Seeker II
By 1996, at age 40, I had pretty much failed at everything I tried. After a lifetime of going around in circles, getting nowhere, in fact everything getting worse and worse every year, to the point where my life was finally reduced to nothing but pure zhit, I finally just gave up. It was at that point that I stumbled upon the books of Swami Muktananda. He taught the great path of Siddha Yoga. Muktnananda not only promised a taste of one's divinity, he delivered it. Much to my shock and surprise. After 40 years of nothing working, finally something that worked. He imparted the sacred mantra "Om namah Shivaya" and its still the only thing thats helped me. I can't tell you that I was Born Again and transformed into a great new being, but Muktananda's teachings were the first thing to put even the slightest dent into curbing the odious aspects of my personality.
But I wonder now after 6 years of study of Siddha Yoga, failed seeker that i still am, if I just found out about it a little too late. Because by 1996, I was already so drug-addled, perchance the damage to my mind and my soul had already been done. And the ship of my mind had done sailed, along with my fleeting chance for enlightenment or happiness or love or peace.
In my despair and agony and pain as a failed seeker, I can only appeal to God to the best of my abilities, to save me from life on this wretched earth; to rise me above the turmoil and sadness and tragedy of this "Hell Planet."
Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. May all the great Siddha saints living in Siddhaloka stand behind me and give me strength and protection. May You have mercy on me, Oh Lord. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya. Om namah Shivaya.
Om namah Shivaya.