October 21, 2002
As I contemplate the latest blunder that I have stumbled into -- the latest in a seemingly never-ending series of blunders that constitutes My Life -- I thought of something I did about 6 months ago. I was hanging out on a street corner, and this car pulls up to the curb. The guy behind the wheel rolls down his window and yells out at me:
"HEY! Do you know how to get to Addison Street?"
I said: "Sure. You just go about 30 more blocks in the direction you're going, take a left at Oak Street, and you can't miss it."
"Thanks!" he said, smiling happily. He waved and took off down the road. Ace Backwords: helpful citizen; friend of all people.
A couple minutes later, I thought: "Hey, wait a minute. Thats Alderman Street down that way. Addison is actually about 30 blocks in the OTHER direction. Fukk!"
With the best intentions, trying to be helpful, I had totally fukked the guy up; sent him on a wild goose chase. And there was nothing I could do to rectify my mistake.
Its a cliche; "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions (as well as bad directions)." But isn't that the ultimate mind-fukk of it all? Even good intentions aren't enough. In fact, in a lot of ways, good intentions can be worse than someone who's just an outright fukker and knows it. Because as long as we THINK we're doing the right thing, we continue to blunder along in that direction.
I'm sure George W. Bush thinks he's operating under the best intentions by blundering into a war with Iraq. I'm sure he's not thinking: "I know, I'll launch us on the precipe of World War III, cause unimaginable suffering and destruction to countless milions of people, and lord over all creation as the Power Mad Dictactor of Planet Earth!! M-WAHH-HAH-HAH!!!" Maybe it works that way with Ming the Merciless and cartoon villians, and certainly with some of the power-mad despots that rule the land. But in most cases, I suspect they're really operating out of the Best Intentions. They probably THINK what they're doing is right. Just as I usually think what I'm doing is right (at least at the time).
Extreme self-righteousness has always been one of my Achille's Heels. Its usually what's launched me into one blunder after another. Maybe its a Christian thing; "Onward Christian soldiers," that bit.
If you can't even trust your good intentions, what CAN you trust?
Someone once told me; "Everything you know is WRONG!"
But what if even THATS wrong? Then where are you?