Guys, have you ever noticed how girls always seem to have this innate sense of fashion? They
always know what shirt goes with which pants. They�re also amazing with colour co-ordination.
They know, for instance, if blue and orange go together. With us guys, we�ll think of it as "Oh,
hey, it�s a shirt and a pair of pants, I�m in a hurry, what the hell?" Also, they seem to be able
to dance with unnatural ease. You know what the problem is? It is natural.

Well, not entirely natural, but pretty darned close. A couple of friends and I had an epiphany
the other day while watching television. You see, at birth girls are given an instruction booklet
that tells them all of these things. It teaches them how to colour co-ordinate. It teaches them
how to dance. It teaches them how to dress fashionably. Anything that we guys can�t do, this book
tells girls.

Where�s my proof? It�s in everyday life. How many times, guys, have you put something on and had
your girlfriend or mother or sister or aunt or cousin ask you, "You�re not going out in that are you?"
Any girl would not have that problem, unless it was on purpose, but most guys will walk out of a house
without wearing matching colours or styles. Shopping for guys is so much easier when they�ve got a
girl with them for the exact reason that they know how to match what they�re buying. And the dancing!
Go to a club or a dance or a party of some sorts. Go on. Now, look at the ladies. You see the way
that they�re dancing? You notice how they actually know what they�re doing? Now, look at the guys.
Do they look like they know what they�re doing? No. Do they look more like absolute idiots who are
senseless and are just trying to look good to save face in front of their gals? Yes.

And let�s face it, most things that us guys do is to save face. Before all of you fellow guys out
there getyourselves into a hissy-fit over what I�m about to write, let me tell you something that
you obviously don�t know yet: The women out there already know what I�m about to say. You guys out
there just don�t know that they know. I�m talking about the fact that girls know everything about us.
They know that most guys do everything that they do to either get a girl, keep a girl, or save face in
front of a girl. Those are the three basic laws of guy-dom.

The next question that us men would logically ask would be: How do they know? Simple. They have that
blasted instruction booklet. I�m serious, now. Haven�t you ever noticed how girls always seem to know
what they�re doing and we have absolutely no idea? Hell, we�re often doing extremely stupid things.
Certainly, so do they, but it�s just a front. You see, if they didn�t make mistakes they wouldn�t seem
human. And if they didn�t seem human, then we would become suspicious, and the gals can�t have us sneaking
around like that getting curious. If we did, they�d have to kill us.

You see, this book has everything. It tells them how to understand us. It also tells them how to understand
themselves. Why? Let me present you with a scenario, one that all of you out there will be able to identify
with. If we guys knew what the hell we were doing, then would we be stuck here in school? Not bloody likely.
You might ask yourselves, then, why are the girls still here if they know what they�re doing? It�s simple:
They enjoy watching us run around like mad chickens with our heads cut off. They find it amusing. Hell, they
probably revel in it.

Why don�t we get this book, us fellas must wonder. What is it about us guys that prohibits us from getting this
ever-important instruction book? The answer to that is plain and simple. It�s because us guys, us persons of
the male gender, are complete and utter morons. No, no. Don�t look at me that way. Don�t you start to throw
those stones at me just yet. The fact remains, once again, that girls know this and us guys are just afraid to
admit it. We, as a gender, are idiots. Oh, certainly, individually we�re not so bad, but put us all together
and you�ve got one the stupidest bunches of people in the world.

What does this have to do with anything, you ask? Wouldn�t giving us that book make us smarter? You would think
that, wouldn�t you? So would I, but there�s more to it than that. You see, as I�ve already said, as a gender
we�re idiots. On the other side of the fence the female gender is intelligent. Everything�s different on an
individual basis, but on an overall those are the facts: guys are stupid, girls are smart. This is very important
in how Mother Nature deals out this book. You see, she knows that girls will put it to good use because of their
collective intelligence. However, because of the collective stupidity of the male gender, she knows that we�ll just
use it for idiotic little things. We�re talking waging war instead of preventing it; we�re talking how to get that
gorgeous girl thatsits three rows away in physics to go out with us; we�re talking, basically (and you�ll pardon
the somewhat sexist connotations here) how kick butt and pick up chicks.

Now, now, boyos, don�t get your feather all huffed up. The girls out there already know all of this. Do you think
I�m letting out secrets that no one ever knew? Heavens, no! The girls out there already know this. They knew all
of it. You didn�t. You see, that�s how stupid as a gender we are. Most of us guys didn�t even know and/or realize
any of that. Is it any wonder why we don�t have that book?

The next question, obviously, is how do us guys get that book? Before you go running off to your sister�s room, boys,
looking for it, I�ll save you the trouble: Don�t bother. No matter where you look, you won�t find it. You see,
girls are the masters at hiding things (another example of their collective intelligence), so there�s no chance in hell
or high water that you�ll ever find it. What we�ve got to do is, as a gender, smarten up. Then, and only then, once
we�ve become intelligent enough to handle that book will we be given the opportunity to reap its benefits.

Of course, as all the girls out there know, the chances of that are totally impossible. How do they know?
Simple: It�s in the book.

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