects me in real life too sometimes. I act like her when I'm speaking with groups of girls because she is one of them I sort of slot in. But sometimes when I'm speaking to my guy friends I accidentally go girl mode, my vocab changes, my mannerisms change, and my personality changes to match fake Adyan. It's really weird It's like I've got two people living up there. I'll probably come back to this post in like 2 years time with a mental diagnosis or something but oh well. Life moves on.

Sorry if I got too deep or personal in this one. I don't think anybody will see this so it's kinda just like a diary at this point.

But umm if you've got any questions or if you're a person that actually found this website just randomly please do email me. I need people to talk to :3.

Thanks for reading - (Original) Adyan

 

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