Cosmopolitan
November 1997

Agot's Agenda

The girl-next-door grows up. Builds her own house and her own life with or without a man.

Agot Isidro is building her dream house. "It's small, just a little house on the alley, but it's mine," she announces proudly. "It's not a husband-and-wife house, it's my house," she says. She has decided to stop putting her life on hold and has gone ahead with her dream. "Since the husband-and-wife issue is far from getting real, tinuloy ko na rin. Eh, sa wala, eh, hahaha!" she laughs, mocking her current single-blessed state.

Her rollercoaster relationship with on-again, off-again boyfriend, action star Monsour del Rosario in the last two years has always made for hot gossip column copy and the subject of much speculation. "It's just bad timing," she explains. "We couldn't agree on when to settle down. We were both doing a lot of things, and we realized that maybe we were just pushing it because we were too comfortable with each other. Maybe we were just scared to take risks, to go out and explore the world." While she's not closed to the possibility of ending up with him, Agot says, "Basta, I'm doing the things I fell are good for me, at this moment."

Two years ago, Agot declared her independence, moved out of the family abode and started a life on her own. She threw herself headlong into work, concentrating on her TV shows SangLinggonAPOSila and Okidokidoc (fuelling rumors of a romance on the rebound with Aga Muhlach, which she has denied), mounted her second solo concert called "A Birthday Wish", and recorded a new album called Winds of Change featuring the song "I Feel So Strange", written by Eraserhead Ely Buendia (fuelling more rumors of another romance with him, also denied).

She also signed a three-picture contract with Star Cinema, a deal which includes "April, May, June", where Agot plays April, a philanderer's wife. "I'm the Hear-No-Evil, See-No-Evil type who later wakes up and realizes she has to do something about it. It's really a woman's movie," she says.

Agot says many Pinays will be able to relate to April. "It's sad, but I think they're getting smarter. There are more opportunities and jobs, so they don't have to be so dependent on their husbands anymore. It's an issue of self-worth." She also has a new mystery TV show called Okatokat, which with her other two shows occupy 80 percent of her time. She also just finished filming "Ipaglaban mo Part II," , where she plays a young lawyer.

Agot admits, though, that there are times when work isn't enough to make her forget Monsour. "It's been hard adjusting. We did a lot of things together, so I couldn't work out, I couldn't go to certain places with memories." Agot sounds like she's seen the last of these innumerable breakups and makeups, the most recent of which happened in December 1996. "You just have to get another set of memories," she shrugs. It's not easy, being a single, unattached woman in our couple-oriented society. "Everywhere I go, people even people I don't know ask 'O, nasaan na si Monsour?' Harder still, she agrees, is being single at 31. "The thirties thing is really a stigma here, especially for women, but now, I don't care, "she declares. "Actually, all my friends now, even my college and high school friends, they're all married or getting married!" It doesn't help, either, that naysayers abound. "Nakakainis! They say, 'Naku, you have no more time, you have to have a kid already because the risks will be higher. Eh, diba, as long as you're fit naman, puwede pa?" she argues. "And I have such child-bearing hips!" Agot is quick to pat herself on the back. "For a single woman who has a very good career, has her own house, who can do that, diba?" She treats the gossip linking her to every man who crosses her path with a mixture of humor, disdain and a mature acceptance. "I usually don't care, these things don't deter me. I know that, you don't have to tell me. And even if you tell me it doesn't bother me - it's a fact!"

But she admits to having momentary bouts of depression every time another birthday comes around. "When I turned 31 last July, I felt, 'Where did all the time go?' I was just working so hard, and I said to myself, 'But in the end, what matters is building a family and all that - it's not the be-all and end-all of life, but it's another stage where most people my age would love to be."

"Sometimes it hits you," she says quietly, "when you're idle, on a Saturday night, you're home alone and your friends are out with their boyfriends, or your single friends have other plans, you ponder, 'What have I done with my life?' You did okay naman, pero parang hindi." But the sadness she feels is temporary. "At that moment, you're really sad, but it's just a phase you go through. You wish there were someone you could cuddle up with, pero okay lang. So when I feel like my life's caving in, I call up people Let's go out!"

Certainly, Agot enjoys every moment of her independence. The best part of single life? She answers as if on cue, "Doing what you wanna do, when you wanna do it, where you wanna do it! Everything: vacation, work, kalokohan as long as you do it responsibly." This freedom to do as she pleases seems new to her, and quite treasured. "I can say I'm doing everything now I have work, family, friends, steady dates, I have time for everything : I'm learning how to dive, rock climb, play tennis, sofball a lot of recreational stuff." Following her APO "lolo", Jim Paredes' advice, she's listed everything she wants to do in this lifetime"" still have time to do all of that!"" she says.

In an industry that places a premium on youth, the inevitable, nasty comments about her age don't perturb her. "I feel young for my age, physically young. When I see really young artistas and they're so sikat, I feel I'm not so far behind. It takes a certain maturity to be able to understand all this fame. If push comes to shove, I can do other things, I have two degrees (including a magna cum laude in Fashion Merchandising from F.I.T., which she has put to good use in her Agot for SariSari line of clothes). I've prepared myself. I have alternatives in other fields."

