Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a squirrel? Stockpiling supplies all summer, packing on as many pounds as possible in the fall, and in the spring--official mating season! I have to say, that after a full three seasons, I'm ready to sleep through winter myself. Why not? It seems so much warmer when you don't know how fast your skin would freeze if you stepped outside. Plus, you could go everywhere NAKED! That in and of itself is a great advertisement to convert to Squirralianism: all the nudity, none of the chill or scandal. Not to mention the fact that you get to drive every dog in sight absolutely insane, simply by virtue of your being. Then again, maybe I think that's fun because I'm a girl.

All right, so maybe living in a hole in a tree wouldn't be that great, and the whole "middle of the food chain" thing would be kind of a drag. Still, I'd do it even if the only thing I got was a tail. SWISH-SWISH...how sweet would that be? Am I right?

~~Leandra

How is it that a person could be reaching one of the (supposedly many) pinnacles of his or her achievements as an individual and maturing adult, and yet feel as if everything around them has gone far beyond anyone's control, especially their own? Whatever happened to the "adventure" part of growing up? I don't mean to complain--oh, who am I kidding. Dang it, I want my road trip! I want to spend a year in Europe soaking up culture (since our own American variety is the Shock Tart to Europe's smorgasbord, and my tongue went numb years ago) and reclining next to the Seine or studying the heaths by Blarney Castle!

But no, we can't have that. Who would pay the bills? Who would open another vein to the college loan office? Gee whilikers, people, stop promising fabulous vacations for two! You don't intend to really give it to anyone, do you? I don't care about your free offer. I have a blender already, and don't use it. Let me out of your "special" book club! I don't want any of the wretchedly monstrous self-help manifestos you offer, because my life and time would be far better enriched by a trip to the arboretum or the library, where I don't have to turn reading into another act of consumerism.

Don't get me wrong: I'm all for the free market, as long as it remains free. But the moment a truly pure kind of pleasure becomes a matter of transaction, it is transformed into the realm of the mundane and commonplace. I feel obligated to read that book, because I spent money on it. It's mine, and now I have to put it somewhere. I have to care for it.

Well I say, beans to that! One of the most wonderful afternoons I've ever known involved a book I picked up sheerly on whim, didn't cost me a cent, and in fact, had someone else's thoughts written in the margin. I'm not advocating graffiti in library books, or your friend's favorite copy of Toto and the Red Hen, but instead of one mind to unlock, you have the author's and the person (or people) who read the book before you, doing just that. Many friends of mine bought new books in school because they were pretty and clean, and some bought used books because they were cheaper, or hoped to find a test or notes hidden somewhere inside. I bought used books because it was another insight into the mind of another person just like me, struggling through the same matters as I was.

There is a certain measure of comfort to be had in the company of another person, even if that person is not present physically, and the only thing you know about them is a name penned on the inside cover, and that their doodle of choice happens to be daffodils and German pansers.

~~Leandra

Now, I ask you....why make a product that crashes every four minutes, except to get people to buy the "newest" version that supposedly won't drop you? Oh, what's that called...that's right--EXTORTION.
"Why don't you just use the newest messenger service?"
The newest one crashes my whole computer, so of COURSE I don't want that.
"Oh, why don't you update your computer?" they ask.
Give me a new computer that can handle it, and I'll do so. Until then, fix the **** program. You obviously know how, because your other programs don't crash all the time.

But no, of course it can't work that way. Bah. One day I'll switch to ICQ...or...or MSN messenger, or Yahoo....I'm that desperate!

~~Leandra

What's the point of paying for an education when you don't have time to learn? I'm on the last legs of my schooling, mainly because attempting a Master's degree is pointless for me, and I look back and wonder--why the heck did I do all this? Sure, I learned some things....but mostly out of sheer necessity, struggling madly to make ends meet, working ungodly hours on too little sleep and far too much caffeine, simply because I have to keep a scholarship or make the dean's list. How ridiculous is that? I spend so much time desperately struggling to have something scribbled on paper to hand in that I don't spend time learning, I destroy my health, become a complete cynic, and convince myself and others that all professors take a required course in Sadism and Student Torture as a prereq. for getting a degree. I'm shocked I haven't taken up smoking.

