The camera focuses on Gourry who is standing in the corner wearing a tuxedo and carrying a microphone in one hand and cue cards in the other.
Gourry: Today our subject is...transsexuals!!!
Ranma: I AM NOT A TRANSSEXUAL!!!!!
G: Then what are you?
R: I am a guy.
Gourry snaps his fingers and cold water falls on Ranma. It soaks him to the bone and changes him to a her.
R: AHHH! What did you do that for, you dumb blonde!?!
G: Now, now. Let's keep the comments clean. What are you now?
R: A guy.
Gourry looks a little puzzled.
G: Right. Well. Let's bring out our next guest, Ranma�s boyfriend K-
R: I hate boys!!! I�m not gay!!!
G: Of course you do. Anyway, here�s Kuno Tatewaki.
Audience claps
R: AAHHH! You idiot!!! Why did you bring him here!?!?!?!
G: Because we're going to tell your boyfriend that you're a man!
R: I DON�T HAVE ANY BOYFRIENDS!!!!!
Kuno: RAAAAAAANNNNNNNNMMMMAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kuno runs in at full speed towards Ranma (still in girl form) with arms outstretched.
K: Oh Ranma. I love you. Marry me!
The crowd goes crazy ooohing and awwwing, and hooting and hollering.
R: NO no no no no! I hate you!!! Leave me alone!
G: You had better sit down Kuno, because we have something important for you to find out.
K: What? (looks very confused)
G: Kuno, pause Ranma is not a girl.
K: Yes she is!
He runs over to Ranma and lifts up her shirt.
K: Do these not look real?
R: What?!? Hey, you little jerk! I ought to knock you out for that!
K: Please do...!!??!!
G: Kuno...well.(Gourry snaps his fingers)
Warm water falls onto Ranma soaking her yet again, and changing her back to
Ranma in his original form.
R: Stop doing that!!!
G: As you can see Kuno-
Gourry is interrupted by Kuno
K: RANMA!!! YOU TOOK HER! BRING HER BACK!!!
Kuno attacks Ranma but is soon restrained by two big bodyguards.
Gourry tells Kuno he has to calm down.
K: I�ll be okay...But you can bet Ranma won�t, unless he returns Ranmaaaaahhhhhhhhh...!!!
Kuno again starts running and screaming at Ranma. The crowd starts yelling out a chant-
Yet again, the big bodyguards come out to restrain Kuno.
G: Now, Ranma would you please explain to Kuno why you are a transvestite?
R: I AM NOT A TRANSVESTITE!!!
G: Right. Sorry. Go ahead.
R: And don�t forget it! Well...Kuno...I am Ranma.
K: Of course you are...!?!
R: No, I mean I am Ranma.
K: Oh. I get it. Now, you had better BRING BACK RANMA NOW!!!
More fighting between Kuno and Ranma occur. The body guards come out again, and restrain Kuno once more. They�re looking pretty tired by now.
G: Kuno...You just don�t get it do ya? Ranma...(Gourry runs over to Ranma) this one right here...is one and the same with the one you love!
K: I don�t get it. (Now he�s looking really confused)
An audience member stands up
A:Kuno. Ranma is a girl.
K: Yes, and that is why I love her.
A: Ranma is also a guy.
K: That is also true, and that�s why I must destroy him- to break the spell he has on my girlfriend.
R: I am not your girlfriend!!!
K: Of course you're not...Ranma is!
R: Listen you sorry $#%@, I am Ranma Saotome! There is only one Ranma Saotome. When I am doused with cold water I change to a girl!!!
Gourry quickly snaps his fingers with delight as cold water falls all over Ranma, changing him instantly.
R: STOP DOING THAT!!! Anyway, I change back with warm water.
Gourry snaps his fingers and Ranma is drenched yet again.
R: All right, pretty boy. One more time, and you're gonna get it.
Gourry smiles wickedly.
G: So Kuno, do you get it now?
K: Let me get this straight- Ranma is both Ranmas?
R: Yes! You finally got it!!!!!
K: That�s bull-%$#@ ! You're a %$&# liar!!!
Fighting breaks out all over the studio as Gourry sweatdrops...
G: Well, that is all the time we have for today. Tune in next week for "One-timers:Superstars that make the other stars super" Bye-bye.
Final Thought
(Racheengel)- This was written by my good friend, Habib. I am very grateful, especially since the long lapse of time between the first Springer episode and my next seems nowhere very close to ending. I was also very glad that he had tied in with the intended next theme (My Dream Girl is a Man), because I had pretty much decided not to do that episode. (It was going to be about Zelgadiss and Miwan, the prince(ess) of the all-girl/crossdressing town.) So, domo arigatou gozaimashita, Habib. I really can't thank you enough.
If you were wondering about the Final Thought, there is currently none. Habib left it up to me to type, and I want his approval before I tack it on. (Since he is on vacation, it will have to remain absent for a while.)
By the way, anyone else who wants to guest write- feel free!
Chibi-Xel: She needs all the help she can get!
Rache: What's that supposed to mean?
Chibi-Xel: Sore wa himitsu desu!
Rache: ^-^;;