This section of my page belongs to my great friends, Princess Saturn and Tigger (aka Ryuen). And I'm afraid I can't name it anything other than...

'LETTERS'

because anything else just wouldn't do this justice. :P

UPDATED: December 12, 1999 - 1 FushigiYuugi letter, and one RurouniKenshin letter. Scroll down!

Note, August 29, 1999: Princess Saturn has decided to keep writing the Letters, and a lot of them are now written with another great friend of ours, Tigger. Princess Saturn thanks everyone very much for the great comments she's received about her absolutely hilarious letters, and thanks everyone for inspiring her to keep writing them. So thanks! :)

These are Princess Saturn's and Tigger's newest masterpieces of anime-induced insanity, I mean comedy... prepare to laugh. /^_-\

Another Note: some of these letters are about characters, plot elements and pink heart-shaped petals from various anime series. Princess Saturn or Ryuen cannot be held responsible for confusion, spoilers, nor can she be held responsible for any mental or physical injuries inflicted by laughing too much, falling off chairs, etc as a result of her work. :)

FUSHIGI YUUGI LETTERS:

Dear agent,

I thought you told me you'd be able to get a good deal for me. Well here I am now, DEAD! Thank you mister smarty pants. I just wanted you to know the one who killed me was that ugly circus freak Ashitare. I thought I killed him too, but it turns out the little punk lived on as a stupid wolf, how unfair is that? I wasn't happy when those nutty writers made me into a perverted man-woman, but I am an AC-TOR, not to say I was not happy when my character straightened out his act, as it were. Still, the very next episode they killed me! I refuse to be some dopy character who gives inspirational speeches, in flashbacks, what kind of a career is that? I want justice! The pursuit of the American dream, wait, I mean Japanese dream, you're fired!

Your former client,
Nuriko the beautiful

PS. But I sure fooled Hotohori... Hee hee...

PERSONAL AD

Single White Man-Woman. 18 years old. seeks either a young girl from another world or a pretty emperor of Konan county. I am funny and of course very beautifull. My interests include flirting and showing off my strength. If you are a girl, you must be interested in food and easy to make fun of. If you are male I only ask theat you are beautifull emperor named Hotohori. You can contact me via your local rare documents reference room.

PS. No red-haired weirdos named Tasuki need apply.

Dear Amiboshi,

So brother, I hear you're not dead. Thank you for not telling me. Here I went out of my way to go on a murderous rampage because I thought you needed to be revenged. Sheesh! And those kids where soooooo mean to me too! They kicked me in nasty places, and they bit me too! Sniffle, sniffle. So there I was, kicked, bitten, but happily revenged, when this spiky-haired freak came and tried to kill me. Dang that made me mad. To top it all off, I had to be saved by that skank Soi! Actually, that wasn't so bad, never mind. But it's the principal of the thing!!! Next time you're going to go off and live with some old couple and change your name, can you pleeeeeeeease warn me in advance? Now I have to go and pine in front of Yui-sama's door. Sigh. Oh wait, that's not right, I meant get the Silver Imperium Crystal for the glorious, all-powerful, and downright nifty, NEGAVERSE! wahahahahaha! Oh wait, that's not it either... Um, I'll just go now! Bye!

Your little bro,

Suboshi

PS. Even though you're not dead, I'm gonna keep beating up those Suzaku types. They're just asking for it with their funky Chicken God.

PPS. Since you're in with the Suzaku bunch now, is there any way you could get me a date with that super-hot chick? Ya know, the one with the purple hair. He he he

Subo-chan

Dear Yui,

Thank you for having me over at the palace for dinner, the food was great. So it's true, real Chinese food is the best. I've been told that you're mad at me? Why? Did I spit in your food, or munch on your arm without noticing? E he. Speaking of which... I sort of semi-noticed that while I was eating you were talking. What was it you said again? I hope it wasn't too important. Ah well, if it was anything serious we can discuss it over dinner. And can Tamahome come? Isn't he cute, don't ya just love him?
Anyway, I gotta go, I think I hear Nuriko yelling it's feeding time. Or is that just hunger induced hallucinations? Either way, I'm gonna get some food!

Bye bye!

Yuuki Miaka

PS. I hope your dead friend's alright!

PPS. While I was in the palace, it seems that I misplaced Tamahome. Have you seen him?

Miaka

***NEW!!!***

Dear Soi,

I hope you don't mind that I have been carrying around your dead body for a few days... I only did it so that Tomo would think I was a necrophiliac and leave me alone. What a pesky ghost. Even when he's dead he's still damn creepy. The thing that bugs me the most is that he totally ignores the fact that I have a strong allergy to clams! You remember the hives I got the last time we had a seishi meeting? Ugh, I'm still itchy in all the wrong places! Well, at least my armour covers up the rash. Just talking about it makes me sick. Meanwhile, your body is decomposing, so I think I'm going to dump it after I kill that fashion challenged emperor, Saihitei, or should I say Hotohori. What was he thinking with that helmet, and honestly, red is not his colour, hot pink would look much better, don't you think? I'm going to go dispatch with him quickly. First I'll tell him that this whole war was a waste and then kill him with my chi. Well, I better get back to work! Have fun being dead, I promise not to put your body near Tomo's!

Yours,

Nakago

PS. Do they have, ya know, nookie in hell?

