Warden Vic Chalmers

Several months ago I received this e-mail from Master Tommy Janofsky of Miami, Florida:

   From:  tommy janofsky <[email protected]>
Subject:  about girth mcdurchstein
   Date:  December 11, 2006 13:11:42 PM CDT
     To:  Victor Chalmers <[email protected]>

warden:

i jes wandrin cuz i don'ts no 4 sho but i gots ta no cuz i gots dis website dat sez dis bad stuff about dis guy girth mcdurchstein so i wanders this: u eva heard a him?

accordin ta him he been in yo jail at deer lodge 4 2 years from aroun 1999 ta 2001. he sez he wuz convicted a killin 2 guyz but den evidence let im out in 2001 his conviction wuz overturned. but he spent dose two years in jail at deer lodge he sez.

his website sez he wuz jailed unda da name matthew phillips, prisoner numba 42F73. any help u give iz preciated.

signed,

tommy j.

I can answer this unequovically: no, I ain't never heard of no prisoner named Matthew Phillips, nor a prisoner 42F73 (in fact, our prison numbering don't even use such a scheme), nor nobody named Girth McDürchstein, until I got this here letter.

Now, I did some research after getting this e-mail. I looked at Abysmal Crucifix's website (notably this page), and I can tell you a couple of things about this:

1. Legally, we ain't allowed to censor outgoing mail. Incoming? Sure. Outgoing — nosiree.
2. Furthermore, we ain't got no people running around checking facts on our inmates. It ain't worth nobody's time to investigate people what already in our jails.
3. Our Department of Corrections letterhead didn't look nothing like that from 1999-2001, nor has it ever (to my knowledge).

According to some people, like Sharon Rexsmith of Hardchord Magazine or Tad Baker of Rolling Stone, the tapes for the never-released 'You Can Touch It for a Quarter' Sessions were actually stolen prior to Mr. McDürchstein's/Phillips's supposed incarceration. This contradicts what McDürchstein says all over his website, that Janofsky ran off with them tapes during McDürchstein's absence. I'd deduce from that that perhaps McDürchstein just needed some space to deal with a situation undoubtedly horrific to a musician on the precipice of real critical and commercial success. Not that I follow his music or nothing. I just researched it. At any rate, he probably ran off to Montana to stay away from anybody he knew down there in Hollywood, then he used the prison cover story to explain the postmark of his letters or any phone calls he might've made.

Could I say why he'd make up such an outrageous lie? I don't know him personal, but maybe he wanted to get some extra publicity or credibility. It ain't every day that some "badass" heavy-metal "star" gets tossed in the clink for rape and double-homicide. Or maybe he wanted to do something no rightly person would sympathize with, to make sure he didn't have no visitors. I ain't knowing these things for sure. Just speculating.

Anyway, this is just my 2¢ on a subject I don't know too much about. Janofsky asked, so I ain't one to ignore a question that's public information. Though I can't say I agree with his surprisingly legal actions in stealing them tapes and selling them on his own. Thanks for listening.