let me try a list of reasons to eat.
1. If you don't finish everything on your plate somewhere in the world a starving child will be really upset
2. No one has ever said how many calories are in 1 peanut so if there are 50 nuts for a 1lb of weight then 25 in half pound and say 12 in a 1/4 then 6 = barley nothing so 3= air (i was never very good at math)
3. There are only a few legitimate reasons to eat cake like - Easter, Christmas, 4th July, Memorial day, my Birthday , my mom Birthday , My sis,bro,neice, nep,auntie,grandad or uncle's cousin once removed birthday. or wedding, funerals, births, divorce, accident & illness
4. Eating at restaurants is not allowed unless, your gas is off or your too tired to turn the gas on - your saving the universe by not using electricity, your trying to keep the economy moving by keeping cooks,cleaners waitress and cashier in jobs
5. Junk food is off the list unless it's Friday, Saturday ,or Monday or you got extra cash, or you got no money to spare (that what dollar menu's are for) If you neighbors son works in the store - if you feel like travelling or just to make a point (any point)
6. Snacking at home is forbidden unless, it's for the kids (even though they did not ask for it) or you just happen to see a lonely tub of ice cream, bag of chips, or box of cookies and felt genuinely sorry for it, or you bought them on a moment of madness but have to eat them now other wise it will be a waste of money and what kind of a person would you be then
7.You must not overeat at a buffet unless, they have more than 5 different desserts to try then it's only fair to try them all, or if they just bought out a new batch of fried chicken and the two thighs and leg you had previous could have been sitting there for more than 30 minutes under heated lamps and tasted different from the fresh ones that have just arrived.... or they have Savory rice Macaroni cheese, roast potato, fresh bread and 4 types of pasta and you just cannot decide on a starch... so you have a few. and finally you paid good money to eat all you want and by golly that's what yer gonna do
8. Your not suppose to eat excess food unless your fed up , tired angry, upset, happy, lonely , got company, feel pretty today, got a papercut, feel like a colds coming on, it's windy , raining, snowing, sunny or winter's starting , summer's ending or spring is begining or its fall
9. One should eat to stay healthy unless, your a couch potato then your licensed to eat what you want. or eating healthy makes you sick, so it's best to just eat or your too thin and need to gain weight or your to fat so it don't matter anymore or your inbetween so you might as well be fat because your not skinny. (it makes sense)
10. Do ya need a reason to eat?
I need to get my eyebrows done, I used to have this little Korean woman in the nail shop, she used to viciously tear the hair out doing the waxing thing, she would plop burning hot wax on to my skin and rub it in, (see what I mean) and if you said oooh she would blow a breath of chicken con chewed up gut, up your nose , but if you ignored the bile, it was probably quite a tasty meal.
There were times were when I actually doubled my fist , ready to slam her petite little self up onto the cutex shelf. She was rough and when you thought she had pulled every single hair from your brow, she would go back for more, it often felt like she was just trying to get one particular hair that had decided that he was staying, she would put more hot wax and you felt as if she was just taking off skin and she going back again for the veins, you'd scream "get off you bitch " but oh so silently.
The only reason I was able to stand all that was because my eyebrows used to look real nice after I wiped the tears from my blurred vision. I know that some use razors but unless I see their resume and signed references, I'm a little nervous, as one slip and I don't have a left eyelid. But worse than that is the fact that you don't know where that razor has been, possible scrapping off a large callous from the heels of a very professional but hardworking prostitute - I mean you just don't know - all that dead skin now being scratched into your eyebrows, you wake up the next morning looking like Frankenstein.
I could go back to the original tweezing process but when you haven't been doing that for while it's as if you have done something really really bad and there is no awful punishment available except the pulling out of a bunch of useless hairs, on your face, with the added evil that you do it to yourself, how cruel can you get.
I used to use Nair or Immac, now those boxes clearly state, Do Not use on eyebrows, so why the hell did we risk burning out the only pair of eye we are ever gonna be given, I remember putting on that cream and not moving from the mirror for fear that a drip might scorch my eyeballs, or maybe I'd forget and actually rub it into my eyes, I wouldn't even blink and as it started to burn, I would try and judge if it was just burning the hairs off or burning that it's complete, best let it burn some more, O.K. wipe it off now, I cannot take another second...dam still some hair left.
If this eyebrow business is becoming a problem, why don't I just loc it - it worked with my hair, but unless I want to look like a wilderbeast, I guess I better get the old tweezers out...ouch.
INDEX
Frankenstein = Monster with huge protruding eyebrow area
Tweezers = Metal instrument used to grab and pull out of their sockets, tiny, harmless hairs (also used for many other things, no batteries necessary)
Prostitute = Male or female person that figures that it's easy to make money selling their body to any old Tom, Dick or Harriet rather than getting an education or working at McDonalds
Nair/ Immac = Depilatory Creams
Depilatory Creams = Nair & Immac (O.k chemical creams that when placed on hair will disintegrate it, hair grows back as normal. Gungy, hairy, mess when complete - not suitable for pubic hair, that stung for a couple of days... so I'm told)
Chicken con chewed up gut = exactly as it sounds
Wilderbeast = Gawd blimey do I have to explain everything .. (actually I'm not that sure, a hairy beast kind of thing) - Marlene
