I was sitting there, at the theatre, watching this movie and wondering, plain ol' wondering, the following: Why the hell is my hair-elastic more interesting than what's happening on screen? What's wrong with me? Turns out there wasn't a thing wrong with me, but plenty wrong with this movie. I'm not sure where to begin, so I'll just jump straight into the fray with no regard at all for order.
Alright, the story. What story? There isn't much of one. It's your basic paper-thin-plot-to-make-an-excuse-for-racing-cars kinda deal: Man makes friends with a bunch of hotrodders, turns out man is undercover cop trying to find out who's striking and robbing a bunch of big-rig trucks carrying DVD players and such home-electronics equipment. Guy also falls for the sister of the big-boss of the group of hot-rodders. Not exactly exciting or new, and not exactly lacking in holes. First of all, DVD players? Come on, guys! Whatever happened to jewelry, drugs, and such. I suppose DVD players are easier to hock on the black market or whatever, but still there's something about it that just seems stupid. Another point is that the truckers' union begins to threaten vigilantism against this group of thieves, which means illegal action, which means the cops are working harder to capture them but aren't going to do anything to really stop the truckers. Huh? Number three, any scene with the law-enforcement officers in it are ridiculously scripted, so much so that it's painful.
And that's just the story.
The racing sequences, consisting of illegal drag-racing, suck as well. I mean, it's just what is essentially a fifty-yard-dash with cars. Who cares? One car goes faster than the other, and winning ain't by a nose, it's usually by one or two entire car-lengths. Nothing exciting there, especially seeing as only one race involves more than one car. Not exactly exciting, now is it? Nope. Another problem, still involving the cars but not really racing, is the fact that we're only given the privelege of seeing the big-rigs being robbed twice. There's not even all that much stunt-driving, either. It's all pretty boring, with the only thing going for it being speed.
As for the acting? Don't make me laugh. The male lead, some sandy-blonde haired dude with blue eyes, sounds more and more like Keanu Reeves as the movie goes on (quite a bother, that). The only person whose name rings a bell is Vin Diesel, and he's always fun to watch. He was good in Boiler Room and he was pretty good as the con in Pitch Black (a surprisingly decent sci-fi thriller). But he can't seem to bring this movie up any. I'm not going to say that he's a great actor, but he's pretty decent, and the best thing this movie has going for it.
That's not to say this is a completely horrid movie. It's got one or two exciting moments, being near the very beginning and the very end, and all of them involving racing (no surprise, there). That's the only reason this is getting two stars instead of one, it at least has a couple of saving graces, but nothing truly worth your time or mine. Really, you're better off with Swordfish, and that movie blew, too.
End result? Boredom. With a supremely weak story and back-story, and weak unexciting racing, this movie just sucked. If you want a good action movie, rent Hard Boiled, and if you want a good car-chase movie go for Ronin (I was impressed), but for anything outside of a good way to fall asleep in the theatre, The Fast And The Furious fails miserably.
Was it fast? Yeah, but it sure as hell wasn't furious.