***NEW!!!***

RUROUNI KENSHIN LETTERS:

Dear Enishi,

Hey bro, how goes it ya little freak? You know I'm getting kind of sick of this stupid revenge thing. Although I appreciate being able to appear in flashbacks, I don't like the fact that you're attacking Kenshin, he's my man! Do you want me to take you onto Jerry Springer? Oh wait, that doesn't exist... And I really don't like having to smile so much in your demented little daydreams!!! It hurts my face!!! So would you mind stopping this lame revenge thing, and let me haunt my man in peace.

Your Big sis,

Tomoe the gangsta

PS. Would you mind kicking that little Kaoru chick's butt?

YT

SAILOR MOON LETTERS:

Dear Seiya,

Since I've been dead, I've noticed that you've been putting the moves on my woman. I've also come to understand that you have another lover on the side by the name of Kakyuu. If you don't leave Usako alone I'm going to kick the living daylights out of you and your little posse, too. By the way, I love that song of yours, Search For Your Love, it's mighty purty.

Yours,
Disgruntled Mamoru/Adoring Fan

PS. Galxia's pretty fond of you too. She says if I get your autograph I won't have to kiss her booty and other unmentionable parts for the next week.

CM

Dearest Endymion,

Please come back to me my Endymion. I know you're not really evil. (I think) Besides if you were evil you wouldn't save me all the time. Don't worry, I'll save you as soon as I can.

Your Princess,

Serenity

(PS. I'm sorry I said you had a minus-zero personality)

Dear Serenity,

Serenity I just can't be around you .We're on different sides now. The only reason I save you is so I can get that crystal for the glorious Negaverse. Anyway, I love Zoycite now. So as soon as you get rid of Kunzite and hand over the crystal, I can get Zoycite and we can frolic in the heart-shaped flowers.

Yours Respectfully,

Prince Endymion

Dear Tuxedo Mask,

Hello, Mamoru darling. I heard you had become part of the glorious Negaverse . Too bad I wasn't there, I would have dumped old Kunzite on the spot, had I known. Your Midnight black tresses are much cuter then Kunzite's ugly white mop. We could have made beautiful music together. Remember when I pretended to be Sailor Moon , oh what fun we had! Well, if you ever dump the Moon Brat and come back to the Negaverse give me a call, we could go fight side by side and then frolic through the flowers.

Your Beloved

Zoycite

Dear Moon Brat,

I suppose I should thank you for reuniting Zoycite and I but I'm still mad at you for destroying me cause I would have destroyed you first if you hadn't destroyed me. So Ha. Anyway, after Zoycite and I finish our business we'll be back to destroy you, Moon Brat. And then we can go back to happily frolicking in the green meadows with those weird pink heart-petals things OK?

Your Negaverse Pal

Kunzite

My Most Beloved Prince Endymion,

Hello my beloved, I hath not seen you since the last glorious battle against Sailor Moon. I misseth you dreadfully. It is too bad that you hath changed sides again. I am in great want of you so that perhaps you may beg Zoycite to lend us some pretty pink heat-shaped flowers. After, perhaps, we may frolic through the meadows entoured by the pretty pink heart shaped flowers.

Your beloved shattered queen BERYL

Dear Hotaru-chan,

I am sending my regards to you from where ever all us evil types go after we are defeated. Actually I am rather content to have been sent here. I have made some wonderful new friends here. I did not know that I had so much in common with the other dead villains here. Zoycite and Kunzite are really wonderful as villains go but very difficult to talk to as they are always talking about Prince Endymion and some sort of petals. Nephlite is here as well, but I regret to say he is a bit of a bore. Tell that Naru girl that he still carries her picture around and shows it to everyone. Eudial and Esmeraude have become great friends and that silly little Mimete is still playing jokes on every one. Why Just Yesterday she pushed Rubius off a cliff.

As for myself I have found a soul mate in Queen Beryl. Together we are planning another takeover of earth. Queen Beryl suggested repossessing you, but I said that that would hardly be fair. Although you were the best person that I have ever had the pleasure of possessing, you did have a bad habit of having flash backs that ruin all of the possessor's hard work. In any case, say Hi to Sailor Moon and to dear old Banana-Mouth for me (did that man ever stop smiling?) Hope you are keeping the Silence Glaive well polished.

Your friend and possessor,

Mistress 9

(PS I am enclosing a new teddy bear as I sort of went a bit over board in the ripping of heads department)

Dear Mamoru,

I'm just writing you a quick note from the weird forest type place where we were taken by the Pegasus. It is a lot of fun being an odd little ball of light. It does get lonely with only Hawk-Eye and Tiger-Eye here. Although I am glad to be rid of old beetle face and little miss spider. Remember the time I looked in your dream miror. Wow the things in that would really make a girl's (or a cross dressing guy's) hart go pit-a-pat. Well if you ever need a vacation feel free to come here for a visit and bring a martini PLEEEAAASE.

Your old friend

Fish Eye

Dear Miss Moon,

You have no idea how boring it is to just sit here in the negaverse. Queen Beryl has finally released me from that crystal thing. I've already thought up a perfectly splendid plan about how to get back at you. I'm not going to tell you, cause that would ruin all the fun of it. Queen Beryl is most pleased with my plan for your ultimate destruction. (why am I getting a strange feeling of deja-vu?) Anyway, Zoicite and Kunzite are over in the far corner of the room frolicking in those demented heart-shaped petals. Ah no! One just landed in my eye, I'm blind! My plan to destroy you will be ruined! Waah! Pardon me, I must go!

Your enemy,

Jadeite

Princess Saturn would LOVE to hear from you! Write her at [email protected] Or you can write Tigger at [email protected]

Now, you may go BACK to Angel Mercury's Library