ADRIAN EDMONDSON ---------- Vyvyan Bastard

NIGEL PLANER ---------- Neil

CHRISTOPHER RYAN ----------- Mike

ALEXEI SAYLE

MIKE: Rick, you've been looking out of that window for three hours now.  

RICK: Yes, well it's hardly surprising, is it? Vyvyan put super glue all over the pane! 

 VYVYAN: [Reading comic on the couch] Did I? That was a good joke!  

RICK: I'll probably be disfigured for life, Vyvyan, and you'll have to pay! Ha! And then who will be laughing, ha! [snort] Not you, matey. That's for sure!  

MIKE: Yeah, well just don't break the glass when you tear your face off, that's all.  

RICK: I won't. I won't because... [quickly moves away from window] it's not true! It was a joke I made up, and you fell for it like the fascists you are! God, I'm bored! I might as well be listening to Genesis! [Walks to drawing room] Marrow...  Meringue...  Boomerang...  Long blue boomerang...  

VYVYAN: Oh, shut up!  

RICK: I'm trying to free form!  

VYVYAN: I'm trying to read!  

RICK: OH, REALLY! I learned how to do that years ago! [snort] And what is it you're reading, Vyvyan? A bit of Pretarkian verse, is it? Little bit of French drama?  

VYVYAN: It's called, 'SS Death Camp Criminal Battalion go to Monte Casino for the Massacre'.

    
Rick: "There's nothing poofy about a man wanting to love his fellow man - It's just when they start touching each others' bottoms...." 

Vyv: "I put it (serum that turns you into an axe-wielding homicidal maniac) in a Coke can so nobody'd drink it by mistake."
Neil: "You know, I just bet that a bit later on someone does drink that and turns into an axe-wielding homocidal maniac."
Rick: "Yes, I bet that as well. That's just the sort of crazy imaginative thing that happens around here."

Mr. Balowski: "Ah, Coca-Cola, symbol of free West!"

Rick: "There's no one in here, Mr. Balowski! We're all holograms !"

Neil: "Oh, well, out of one frying pan, into another frying pan."

Neil: It was getting really hot. Then I thought, oh no, I should have put out that sociology file that was burning on Ricks bed.

Vyvyan: Yeah, I did that. Trying to make Rick think I was hiding in his bedroom.

Neil: What? You set fire to Rick's bedroom? I think that's a very selfish thing to do Vyvyan. I was hiding in there - you could have given me away!

VYVYAN: [looking at window] Five past eleven and it's still raining. I wonder how hard it is?  

RICK: I think it's probably not very hard seeing how it's only made of water!

VYVYAN: Yeah, where's the bloody vindaloo, hippie? You said you were going to the shops two hours ago

VYVYAN: I'm starving, you bastard! 

RICK: [enters room] Yes, so you keep saying, Hitler! Well, why don't you put your money where your mouth is and go to the shops yourself?  

NEIL: Yes, Vyvyan.  

VYVYAN: Because I don't want my forehead to rust!
   

RICK: That's just typical of you, Vyvyan! The house is under fifty feet of water and what do you do, build a submarine! [thinks] There's, um, no room for me in there, is there?  

VYVYAN: No!  

RICK: Good.  

VYVYAN: Of course there isn't any room in it for you! Why should there be any room in it for you? I want to see you drown! And If I want to see you drown, why should I build a submarine with room enough for you in it? Stupid! I'm not even taking S PG along!  

SPG: Is that right? We'll see about that, pally!  [SPG flies into the air and bites VYVYAN on the neck]  

VYVYAN: Bastard! [he falls onto his submarine, wrecking it]  

NEIL: Oh, wow. Vyvyan, man, you broke your own submarine!  [VYVYAN grabs SPG and starts pummelling him with the hammer]  

VYVYAN: You bastard! I've shown you a great deal of consideration over the years but THIS IS THE END OF THE LINE! YOU'RE GOING OUT TO PLAY WITH THE SHARKS! 

TRIVIA:

The Radio Times description says: "Disaster looms: in the last few days of a desperate government, riot spreads as the economy collapses and the threat of nuclear conflict grows. Despite this, the BBC screens the final of The Young Ones."

Complete Script to Flood-

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