Shadowed3

Christmas Comes to Ayenee!
We Here at the Shadowed Corner are a festive bunch, Granted Last year was a bit of an extravaganza... Noise complaints and property damage were VASTLY reduced this year thanks to the convenient "losing" of the invitations for the local Orcish Hordes (I swear I never thought they'd even be able to READ them, much less figure out the directions!) - But we always like to run an Extra-special Column for the Holiday season, keep those snowed in readers happy with what their stuck with and such.

Well, this year was obviously no exception, and the offices were packed! Granted, the search for a normal human hasn't made much headway throughout the holidays, but we hired a specialist to take care of that (see lower Column) - free from the search for until we ran out of booze, we had a grand time investigating all sorts of interesting things..

Upon drawing the short stick, our famed reporter Leonard Mcgrue SITLL hasn't returned from his assignment into the holiday rituals of the Demihuman tribes. Not to worry however! Sources have been consulted after the fact which lend a fascinating eye into these primitive creatures festivities. It seems that it's traditional for their gods to send an unwitting soft-skin into the middle of the village, lost and alone for their ritual feasts.. They are supposed to cook the captive alive, and eat it while the blood is still practically boiling inside it's own veins, though I am assured that our dear Leonard was not subjected to this fate. Reportedly he is far too scrawny to serve as an adequate meal for a single monster, much less an entire tribe...

On another note, in a freak Magical Accident, Our Mascot (Stuffed_Monkey), Despite a complete lack of a biology, the capacity to move, as well as purportedly being male, has given birth! Bizarrely enough, the birth apparently occured on Christmas Day, and a large number of dirty ruffians (including, but not limited to, three men who claimed to be kings, several shepards, and a cow). accosted us here at the office under some sort of mystical guidance which I believe to be a form of narcotic. They did help us in naming the unexpected stuffed toddler however, baby_stuffed_monkey_jesus is going to be a joy to have around!

The Festival Habits of Normal Humans In Ayenee:
It's a well known fact that Normal Humans are a rare breed these days, what with the Saiyan's and the demi-gods of evil just WAITING to tear them apart the moment they show their faces, yes indeed their a dying breed alright. Not like my day, back when they were so thick there were practically CITIES full of the squishy little things, you could practically walk from one end of the realm to the other on their heads without so much as thouching the ground there were so many...
But, um, er, yes, back in the day, Humans used to celebrate their festivals in the open, prancing about like a bunch of overly happy elves. Not so anymore, though, being one to watch their

Classifieds:
It seems that a large amount of Elves have recently entered the land, in accordance with the laws of supply and demand, Several vendors have opened up which now cater exclusively to Elven consumers. Of course, invited guests are always welcome to show up, though their admittance policies are understandably open to all sorts of customers.. Honestly, who but an elf would even WANT a pet squirrel? And the shoes.. Don't even get me started on the shoes, can even a human CHILD fit into those things? Regardless, look for Elven Boutique to open up in a Realm near you!

Sweedy Chef Rocks Ayenee!
I thought I was on to something really, the presence of actual food, not just some nameless alcoholic beverage (usually ending in "wyne") or found in the wild by some hunting beast, but actual meals being cooked up in Taverns! Who would eat them? Normal Humans need to eat of course, and so I thought the trail was hot...

A Bit too late however, as I soon found out when catching up to the trail of wholesome meals, a mysterious figure who refuses to speak in any intelligible language has been recently spotted in Taverns around Ayenee, cooking and serving up meals at random! It is unknown his motive at this point, though I suspect some insidious master goal is possessed by the Mustouched one which will only become apparent after he has all of us under his nose...

In the meantime however, you simply MUST try the Pastilla.

Slow fall from grace, I happen to know what those traditions have turned into. You see, when the holiday we now call Christmas was first begun, it was actually called "Beany" - and it was referred to as a verb, so the lil'uns would go off with their Beany's (they also happened to be an actual thing of course, it resembled a strap-on hamster tied around your lower left leg, I've forgotten what was wrong with the right leg, something involving lutganz, which was the word for "cool" at the time) and tell their parents "I'm gonna Beany, be back in a couple hours!" - now in the beginning, they would stay out all night in large parties called "zylock's" - but eventually that fell out of favor once the vampires started coming around. Now they just avoid the shadowed corners with thier beanies and try to act lutganz, they've brought back all the old words and use them in a complex code you see, so we'll all think their something special, and the average demi-god isn't going to slaughter them just for being normal humans. So you KNOW you've spotted one of the little buggers if you hear them spout one of these words..

In the mean time, I'm gonna go beany, it's been AGES since I've been to a good Zylock, though I shudder to think what passes for lutganz these days...

Congratulations are in order for Stuffed_Monkey, who, as noted above, recently gave birth to one Baby_Stuffed_Monkey_Jesus, And we're just so proud of the little guy, we had to run his face TWICE! Unfortuantely, we cannot provide a picture of the little kid, given a non-disclosure of photographs of staff members agreement which somehow made it into the agreement. And since Stuffed_Monkey is completely immobile, and thus cannot sign away permission to allow his child to be photographed. We're not even sure why we can Photograph the monkey...

Bizarre Celestial Formation occurs!
In the skies above Ayenee, many strange things have been happening recently, strange metallic objects have been reported falling through the atmosphere, while this is generally accepted as the after-effects of some mad Archmage's experiment, the more bizarre thinkers have begun to spread rumors of a massive invading force have manuevered metallic flying ships in the sky in order to invade Ayenee, and cleanse it of some sort of dangerous force...

Now, I know gentle reader, this might at first seem like pure poppycock, and I still believe it to be, but circumstances have changed recently, Ayenee Capital City has been disrupted by foreign troops of some unknown sort... These two are connected somehow my sources inform me, but, I must have the Truth! For this, I, Vespis Gabrieve, will be personally investigating the circumstances which now take Capital City by storm, and will present with you an answer to the burning questions you must all possess.