And she's been dating, seriously. "As in, seryoso ako sa pakikipag-date, ha? Hindi sa I'm dating someone seriously!" She laughs as she talks about her 101 Dating Adventures. "I love the free dinners, but I offer to pay on the first date." She recounts the perils of being set up on blind dates when the prospective date knows her celebrity status, or being treated like a trophy, which she detests. "In a restaurant, they'd pick the most visible table and position you facing everyone. Nakakapikon, but I keep quiet and say to myself, 'This is the last time!' It makes me feel like a commodity. There's much more to me than just my face, and it's sad that they don't find that out..."

Has all this left her feeling a bit jaded? "Yes, that's how I feel sometimes, I don't get kilig anymore. I still want butterflies in my stomach, to sweat out of nervousness but it can't be the high school girl kinda thing anymore." Agot is cautious now, even meticulous, about tell-tale, first date clues. "You think twice, oops, wait a minute this little voice inside says baka naman ngayon lang yan!" She goes about dates as though they were job interviews. "I'm very aware of little things like choice of words I want to hear "please", "thanks you", even the way they phrase words---I watch out for negative words like "don't" or "I'm not". Gusto ko very positive. I want dining etiquette, manners, breeding…" while she says she finds enough of these qualities, that thing called chemistry eludes her. "I met someone like that good family, mabait, everything's okay, but there was no "it"!"

Agot tries to capture what comprises this magical "it". "He has to make me laugh, he has to be witty, sensitive "it" na "it" sa 'kin yon." But all this dating can dampen a girl's spirits. "I get bored easily," she grimaces. "I have ahort attention span. After I go out with a guy four times, I want to say, 'Next please!' You get tired of explaining where you're coming from, what your plans are, blahblahblah..."

And so it was inevitable that she would experience withdrawal symptoms she called Monsour on his birthday. "I thought I had gotten over him, then, Wow, bumalik! Oh no! Suddenly, you talk to this person who knows you so well and you just pick up from where you left off ang sarap! But actually, maybe feeling ko lang 'yon at the time..." By this time, Agot's endearing candidness has turned the interview into an interactive bonding session. "It's just that feeling of familiarity. You don't miss the person, you just miss the idea of the person!" volunteers makeup artist Christine Duque. Agot agrees, and tells us about how she keeps falling back into the cycle, specifically every Christmas time. "You try everything to make it work, and even if it seems that it's working, you know at the end of the day when you go to sleep, parang mali... there comes a point when you're not happy and don't seem to be getting any happier. So you think what's wrong, why isn't it functioning?"

"Then you gain a mature, objective perspective. You see the big picture when you're on your own. I know I have to get out of the cycle. I don't want waste my life. Not that I'm wasting my life if I'm with Mon, but I just want to be sure." Photographer Raymund Isaac asks nosily, "But what if Mon ends up with another girl?" "Okay lang, We talk about it eh. As long as he's happy, okay sa akin yon." She confesses that despite the independent, empowered, career-driven-woman image, she is not without her knight in Shining Armor Rescue Fantasies. "Ano, 'yung you'll just shop, not have to work? I came close to that twice, pero, hindi, eh. I have to love the person. I could fall in love with a boatman in Palawan and live there forever. I'm still a fool for love."

And the deafening tick-tock of the biological clock? "I really want kids I took care of all my nieces and nephews when they were babies. I joked my mom, 'I want to have a kid when I'm 32, even without a husband!' She said ba naman, 'Okey lang puwede, pero bastarda pa rin ang anak mo!' " Agot is thankful her parents understand her enough not to pry. "They're happy that I'm busy, building my own house." Family pressure is something she doesn't really need. "When I'm down and I had a really bad day, they're just there. They love me by not asking. Medyo nagtatampo nga sila because I don't really open up. Well, I wanna tell you guys now, I don't open up to anybody, I just really keep it to myself." It must be difficult, not sharing her pain with others. "It's hard," she concedes, "but I'm not the type to pour my heart out to every person I see. My mind works very fast, then I know I can be emotional at the time, but later, I see the more rational side of things. I let myself go through stupid emotional stages na "OH, BUT I LOVE HIM!!! " Pero later, pagod na akong umiyak, ano bang nangyari? Isn't that funny?" she smiles.

Life goes on for headstrong, feisty, once-upon-a-time "crush ng Bayan", a label she dislikes, and never considered living up to. "I'm not image-conscious. Napag-trip-an lang yata ako!" And while she carefully sifts through her endless dates for that ideal "family-oriented, God-fearing, career-driven (but not to the point of making money his god) man who will encourage me, even push me to do the things I want, who will believe in me even when I think I can't do it," she's all set to carve out a fulfilling life as best she can. Is she happy? "Well, it's not that I'm less happy now," she says. "It's just that a part of me just wishes it would happen (finding the right man), but you can't rush it I've waited this long! What if it's a mistake pala in the end? So you have to take your time. I'm still taking my time."