Television. Where in the world will you find such a vaccuum of intelligence
Because, let's face it, television, known across North America as the "Idiot
Just open up your TV Guide and take a look at the programming. What television
Let's just take a look at the tube and see what there is to see...
Friends: hmm... a bunch of people who are friends hang out in a coffee shop
Dawson's Creek: Ah, here we go! A series created by Scream 1 and 2 screen-
Law & Order: A-ha! Now we're cooking! An intelligent and thought provoking
The West Wing: Another one! An intelligent, fast-paced, sharp comedy-drama
Hmm... the Brain seems to be winning this contest at three to two. Let's keep
Entertainment Tonight: Uh-oh! Pander, pander, pander! Who's on the "Worst
Inside Edition: E-gads! Another one? This time it's an entire tabloid,
The National Enquirer: The most notorious and infamous of supermarket tabloids
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire: If the fact that it's hosted by Regis Philbin
Soap Operas: The bane of a brain's existence, these shows make me more than
So... let's see... Idiot Box: eight. Brain: three.
This doesn't look very promising for the intellectual side of society, does it?
The News: This is, basically, every single news program out there. Here's a
Jerry Springer: And all of those other talk shows. How much more lacking in
Pro-Wrestling: WWF, WCW, and all those other franchises. Okay, so they're funny.
Need I go on?
Let's face it, people, with the exception of a select few comedies (Frasier, and...
But I guess television isn't supposed to stimulate the brain-cells, is it? No, it's
But then, I'm a writer, what the hell do I know?
other than television? I'm serious with this inquiry. I feel that it's a
reasonable and honest and otherwise relevant question.
Box," more than lives up to its name. Just take a look at the assortment of
programs you have on it. Most of them are entirely devoid of intelligence and
intellect. It's almost as if the TV producers don't think that the human
mind is capable of processing such information; as if we are all inherent morons,
bred to enjoy the lowest common denominator and to understand nothing more than
fart jokes and sexual connotation.
shows out there don't pander to our libidos or to our lust for money or to our
basest of understandings of human behaviour. I'll admit, it's funny to watch Moe
beat up Curly and Larry, but it's also nice to have my brain stimulated with
interesting and intelligent fare.
discussing their sexual escapades and making one-liners and jokes and guffaws.
Sometimes intelligent, but also trendy. Once this show became popular it
started to pander to the masses, which is a sure-fire sign that a series thinks
too much of itself. It got mushy, it got stupid, it got sappy. Score one
for the Idiot Box!
writer Kevin Williamson! A show about adolescent angst that portrays teens as
hormone driven, yes, but also emotional and intelligent. Too emotional. I've
seen bits and pieces of this show (I actually watched an entire episode) and
I almost found my entire day's worth of partially-digested meals staring me in
the face asking me what the fuck happened to their happy hour in my stomach and
intestinal tract. The show was smartly written, yes, but it was sappy, overly-
emotional, and again far too obvious of its fame and appeal. Score two for the
Idiot Box!
series! Beautiful! A crime-drama that takes its stories from the headlines
more often than not. But, oh, what a show! Every episode keeps you thinking
and guessing, and in the end more than half the time you're not sure what to
think of the verdict. It's been on for something like eight years, and it's
highly popular, but it has yet to pander. It's maintained consistent quality
throughout its long run. And then there's the fact that it has spawned an
equally intelligent (albeit sometimes disturbing) spinoff series: Law&Order:
Special Victim's Unit. Score two for the Brain!
about, what else, running the White House! I'll admit, I'm Canadian, but the
that doesn't stop me from enjoying a good, witty series such as this. Great
acting that always hits the mark, thoughtful, and above all intriguing. The
only flaw is that it sways a bit to the idealistic side of things, going a bit
too much "We are Americans, and so we are great," for my liking (but then again
if there was a show going "We are Canadians, and so we are great," I more than
likely wouldn't be complaining). But this flaw doesn't detract from an other-
wise enjoyable, sharp, and intelligent show. Score three for the Brain!
going and see what happens, shall we?
