Robin Kelley

Okay, first I will say, the thing about Girth being selfish--true. The thing about him being difficult, nay, impossible to work with--also true. But he's not such a bad guy. Just misguided.

Here's the truth about Walter: I spent three years with him. When I found him, I thought he was great. But I started to have my doubts. The details are unimportant, but after about a year I realized he was having affairs. I don't know if he was carrying on with several women at once, or if he was with one, then broke it off and found another, but I know of at least four women he slept with while we were together. And yet, when he proposed, I accepted anyway. Why? It's just what you do, you settle down, or maybe you just settle. Who wants to be alone for the rest of their life?

I thought Walter could take care of me. Who cares if he's unfaithful? It's like the whole thing of, he has sexy kinks, so he fucks these women, because he gets turned on by the risk, and he can't get that with me unless we do it in public or something (which he asked and I WILL NOT DO). But at the end of the day, I'm the girl he comes home to. He lusts after other women, but he LOVES me. Or so I thought.

And then Girth strolled back into my life, after twelve years. Did I wonder what "might have been" if I'd risked it all and went to L.A. to find him? Yes, of course. Did I love him? Well, not at first. At first, when he came back, I thought he hadn't changed at all--same eccentric, egocentric jerk who had stood me up practically at the altar. Then I realized he was actually trying pretty hard to change, to settle down, to maybe be somebody I'd like to be with. But I couldn't--I was getting married in a few days!

Then his own fianc&eactue;e showed up out of the blue (I found out later he had done the same thing to her he had done to me--the old disappearing-at-the-altar act--but she had the guts to track him down), and I realized he really would never change. I thought it was smartest to keep my distance, so I did, but then something changed my mind. I ran into Girth in town one day, and he just...after standing outside my apartment for a few minutes (I wouldn't let him inside), he knew exactly what I needed: a new coffeemaker. At the time I was on my way to the Bankery to make a wedding cake withdrawal (hee!), and I overheard and old married couple. They knew each other so well--just that instinctive, "we've known each other forever and have that bond." That bond I don't have with Walter. But, even after twelve years, I have it with Girth.

It didn't matter--he was engaged, I was engaged, what could I do? Then I found out Walter and Margo had slept together. At first I was enraged at Girth, but I realized the real person I should be mad at was WALTER. As Girth said, "He's the one who stuck his dick in her." That was pretty much it for us, I guess. We had a rehearsal dinner, and at that time I called the whole thing off. Girth and Margo left the same night, and I finally got the courage to do what I should have done twelve years ago: I went after him. I knew he wanted me, not Margo. Or I thought I did...

I was wrong.

I met a man on that trip, though. We had a reasonable relationship, but eventually the distance got to us (he lived in Iowa, but about four or five hours one-way from C.R.). He was a damn sight better than Walter, though. Then again, who isn't?