Why, my name is "Ace Backwords," what the hell is yours?
Fame in itself is worthless, of course. The guy who reads the weather on the TV news is famous. Fame doesn't mean anything. The only ones that count are the legends. ANd they probably don't count for anything either.
The saddest cases are the poor slobs who waste their whole lives working and slaving to become famous, thinking it'll make them happy or fill the emptiness in their souls. Of course they don't figure it out until its too late. The same old story; fame won't make you happy. And then they become famous for being such miserable fucks. So it all works out.
Fame won't make you happy. But then, almost nothing else in this life will make you happy, either. So what the hell.
Probably the only thing fame is good for is weird, bloody kicks. And theres a lot to be said for that, actually.
Then theres the bit: "My name will live on in the annals of history!!!!"
Yeah, like Sir Thomas Crapper, the inventer of the toilet. Here the poor guy invents this great invention for the uplift of all humanity, and all he's remembered for is the butt (geddit?) of a thousand punchlines.
Then theres the Earl of Sandwhich. Now, THATS pretty cool. I'd be PROUD to have a sandwhich named after me. "I'll have the Ace Backwords on rye, hold the sour grapes."
Or I'd be proud to have a weird sex act named after me. "Did you hear, Joe pulled an Ace Backwords! Yeah, he'll be hospitilized for several weeks."
The comedian George Carlin used to do a routine about how annoyed he was about all the famous people who are famous to some people but he's never heard of them. They're famous in some narrow sphere he doesn't know anything about. Like the guys that are really famous to everyone who watches a certain cable channel, but nobody else knows who the hell they are. Course I'm sure theres somebody out there wondering who the hell is George Carlin.
I'm sure theres somebody out there who is famous for being the greatest left-handed billiards player in Hungary. Amongst left-handed Hungarian billiards players the guy is a Super Star.
My problem is, I never watch TV or go to movies, but I always read newspapers and magazines. So I KNOW all the famous people, I just don't know what the hell they're famous FOR. The other day I was reading the cover story of the latest PEOPLE magazine. Jessica is very mad at Ken. I felt cheated somehow, like I should know all about who the hell Jessica and Ken are.
And then there are the people like Paris Hilton who are famous for being famous. Then, somebody writes a book about her and he becomes famous for THAT. SOmebody else comes along and does a documentary about him and becomes famous for being famous for being famous for being famous. And then, I write a website about it and...well, you get the picture. We have a terrible crisis on our hands. THeres simply too many famous people. We have a viritably log-jam of famous people. Everyday now, dozens of famous people die and theres just not enough space in the obitiuaries to cover them all.
When I first became aware of the Internet two years ago, my first reaction was: "Gee, maybe I can use this thing to increase my level of fame." SO you know I'M fucked. I had a landmark moment last week: There are now over 1,000 entries for "Ace Backwords" when I do a Google word-search for myself. Plus, anothe 250 for all the illiterate dunces who spell my name "Ace Backwards" with an "a." Which means I just need about 99,000 more entries to qualify as a bona fide Famous Person. And this website counts for one more entry, so I'm getting more famous by the minute while you're sitting there on your lazy, unfamous ass. Hah.
In th World Wide Webof the future, everyone will be famous for 15 kilobites.
