Well, Its about 6 weeks now i believe and i am smoking again, can't believe its this hard.  I have so much on my mind that I guess its truely harder when you do.

I finally got my tenant out of my house, but, he took off anyways and left me with no rent and my house in a mess.  I have to renovate the places where he damaged it, but, no money.  So that will be hard.... hummmm.... who said i was rich and i came into alot of money.... Idiots, they say things and don't know the truth.  Wish you had my life, hay go ahead. 

I miss my mom so much, its not easier today than it was 5 months ago, but, i guess with time, it will get better as i get better.  She was my best friend, you know, and its like losing part of life, sometimes i feel like its the end of the world and then there are times i can get up in the morning.  I know I am much stronger and certainly won't let anyone disrespect me or treat me unfairly again EVER.

I have alot of stuff inside i have to get rid of, and within more time, lots of time, is what i need to heal and repair broken hearts and everything especially TrusT.  Such an easy word to say, but, difficult to SAY AND FEEL AND HEAL Inside.

Anyways, I myself am I think, am going through pre-menopause, thats the age thing talking, my body and mind are ok, just a little tired.  But, I am working on that.

Anyways, again, thanks for letting me type out all of this crap its a healing tool for myself, like my diary.

Take care and Kiss And Cross.