"I walk around all day cuz I'm looking for stuff to sell at my vending table," I said, with rage and indignation. "Thats what I'M doing. What are YOU doing?"
"I'm just sitting here being a load on society," he said with a smirk. "And loving every second."
"Some people think its weird that I'm doing something while they're doing nothing," I sneered. And stomped off to my miserable life. I guess they no longer call them "sidewalks." They're now "side-sit-on-your-asses."
But he touched a raw nerve with me. Because theres something border-line insane about they way I walk back and forth -- BACK AND FORTH!!!! -- all day long. From nowhere to nowhere. Looking for something that isn't there. Looking for something that is almost NEVER there. I've reconciled myself that this fucking world just does not have to offer what I'm looking for. ANd yet, like Sisyphus endlessly pushing that rock up the mountain, I can't stop looking for it anyways. I've been cursed by the gods.
In between walking around I'll stop off at my post office box. Nothing. I'll come up to the campus and check my email. Lots of real groovy spam (are there really that many guys looking to buy viagra?). I'll sit at "my spot" on the corner of Cody's Books, smoking a cigarette and sort of leering at the people passing by. I'll get up, start walking again, every other block I'll spot somebody I don't want to see ("Oh God, HIM!" I'll groan, and dash across the street to the other side) (sometimes I zig zag back and forth 5 times within a 5 block radius)(I really am nuts).
Sometimes I'll stop and look throught the window at the television screen inside Ralieghs sports bar. "Is that what everybody is doing? Watching TV?" I can't plug into anything. I'm trapped in hell.