Well, i thought i would wright a little bit today, its been awhile since I have.

I feel good today, i am trying to quit smoking and believe me its not easy.  I have the patch on, and i can't do it any other way.  I keep chewing on suckers, i will put the weight on, but, i would rather that than smoke anymore. 

The people i work with are very supportive. Which helps, since I have been very sick in the last two months.  I lost my voice, my ears were blocked all the time, so i couldn't hear very good, i pinched a nerve in my back, so I couldn't walk very good and i had an infection in my tooth so out it went.  Well, do you think that would be enough, no my mother passed away in July and so now i am trying very hard to come to terms, that she is not here anymore, and believe me its not easy.  All i want to do is call her and talk to her. 

 The pain and sadness i feel inside is so empty now, i just ask the good lord above to help me understand and realize that this is part of life.  I am the youngest out of (7)  UP () in brackets because they don't exist for me anymore, and i'm not sad about that at all.  And i always believed that Mommies lived forever.  I can't understand why god would take away my mommy, so to fully understand is to let go and believe that she is gone in body, but, in spirit she'll always be here.  But, its hard to let go of something that was your best friend, we had so much interests together, did alot together, I just want to cry but, i can't lately, i haven't been to her final resting place yet, i thought i would give her alot of time to catch up on things with my dad.  Yup, i lost him when i was 12.

Oh well, i feel as if i should be thankful you know, and which i am, just lost and sometimes i feel i can't find my way anymore without her. 

I am so grateful to the world, the sun, the moon, the flowers.  Just grateful for everything in life.  

Be happy within yourself and the outside will shine.

I love you Mom