Dressed List"? (a list that I would KILL to get on; imagine showing up at the
Oscars in a pair of ripped jeans and a T-shirt that read "Get Stuffed!"... but
that's another rant altogether) What star just broke up with another star?
What's the latest news in so-and-so's private life? Why won't Mary Hart's fucking
head spontaneously combust? Tune in to this no-brainer for the details!
But, seriously, folks, this over-sensationalistic, self-indulgence of an
entertainment news program is a few stories short of a tabloid. Score three
for the Idiot Box!
reporting on both the entertainment front as well as the "news" front! Save
yourself the time and just pick up one of the more "credible" tabloid magazines
at your local supermarket. At least you can touch-up your reading skills that
way. Score four for the Idiot Box.
finally makes its way onto that small, square screen we call a television.
And it's all in the name of making more money, though they'll probably say that
it's all in the name of reaching out and touching more people. I don't care.
This is still a show that panders to sensationalism and truth-stretching, even
more-so than any other tabloid-TV series that's out there (I mean... it's the
National Inquirer, for crying out loud!). Score five for the Idiot Box.
isn't enough to make this notorious, the title should. A game show where
contestants are asked trivia questions--which start out as easy but get harder
as the show goes on--in an effort to win one million dollars. An interesting
watch, perhaps, but I've never been able to make it past the first question.
This is one show that panders to the emotion of greed, as contestants go for
the big money. Top onto this its copy-cats (Greed) and pesudo-copy-cats (Who
Wants To Marry A Millionaire?) and you've got a trend setter as well! This one
wins three notches on the Idiot Box's belt, putting it up from five to eight.
just ill. There are too many to count, as far as I'm concerned, and each one
is just as bad as the other. Sex, violence, melodrama, people coming back
from the dead.... It's enough to make one's brain want to fry itself in its
own electrical impulses just to stop the innanity. Five notches on the belt
of the Idiot Box (because of the sheer number of these), and we're up from
a score of eight to thirteen.
Let us continue, see if we can't even things out a bit, hmm?
problem with this category: some are done quite well and are informative, whilst
others are obviously sensationalistic and pandering. I hate to say this, but
I'm not even going to bother giving either sides points with this one, for the
main reason that they'd both end up with the same amount. So the score stays the same!
brain-substance could you get? Springer, Ricki Lake, Jenny Jones, and all those
other God-awful, intelligence-sapping talk-shows where you're quite likely to find
a trans-sexual bi-sexual Nazi pervert who likes to tapdance on a hot fire while
having hot sex with forty other people. Thanks but no thanks. This gives the
Idiot Box another four points, putting its score to a total of twelve.
I'll admit that. But they're also remarkably stupid. Back in the old days, stories
were kept to a minimum while the wrestling was the big focus. Now it's been
diminished to about three-quarters soap-opera, one-quarter decent fighting. It
was stupid in the eighties, I'll admit, but it got even worse in the nineties.
Now that we're in the year 2000, I somehow doubt that it will get better, if that's
even possible. Two more on the Idiot Box's scoreboard for a total of 14.
um...) and hour-long dramas (ER, Law&Order, The West Wing) television is devoid
of intelligence, thereby earning it's title of Idiot Box instead of Food for the Brain.
If I watch the television, I'm usually watching comedies. We're talking about some
of the classics of American television (Cheers, M*A*S*H) and their contemporaries (such
as The Daily Show, and Dennis Miller Live), as well as some classic Canadiancomedies
(Royal Canadian Air Farce, The Red Green Show, This Hour Has 22 Minutes), and the ever
present Brit-coms (Red Dwarf, Fawlty Towers, Blackadder, Monty Python). Some of these
comedies are smart and satirical (especially This Hour..., The Daily Show, and Dennis Miller)
but most of them are just fun comedies.
there to entertain, and entertainment isn't supposed to make you think, it's supposed to
let you relax from a long day's work, isn't it? I guess if we want something that's
thought-provoking and won't make our brains meltdown from an overload of stupidity, we're
best off with books.