On the other hand, I have taken up coffee....but then, I was hooked on that as soon as I could hold a sippy cup. Is it worth it? When I get out of here, and potential employers look at my resume, what will they see? That I graduated from a prestigious, academically-sound college? That I worked 3 jobs while doing so? That I was a cheerleader one semester? (No comments--I was young, I needed the polyester and embarrassment...or something. Honestly, it's why I'm so adamantly anti-peer pressure, even for good purposes. But that's for another rant.) No, they'll probably see my lack of experience or the fact that I took forever to get my resume together. Or worse, they'll assume that the views of my educational establishment necessarily reflect the ideas and views of its students, and turn me away immediately. What a joy it is, to be able to sue if you're female, non-caucasian, disabled, or enjoying an alternative lifestyle and refused from a job, while someone who thinks that lying under oath is a bad thing can't so much as dispute a thing. Then again....who's to say what views are acceptable and what views aren't? If we're going to protest on the grounds of physical differences, why couldn't we protest on the grounds of mental or emotional differences? Why, I ask you, couldn't I work for a company's Human Resources department if I'm a sociopath? Simply because I think differently doesn't mean I'm going to act on those thoughts..........right?

The whole issue is so confused and mangled, people shouting "Rights" on one side and the other side shouting "Preferences," each hearing the other as an unacceptable extreme. How silly. Can't they understand that the world can be a horrible place sometimes, and that striving for perfect fairness for everyone is simply impossible? There is no practical method for doling out the world's measure of fairness, wealth, and opportunity to everyone. Even if there was a way to do so--who would do it?

Let's face it, folks...griping about how the world has treated you unfairly will do nothing constructive. Even if you do something, keep in mind that at this point, you're most likely restricting someone else's opportunity. Don't condemn the "other side" for unfair generalization without taking a moment to think that you're about to do just that.

Irony, folks. You gotta love it.

~~Leandra

I don't ask for much. Honestly, a little courtesy shouldn't be that difficult, should it? And yet, I found myself on Good Friday morning, staring at a handwritten sign taped on the door of the office that was supposed to give me my monthly paycheck. "Because of the holiday, this office closed at 11:30." Why is this such a big deal, you might ask? Do I begrudge these ladies an afternoon of preparation for the coming holiday weekend? Absolutely not! You see, all offices were scheduled to close at noon, classes cancelled for the afternoon, etc., to accomodate those traveling home.

Why am I so irritated? I'm glad you asked! Because that half hour meant the difference between me being able to pay my bills this weekend and paying late fees because I had to wait three days to receive, budget, and distribute my hard-earned money. What if I'd needed that cash to buy a bus/plane ticket home? Why, I'd have been stuck in my room without money for food, all alone for three days, because everyone else had left. And you know, I'll bet those ladies in the office had no idea. What was an extra half hour to them? Perhaps they were busy, perhaps they weren't; that isn't the point.

The Point: They made a promise, no matter how cheesy this might sound, that they would be in that office until noon. They broke that promise.

The Related Point: Little things count. Don't assume that no one will mind if you don't hold the door open for the person coming behind you. It's the little things that distinguish the genteel from the cavemen, and it is the little things that make me furious, strangely enough. I'm tired of catching doors on my elbow, or being pushed forward in line because the person behind me thinks the gap between myself and the person in front of me is too wide. No matter how big or funny you think you are, it is never ok to deafen the person next to you by bellowing across the room to a chum. And believe it or not, you can't whisper quietly enough. Everyone around you knows what you're saying about the person you don't like who just walked into the room, especially when you point at them often.

The Related Sub-Point: There is something to be said for quiet decency and gentility. Most of it is positive; the negative is generally incoherently grunted and punctuated with gestures or trite phrases that will be replaced by the popular culture within a matter of weeks. Think of James Bond if you must. You'll never see him shout to his "homies" or brag about being the "shizit." Simply put, it's tolerable in junior high and in the earlier stages of high school, but after that, it is juvenile and indicative of cerebral trauma, especially the older the offender. Immature heads never won anything but severe beatings.

~~Leandra